Tales of The Alpha - Archived Content

HIV/AIDS. This article appeared 35 years ago today. 

I was two months away from starting my sophomore year in high school. I’m sure you remember when you were 15. All you ever thought about was sex — or at least the prospect of it. I was still very much in the closet, though I had already developed a complete obsession and fascination with muscle. As the AIDS crisis evolved into a pandemic, I had reached the age of sexual exploration. But it terrified me. It’s tough enough to be a gay teen (in an all-boys prep school, no less!), but to have sex was potentially a horrifying death sentence. I kept to myself. I lifted weights. And pleasured myself. Safer that way. Bodybuilding is such an insular pursuit that it was easy for me to lose myself in the weight room and hold my breath along with so many others until a treatment, cure or vaccine was found for this “gay cancer.”

We had so little information about AIDS back then. Ronald Reagan avoided saying the word AIDS. The French were way ahead of the US in research and instead of figuring this out and saving thousands, we did almost nothing. 

But brave men and women who saw far too many of their friends and lovers taken by this terrible disease continued to fight. To involve local politicians. To refuse to be silenced. They are my heroes to this very day.

If you were lucky enough to come of age at time when HIV could be managed with drugs and brought down to nearly undetectable levels, you are fortunate not to have seen young, formerly healthy men showing the ravages of “full-blown AIDS” (a phrase I never want to hear again) on their faces and on their deteriorating bodies. One look and you knew — and you were powerless to help. I was still young and those weren’t my friends. Had I been five years older, I’d probably still be grieving to this day for those poor helpless souls. I may have even been one of them.

If you are a gay man, do yourself a favor and learn this history. Read And the Band Played On to learn about how AIDS went from this little article above to an undeniable pandemic. Watch The Normal Heart to understand the crisis and those who fought back against homophobia and indifference. Then watch Angels in America. If you’re unfamiliar with these, you owe it to yourself to learn them and make them a part of your proud history.

Thanks for reading. Reblog it if you don’t mind. 

I needed to say it for those who couldn’t.

Peace,