#yrael

I talk a lot about behind-the-scenes stuff in the notes of that fic, mostly how I needed to rework the chapters to put more basic worldbuilding daemon info in, since the comments made it clear people were unfamiliar enough with the source material that some impactful moments I had planned wouldn't be as impactful unless I set up the rules. So that's why we get the flashback to the schoolyard with one child touching another's daemon and the reaction to that - I needed to explain the taboo against touch, so when the pirate touches Lambda, the horror and revulsion don't come out of nowhere.

But also - a lot of this fic was not planned out ahead of time. I didn't have a clear ending plan for it, so it meandered a bit and I'm still not really happy with the pacing. Too much happens at the start, then there's a long lull, then too much happens again with another long lull. I had a couple plot points I wanted to get through in each chapter, but oh my LORD they would not stop talking. Jumping around timewise affected that as well - though the non-linear storytelling allowed me to do stuff like the schoolyard scene when I needed to impart more information about daemons in general.

Below are some sections of my notes/outlines:

((SHE GETS TOUCHED by someone, she gets touched for sure, bc I need it thematically and to have the CONTRAST between the nauseating, skin-peelingly awful stranger touching her vs the feeling of benrey's hands on her. And when he gets to touch her later he starts by putting his hand over where the poacher had grabbed her, then ghosts his hand over the scar and they both fall in love.))

-> This shows I did not have it planned out originally to have someone touch Lambda, but it became very essential to the plot.

And then we cut back to gordon going through her pain and him and xen jetting back to help. And he's like aw my daemon's in pain but hooray I can feel her – and then he basically convulses bc he can feel foreign hands on him and xen, who was going to be chill and measured about this, just goes berserk instead >>later, benrey's like “ummm so...you touched my daemon.” and gordon immediately starts sputtering excuses but benrey just wants to even the score and touch lambda too, and she's the one who is like “yes, this guy can, it's okay” and the first thing benrey does is ghost his hand around the healing scar of her fin, the one he saw severed before his eyes, and gordon is like “oh. oh fuck.” bc of The Tenderness

Two options: one, she comes popping up and they both get annoyed at each other and then he goes back to his bunk and basically ignores benrey, who’s just like “wtf mate?” Or, two – she’s being pulled down by Humboldt squid and other daemons have to come to her aid, including something huge and dark and terrible that her sonar can’t make sense of (benrey’s daemon), while benrey holds Gordon back from jumping over the fucking railing into the wine-dark sea as he goes hysterical. Either way, later after they’re friends (benrey shows Gordon the beauty of the open sea – stars at night, bioluminescence, etc), they sit together and benrey helps Gordon as his daemon holds lambda as the boat continues, slowly tearing their connection until they’re separated, but not severed – like benrey and his daemon are. Once he’s not tied to his ocean-dwelling daemon, Gordon finds he actually likes being on the water, and hoorayyy happy ending. Or something.

His arm? Lost in a squid battle previously? Lost in this squid battle? – no, that would cut the journey short bc they’d have to take him to shore. hmmmm JK LAMBDA LOSES PART OF HER FLIPPER and Gordon feels the hurt bc they’re connected but then she’s fine bc it was only the tip of the pectoral fin.

-> I have a lot of little conversations with myself in the outline notes. I should date some of these so they're easier to keep track of, but that would take a great deal more organization than I think I'm capable of...

>>me?? Gordon is surprised and flattered, and lambda is exasperated. “who do you think I’ve been talking to for the past month? Oh my GOD you’re such a SQUARE.” Gordon is kinda flabbergasted that lambda would WANT to talk about him. Hmmm self-reflection time, methinks? A bit? Benrey explains their separation here, I think. might as well get all the revelations about her out of the way now. (nvm no space) (nvm yes space)

-> These used to be under chapter headers (I would finish one chapter and put "Part 6" or whatever and do a little outline of where the next chapter was starting or going - very important for writing momentum).

