Tarnation

i'm not happy with how they turned out like at all, but maybe i'll get around to it later and redo them?? who knows who knows

based on One Day at a Time by SilenceoftheLlamas (@silence-ofthe-llamas) on Ao3

Gladly! 🫴🏼

Omg I adore the concept of older Starscream 🥺💜 but for my human megastar, Megatron is obviously older 🙂‍↕️ (thank you!!)

Pharma and Ratchet try pet-play. Pharma's doing the "who's my good little turbohound" routine and giving Ratchet treats etc.

Then Pharma's like "Does my good little turbohound want to be my medical assistant~? This bot needs a fuel pump replacement," and unveils, like, a dummy that's used in medical school to train upcoming med students to do surgery. And Ratchet's thinking, "Okay, mixing medical roleplay and pet roleplay is kind of weird, but sure, why not?"

And at first Pharma is just asking Ratchet to hand him the forceps etc and rewarding him with a clicker + treats, but then he's like "Would my good little turbohound like to make an incision? Ohhhh, not like that, my sweet pup! We start the incision here, on the left side."

And Ratchet's like ". . ." because they argue about this ALL the time in their professional life and he knows starting on the RIGHT side is better, all the doctors started the incision on the RIGHT side when Ratchet was in med school, but whatever, this is fake so he goes along with it.

And then Pharma's like "Now let's clean out the ventral chamber, my sweet turbohound. No, no, we're not going to use the cloth, we're going to use the bristle brush."

And again Ratchet's like " . . ." as Pharma mushes a treat into his mouth.

Then Pharma's like "And now we will attach the electro-sensor to the ventral side, that is the most effective place according to the latest study--"

And Ratchet's like "Are you trying to clicker-train me into doing fuel pump replacements YOUR way?"

And Pharma's like "Whaaaat? Why would my sweet turbopup say that? By the way, pets don't talk back."

And Ratchet's like "PHARMA" and Pharma's like "WHAT" and Ratchet's like "RIGHT SIDE INCISIONS ARE BETTER. AND I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DECIDED TO DO THIS DURING SEX" and Pharma's like "IF YOU LISTENED WHEN WE WERE AT WORK I WOULDN'T HAVE TO DO IT DURING SEX" and Ratchet' like "THIS IS INAPPROPRIATE BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY YOU ARE WRONG, WHAT ABOUT THE INTERNAL TARNISHING" and Pharma's like "IF YOU SPENT LESS TIME USING STONE AGE TECHNIQUES YOU WOULD HAVE TIME TO READ THE LATEST MEDICAL JOURNALS AND SEE THAT I AM RIGHT AND THE INSTANCES OF INTERNAL TARNISHING ARE MINIMAL AND EASILY TREATABLE" and Ratchet's like "YEAH EASILY TREATABLE WITH ANOTHER WHOLLY UNNECESSARY SURGERY" and Pharma's like "DO YOU WANT THE DOG TREAT OR WHAT, CLICK-CLICK-CLICK YOU FUCKING MONGREL."

I was looking through my wips and found this! It made me giggle so I decided to finish it