Fifteen Years Ago...
Long ago before the world was on fire and all hope was lost I made this Tumblr. I was in my early twenties. Barack Obama was President and it was three years after I'd just moved back to the United States having fled because of finances and also George W. Bush. Lets go a bit further back then. When 9/11 happened things like the patriot act were new. It felt as if Democracy was fading away. I remember watching the news. I was eleven. We'd all seen the video clips by now but do they teach you in school about the disbelief we all felt? The grief and then, oh god help us, the anger. So much rage directed at people who had nothing to do with it. Directed at our own fellow Americans. I remember how my Sikh friend was terrified for his life because he always wore a dastār. I remember it all. Being out there protesting the war, shouting "Not in our Name!" knowing in my gut this anger was going to lead us into doing something stupid. It did. The thing that terrified me the most was the way right or left people fell in line behind the President.
Words like "unpatriotic" were thrown around a lot. "If you don't like it here then move" Well I did. Then I came back. Then I left again. Then I found out one of the largest exports from America is it's alt-right ideology. I'm looking at you Hungary. I feel the all too familiar emotions now with every flick of my doom scrolling thumb. Fear. Disbelief. Anger. I watch the city I lived in and love burn as people celebrate "owning the libs". Watch as the country I'd spent about twenty years in begin to go up in flames too. I know, there is hope but my god it sure is a hell of a thing to hold on to right now. It's a hell of a thing to watch as someone who is from Eastern Europe.
My grandmother lost her sister in the Hungarian camp Sárvár. Never knew where she was buried until I found a YouTube video documenting this piece of Slovenian history. There she was. Just a white cross in a line of crosses with her name on it. She was just a child. What a tremendous danger she must of been to all those adult men, my god, to the whole of Germany and it's allies. Little Nadica a threat so great they had to kill her when she was about four or five. Fuck Nazis.
Lets hope some kid in the not too distant future doesn't have to discover where his great aunt was buried like that. Lets hope this kid is free to be who they want to be and marry whoever they want. Lets hope this kid gets to grow up knowing freedom and equality aren't empty phrases recycled by politicians every time they need those votes. Lets hope this kid punches Nazis. I heard it's going to rain soon in Los Angeles. So I guess if the world is on fire it can always be extinguished. I don't know how, it's like 3 AM now and I've been crying trying to scroll through Supernatural memes to make myself feel better. I don't think I'm the one with answers. Just an elder millennial with a bad knee and back who's tired. Who's remembering things about where we went wrong. I'm guessing it was somewhere around 1492. I hope it rains soon. I hope if they ever re-make or re-boot Supernatural they give Dean that happy ending he deserved. We all deserve it. To grow old and marry the man/woman/person who "...gripped you tight and raised you from perdition” After surviving hell and battling Apocalyptic evil. From pandemics to Nepo Baby Silicon Valley shitheads wanting to bring back the Third Reich. I feel we really fucking deserve a break here. Like not just some rain, a goddamn rainbow. A goddamn double rainbow and some rain. If it is all indeed hopeless. I demand some damn rainbows and glitter and if you're going to oppress me then make it original. Ditch the "Roman Salute" and the tired and cliche Nazi shtick and just be your dumb-ass billionaire ruling class self like maybe aim for Marie Antoinette and roll yourself in make-up and perfume to make up for the fact you smell like shit. Also if you went more Marie Antoinette then the guillotine would be back in fashion. I'm guessing men in wigs is pushing things too far though, huh? Yes. I might be a bit angry. It's 2 AM what'd you want from me?! Besides like all my human rights and bodily autonomy. Listen. I'm just a broke elder millennial who came out as bisexual and gender-fluid in 2020. Yes, timing was bad but maybe an Apocalypse is exactly what my love life needed. Much like the writers of Supernatural I'm not sure how to end this... Imagine like.. Me riding off into the sunset clinging on to my brave muscular girlfriend as the motorcycle engine echoes through the dystopian landscape. We cast glances at each other as we realized we'd done it. We'd survived the zombie apocalypse. Like make it Mad Max but super gay. Toss in some glitter because with glitter no matter what you do, it will never go away or be less gay. After fifteen years... That's pretty much the gist of things. How are you all doing? Love, Tanja THE Awesome