Below is an early outline for their possible separation - that was something I knew needed to happen. Gordon had to become separated from his daemon to appreciate staying close to her. But the "how" of it was very up in the air for a while, and at one point it was going to be a slow, deliberate thing that Benrey and Xen would help with. I prefer the fic version, obviously.

Maybe lambda brings up separation. Benrey tells the story of how he’s hurt from the pirates, 14 and fresh-settled and scared out of his mind and alone, alone – but never alone, not really, bc he has his daemon. But he’s hurt and he needs help, and he also has a half-mile long daemon who can’t leave the water. She’s terrified he’ll get so sick/infected he can’t move, so she pushes him to get ashore and get help, and finds a small village where that can happen. Twenty years later, they still worship her as a god...but anyway, lambda is like “if they can do it, we can do it too” and Gordon is like “wait...you want to get rid of me?? Sad puppy eyes, nevermind the fact that he’s been yearning to escape for years. There’s a big discussion and they end up eventually deciding to do it. Maybe out on a zodiac, pilfered at night? Or at night in gordon’s bunk, single and low in the ship bc he has to be...more privacy? Maybe? But then after she comes back (with benrey’s daemon having held her tight just as benrey held Gordon as the ship kept trundling on and slowly, passively, pulled them both apart) he’s so spooked that she’ll leave him or something he gets smothering.

And then more musing on how to make the separation work below:

Storm? Gordon goes overboard maybe? (damsel in distress lol) – could have him wake up laying on his back in like two inches of water, and he doesn't understand what he's on as he scrambles to a sitting position and just sees wet, flexible material as far as he can see in every direction, until one end of it raises up and there's tentacles, and he realizes with horror (and excitement) that it's benrey's daemon holding him up (buuuuut why wouldn't she just bring him back? So hmmmm) >>maybe pirates and storm at the same time? And gordon gets knocked overboard, but they've already got the waterbound daemons in a net, so lambda can't follow him? Benrey/gordon daemon switch for a short period of time until benrey's daemon can get him to safety and go back and whack the pirate vessel, who were probably hoping to ransom crew and/or steal and sell their fancy equipment part of the on-board security team's job is specifically to keep benrey safe, so no one hostile can use him to make his daemon hurt anyone. Maybe if there's a pirate attack, they circle up around him, and that leaves gordon vulnerable? Maybe.... show the separation scene (ORRRR have it be the pirate scene??) YES THIS

And then one of the earliest versions of a "thesis" to this fic: Gordon is full of ennui for being a desert person forced to sea by his daemon. Benrey's like “sea's just another kind of desert, bro” - and Gordon is enlightened

And one of the earliest outlines of the potential ending (I think I wrote this when I was about halfway through): >>>***toward the end, he’s swimming in the open sea (which he didn’t want to do previously – chicken hat) and has to finally ask her why she settled as a dolphin and she explains the whole “we wanted to live but we would have just survived” if they went back to the desert, etc, and he finally admits that it was a good choice, as he’s watching a shirtless benrey’s hairy chest flexing on the inflatable platform >>FINAL FLASHBACK to when they were kids and she changed flick flick flick to different things, and they're so curious and engaged – not knowing there are storms ahead, but also blue skies and clear sailing. And it'll be worth it, because of that. All the storms and the muddy waters will be worth it for the immense glowing weight of xen and the single-minded regard of benrey, along with the companionship of a group of friends they never could have imagined as kids. It'll all be worth it in the end.

...This kind of turned into Quotemageddon, but hopefully it gives some extra insight into my process and this fic's growth. I never plan for my multichapter works to be as long as they turn out, but this one especially came out of left field with how long it is. It does not have to be that long. It's longer than Speechless, for crying out loud! However, the Among Us crossover has already overtaken it, so that's okay.

I have looked up and down, reverse image searched and everything (a whopping 0 hits!) and I cannot find the artist of this piece. I highly suspect they removed it from the internet as I saved it in July of 2021.

IT'S THAT TIME AGAIN FOLKS, NEED HELP FINDING THE ARTIST!