BRAINDEAD

it’s better than arguing, better than racking your brain for a solution to this problem, better than wasting your time fighting and yelling — but no matter how easy that option is, neither of you are ready to call it quits.

“you really had to choose a college twenty minutes away from mine?” he laughs lightly, swaying it as a joke, and his bed dips when he sits on the edge of it.

you stand before him, “that’s barely anything.”

“yeah,” he looks at you, his voice coaxing his words out as humor, “you couldn’t just come to mine?”

and you frown, scoffing, “i’m sorry that my dream school isn’t yours.”

his eyebrows furrow, “that’s wasn’t my point.”

“it’s not?” you cross your arms, “you’re basically blaming me for not going to your school.”

and he stares at you for a second, knowing that his words didn’t come out right, and it’s just one more thing that he can’t seem to get right.

before this week, this month, you two barely ever fought nonetheless argued, so it’s odd to be so out of terms with you, odd to disagree.

“i didn’t mean that.” kuroo looks at you again, even though he knows you’re ignoring his glance.

his voice softens, “i’m just upset.”

and you finally look at him, “well, i’m upset too.”

the colleges the two of you are going to are twenty minutes apart, and it’s not much, but with his ambition and your dreams, it’s hard to prioritize your relationship over school.

it’s hard to spare twenty minutes only for him to leave again and miss you as you’re so far away.

kuroo knows how hard it is to be away from you, and the only thing that hurts more than that; is that he knows that you’ll eventually get tired of it too.

his room is dark now, the sun has set, and you’ll be having to go home soon.

your voice is soft, “do you want to break up?”

he blinks, and he finally realizes how glossy his eyes are getting.

“no.” kuroo tells you almost immediately, his head shaking, “i don’t want to ever do that.”

and you love him for it, but now it really feels like the conversation is approaching a dead end.

“school starts in a few days,” you tell him, your heart beating out of your chest, “and we’re both not okay with going separate ways.”

you feel defeated, “and i don’t want to fight anymore.”

and he scoffs, “you think i want to fight?”

“you keep getting upset with me!” you almost raise your voice, looking at him, you try not to yell, so your voice softens, “i don’t know what to do, i can’t change colleges, i can’t match your schedule, i can’t change these things.”

he looks back at you.

“i don’t know what to do.” your eyebrows furrow, “just tell me what to do, and i will do it.”

he doesn’t say anything.

your voice is threatening to break, but you hold against it, “just tell me what to do.”

for a minute, he doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t even look at you. his own hand tangled in his mess of a hair as if he’s racking his brain to figure things out.

kuroo doesn’t want to break up with you. he’s known this since he first kissed you, and ever since then, he’s sure — if he can’t be with you, he would rather be alone.

his eyes snap back up to you, like he’s just had a sudden idea, and a trail of sweat falls down his temple.

there’s a small smile forming on his lips, and he’s kind of sure of what to say next.

you look at him, and he looks back at you, with his soft — unsure — eyes that brims with nervousness and certainty all at once.

his voice is small, “marry me.”

and you laugh lightly, “don’t joke.”

“i’m serious.” he looks up to you from the dip of his bed, his smile unwavering, and he runs his fingers through his hair again.

he continues, “we find an apartment that’s close enough to both our schools, come home to each other, be together even if we’re mostly apart.”

“kuroo.” you look at him, eyebrows furrowed, and you’re so unsure of what to say, it makes you laugh, “this isn’t funny.”

“i mean it.” he looks at you so intently, it makes you take a breath.

he says this so easily as if he isn’t 19, as if he isn’t going off into college twenty minutes away from yours, as if he’s sure that you’re the only person he ever wants to be with.

kuroo offers you a small smile (and his entire, nervous heart), “marry me.”