The First Dawn / 元旦快乐!

The Novel :

Although in the past few days, he felt that Lan WangJi probably regarded him highly and differently from other people, he‟d never dared to guess just how „highly‟ it was or if „differently‟ was the kind that he thought. Wei WuXian never thought of being confident as bad, and in fact prided himself on such a thought. Legends often gossipped about the YiLing Patriarch‟s allegedly amorous life, but in reality, he‟d never experienced such hectic feelings before. He used to think that Lan WangJi was too easy of a person to understand, but things were different now. He feared that he was the only one who thought of them that way, that it was all his own wishful thinking, that he was too confident for his own good. - EXR Ch 90

Sure some of Wei Wuxian’s early misunderstandings of his and Lan Wangji’s feelings are written in a humorous way but I don’t think he is stupid because he didn’t instantly realize these feelings. Does my friend really love me is a complicated question for heterosexual couples let alone queer ones. It’s not like Wei Wuxian had someone to explain to him about his sexuality and feelings he had to figure it out on his own. And Lan Wangji never explicitly shared his feelings either.

Yes Lan Xichen telling Wei Wuxian about Nightless City cleared some things up for him but that was more to understand why Lan Wangji pushed him away at the Inn. Before that Wei Wuxian was already considering the possibility that Lan Wangji was in love with him but he didn’t want to be too confident and then be disappointed it wasn’t what he thought. When Lan Wangji pushed Wei Wuxian away to him his worst fear had been realized. Lan Wangji was nice to him but not the nice he hoped for. The following excerpt is translated from the Pinsin release of Ch 95 by Doufudanshi on Twitter and it just shows you how heart broken Wei Wuxian is.

Again both Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji misunderstood each other at that moment. Both Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji were afraid they made the other do something they didn’t want. Neither of them believed the other was in love with them and they both considered the worst possibility.

I do think Lan Xichen helped Wei Wuxian realize what he was missing but sometimes we do need another person to push us in the right direction. Wei Wuxian wasn’t stupid but he was so tied down by his own fears and doubts to see the truth (and Jiang Cheng telling him that what he was doing was shameful right after he was considering marrying Lan Wangji in the future didn’t help either).

When Lan Xichen tells Wei Wuxian the full truth Wei Wuxian’s only thought is that he might have inadvertently hurt Lan Wangji. He doesn’t care he is a hostage he needs to leave and tell Lan Wangji his feelings immediately to clear up the misunderstanding. Hostage situation and guqin string around his neck be damned.

I see a lot of posts about Wangxian being all lovey dovey during a hostage situation. True but I think it should be pointed out they are being lovey dovey AND saving everyone’s asses during that hostage crises.

They’re

Jiang Cheng's feelings stopped being valid the moment he decided to be like his mother and choosing to hate people because that was easier than fixing the parts of him he disliked. It stopped being just a problem between his parents and him when he decided to use Wei Wuxian as a shield to name all of his wrongs to lash out against. You do not call someone just a support when you only use them as a scapegoat to say they are the reason for what you did not get in life. You do not call someone a friend or sibling and tell them they owe you for protecting them and then hold that protection over them as a price they have to buy into.

His story is tragic, but it stopped being empathetic when he dragged his projection of failings from just Wei Wuxian on to Lan Wangji and Wen Ning. He chose to project that his father and Wei Wuxian were playing favorites and always choosing someone else over him, when he himself did nothing to mature out of the angry sad child he had been. A child's feelings of being able to do nothing in the face of rocky parents fighting over control are valid. A grown man who continued to find a parental figure to rage against without ever bettering himself, is not.

Jiang Cheng got the ending he deserved because that was the effort he put into his bond with Wei Wuxian. You do not do the bare minimum and expect open arms after years of bitterness and hate that you created from your own insecurities and fed to the world. As an adult you do not continue to be hateful and expect unconditional love from the one you hurt constantly and belittle. Nor because you do one "good" action does it erase the pile of hate you put into the world and demand you are owed something from another. Forgiveness does not mean an opening to rekindle a relationship that is broken, it's just a door closing and sometimes it isn't ever going to be opened for you again.