for as long as she could remember, there had been theodore. he was vowen into who she is, who she was, who she will be. her heart belongs only to him, and there is no twisting or turning that. there would never be someone else. she doesn't want there to be. walking away from them, walking away from him, it never truly had anything to do with him. and she would always come back. her true north would always be him. her true home, it was right here, in his arms. never been able to explain it to someone, never been able to understand it herself, this deeply rooted need to run. to escape. it felt so overwhelming in the moment, so much, too much, but then she left him and . . . something was missing. he was missing. there would be this invisible, gaping wound where her heart was supposed to be. it ached and dripped blood wherever she went, leaving a bloody trail for her to follow back to him. and she never felt whole until she walked back into his arms.
there, it felt like it healed in matter of seconds. he soothed something she ripped apart. and she did it. over and over and over again. like her heart refused to learn. and if anything, she was a creatures ruled by her heart. wild and unpredictable. impulsive and at times childish. and yes, sometimes it turned ugly. it hurt, because she never learned. what if she could simply accept this. what if she could stop sabotaging herself. them. both of them. because he keeps taking her back, and she doesn't understand why. but maybe she does understand just fine. because the way she feels when he kiss her, when he pull her close, when she breath him in, there is no parallel to it. there is no better feeling in the whole wide world. and she should know, she has explored most of it after all.
a hum, a nod of her head, not denying it. greedy. if that's what he wants to call it, she'll happily be it. barely any space between them, barely above a whisper, and there isn't need for more. not really. and for a moment does her eyes close when forehead press against hers. every second that pass, there is a weight lifted off her shoulders. there is this age old feelings of her heart beating a little faster, a little stronger in her chest. the familiar butterflies swarming in the pit of her stomach. all these feelings only he could dream of awaken in her. because there truly is only him. always. past, present and future. " yeah, " barely there between them, eyes slowly fluttering open to watch him, chin lifting with his guidance. " but i will never tire of hearing it, " earnest mumble, her hands drift to cradle the sides of his neck, tip of her nose brush lightly against his.
everything is loving. everything is gentle. a silent apology for the hurt she caused him time and time again, because she knows, if he even felt half of what she did in their time apart, it was harrowing. it hurt too much to carry sometimes. it was heavy and ugly, yet he took her back, every time. and she never could take it forgranted. she blinks, a few times, a little quick, a little to stop those tears from forming. from falling. he is good. far too good for her she thinks. thumbs brush across his jawline, and down to his neck, resting against pulse points. strong and steady, just as he has always been. never wavers, he is always steady. secure. a safe haven, no matter how many times she flies away. " i always want you, teddy, " gaze lift to meet his, small nod of her head. " in every life time, in every heart beat,. " and her heart beats with a forever, like anything else would never make sense.