Taser Gun Goddess

     ‘What do your raven eyes see?’

     ‘Clouds, my lord.       Clouds of crows.       See there as they dive sharply.       And indeed hear that the beat of thunder within the air       is actually their caws       in the darkening sky.       Such a beautiful scene they make, my lord.       I wonder where their destination lies       and what their purpose is.’

     ‘Such beautiful sounds they have always made,       if one is willing to listen.       The sharpness of their cries is a cacophony to many,       but within that noise is music that is sweeter than all the music       ever played since the very dawn of time.’

     ‘But where are they going, my lord?       Why do they fly together?’

13 Things to Say in Front of the Mirror:

Why hello there, evil, gorgeous twin of mine.

Bloody Mary, check this out.

*swoosh imaginary cape and laugh diabolically*

There is a strong possibility I might be more pleasant to the eye than pizza.

By the looks of this, I shall bewitch many a mortal today.

Bowie’s got competition.

A selfie wouldn’t do justice.

I could wear anything today and still look like the world’s next diabolical overlord.

I am a personified dessert.

Activate partially dressed dancing.

Excellent manufacturing.

A+.

Rattling off the menu was the best way to keep her mouth from stupidly saying what she was actually thinking. Being, And what else can I bring you, Dr. Lector? A nice Chianti? Who asked for bloody damn steaks like that?

 Still, he had a nice smile, so at least she had some eye candy for the shift. While she was covered in the Carrot Catastrophe, of course. Because heaven and that Asgard place forbid she have a clean uniform when there were crazy people with decent teeth around.

Steve had had more than enough practise with the shield to use it as a sled. It was, in fact, a really effective sled - the curve made a shallow track which got slippier with each run - and he’d put it to that exact use the very first winter he’d had it. That and all the inventive handling on missions made for a large showing-off repertoire that his fellow Avengers just couldn’t compete with. Clint toppled over sideways into a snow bank, getting snow up the back of his jacket, and Thor overshot and tipped himself head-first into an icy stream.

It got an especially good reaction out of Darcy too, when he used his weight to twist and turn their way down. She shrieked all the way down the hill and wrapped her arms tight around his thighs. She only pretended to pout when he stopped them in a big pile of snow and warmed her hands by shoving them up under his hoodie ‘in revenge.’ He didn’t mind if her hands lingered a bit longer than was needed.

—

Well, at least he wasn’t sparkly. 

Artwork by Chris Gugliotti [webcomic | tumblr]

HE HAD IT COMINNNNNGGGGGG

fuck

im sorry

IT HAD TO BE DONE THERE ARE NO RAGRETS. AND FOR ANY OF YOU WHO DONT KNOW CHICAGO’S CELL BLOCK TANGO WATCH IT NOW ITS VERY EDUCATIONAL