Monologue of Despair Penelope Alegria

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Monologue of Despair Penelope Alegria

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“I don’t want to have to be the one who mourns everything when everyone else has clearly forgotten. It’s mortifying. It’s mortifying to be the one who remembers.”
Ryan O’Connell
A chapter from my novella “moon in speed”
Margaret Atwood, The Blind Assassin

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Hanif Willis-Abdurraqib, from “And What Good Will Your Vanity Be When The Rapture Comes”
jeanette winterson, referenced by victoria chang, says, ‘the best work speaks intimately to you, even though it has been consciously made to speak intimately to thousands of others.’
jorge luis borges, addressing a large audience in the butler library at columbia university, said, ‘a crowd is an illusion. no such thing exists. i am talking to you personally.’
how do you just get up and deal with the fact that there’s a last time for everything. there was a last time you sat on your dads shoulders and there was a last time your mom tucked you into bed. there’s going to be a last time you kiss your sister on the head and there’s going to be a last time you hug your best friend. there’s going to be a last time you feel exactly as you feel right now and there’s going to be a last time that person says i love you. i need to lay down
Iain Thomas, The Light That Shines When Things End
James Baldwin, Giovanni's Room / Bill Hader, on IT: Chapter Two

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the blues, love songs
New Order, "Bizarre Love Triangle" / Old 97's, "Colour of a Lonely Heart is Blue" / Mitski, "Blue Light / Joni Mitchell, "Blue" / Hozier, "Better Love" / Joni Mitchell, "Blue"
Mika, "Blue"
Lying, in bed, alone, is safe. Keep your hands clean, You can touch your own face.
— Elisa Gabbert, from "Yes & No," Normal Distance
— Adrienne Rich, from “Integrity.”
Andrew Garfield, in an interview with GQ
It's never-ending. The grief is never-ending. The love is never-ending. Like, Oh. That's the nature of love.
“I was always ashamed to take. So I gave. It was not a virtue. It was a disguise.”
— Anaïs Nin, The Diary Of Anais Nin, Vol. 4: 1944-1947

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lately I’ve been Overcome With Emotion
It’s not metaphor that bees make honey of themselves while language only dreams the hunted thing. Let’s be hungry a little while longer. Let’s not hurt each other if we can.
— Maya C. Popa, from "Wound Is the Origin of Wonder," Wound Is the Origin of Wonder