A Girl After Christ’ Own Heart ❤️✝️

I don’t know the answer

But I do know

My maker.

So even without knowing,

Without being able to tell where I’m going,

And it aches My heart to compete —

With all the things you place before Me,

Idols you believe will make you complete.

But still, I loved you before you knew Me.

So I’ll keep My arms extended,

Patient, gentle, protective —

Covering you in My blood,

Keeping your weary body rested.

Yes, I loved you before you knew Me.

So I remain here, waiting,

Ready to give you a love

That cannot be shaken,

Cannot be earned,

who asked to wash my feet.

I pulled away—ashamed, defensive—

because the road I’d walked was long,

and the dirt had become a part of me.

I wore my filth like armor,

and my “no” was steady, heavy, concrete.

But He simply knelt and whispered,

“Let me wash your feet.

I can make you clean.

I’ve waited for you longer than you’ve known Me.

I’ve seen every road you chose to run down,

every detour, every dark place.

Sit with Me.

Rest with Me.

flowers,

spontaneous dates,

kisses,

and sharing plates.

I thought I knew love

And then I met YOU.

Turns out love is

being covered in grace,

Answered prayers,

everlasting Faith,

A man who waits,

that never hides his face.

A man who died on a cross,

pick up all my broken pieces,

glue myself together

and hope I wasn’t stained.

I used to wonder how there could be power in Your name

when someone like me lived so much of life in vain.

I used to think it wasn’t safe

to run into Your arms with all my pain.

I used to think I was alone with my shame—

wretched,

unclean,

untamed.

I used to think all of these things…

but then You sat with me in the rain.

You told me I didn’t have to stay the same.

That I was fearfully and wonderfully made.

You told me You would never leave or forsake me,

never leave me alone in my pain.

You told me I was worthy.

Forgiven.

what is that you get from these broken pieces of my spirit?

do you know who I belong too?

I belong to a Father who restores the broken,

who fights for the 1 and leaves the 99,

You think he won’t come looking for me?

He burns through dark woods,

He wanders into the desert,

He BURSTS through the gates of hell.

For me.

For his beloved.

You can laugh now,

But I won’t be here for long.

The one exempt from all your Grace?

Have i gone to far,

Committed sin beyond

Even what you can face?

Have i wandered so far

You decided to stop trying to keep up pace?

Where are you?

I thought faith wasn’t a race,

I thought I’d be redeemable beyond any mistake,

I am sick with worry,

Invaded with doubt,

And full of strife.

Why have you wandered so far from me?

Where is your guiding hand,

Your comforting presence?

How much shall I beg?

How many tears shall I offer at the altar?

How much pain?

How much weakness?

How many demons shall I take on before you

Rise to help me defeat them?

I know your grace is sufficient for me but

Where has it gone?

When will you come?

All the foolish ways he tried to shame me.

He whispers I can’t be redeemed,

That I’m too far gone, too beyond saving.

He knows Your voice comes soft as a whisper,

So he screams louder, makes my bones shiver.

But even in the trembling and the fear,

Your name cuts through what I hear.

I wrestle with the devil daily,

He swears one day my faith will fail me.

But it’s his bones that quake and fall apart,

When Your name ignites my heart.

For every lie he hurls my way,

You remind me who I am each day.

So I shout louder—let hell know I’m staying,

I spent nights worshipping at their feet-

Begging for mercy,

Pleading for salvation,

I wasted breath on unanswered prayers, asking them to change for me,

Why did it take me so long to see that the one I was longing for was You?

Why did I waste nights in empty beds, searching for wholeness

When restoration was waiting for me at the altar of the Only One who heals?

You are the only one who can take these dry bones and raise them back to life,

I know Your will for me, yet still choose sin to hide.

I should starve my flesh — let it wither, let it die,

But I indulge in what destroys me, while my spirit runs dry.

I had grown so numb to temporary pleasures,

I knew the devil’s voice before I knew Your treasures.

I knew the devil before I ever walked with You,

But Your grace is greater than the lies I called “truth.”

So here I kneel — repentant, humbled at Your feet;

Consume my wandering heart, Lord — let my surrender be complete.

“Create in me a clean heart, O God,