Jenae.

Okay, lets give this a try again. I haven't been on here in awhile but somehow remembered this existed tonight. I think what I miss most about myself is that I use to write my thoughts down. Now I write every six months if that. I think I'm comfortable here because I know that probably only 2 people might see this but yet this is concrete enough. I'm in a good place right now. Lord knows the last 8 years has been a rollercoaster but currently I feel like myself. Im not the same girl as before. I'm much more tamed much more reserved. Far more serious but still mischievous. No adult tells you about the transition into adulthood and how much of your twenties is you beginning the process of letting go of youth. 30 is creeping up on May 28th. I have nothing planned. I have tribes instead of a tribe and so celebrating with everyone is going to be difficult for me because they are all so different and scattered in the world. I'm a flight attendant now. I've seen far more things and people than I ever expected. God, I love Europe. I'm actually going to Sweden for pleasure next week. It feels life changing but I don't know why. Holding on to hope. I know I need a refresher. I've been stuck in the work, sleep, eat cycle for a minute. But honestly I did so much in my twenties maybe this is the peace I need. So many lifetimes have moved through me. So many people have moved me. Maybe routine is peace. I don't honestly believe that. I think I'm waiting for my next big act and I feel it coming so very soon. Who will I be as a thirty year old woman. I can say woman with my chest now. Not because I'm a triple D, but because I have earned every single piece of the word. Every single piece. I've had great joy the past couple years but the deepest of pains as well. Experienced things from people that I never thought I could experience because I was always so gentle with the world. Still am. But my friend Bea has assured me that at thirty things start to move faster. It gets sweeter. Okay ill take it. Ill take whatever thirty gives me.