I often ask myself where I am going to be in ten years. My answer is always different. Sometimes I am so positive about the future and other times I can’t really see the point. So now, I cannot decide what my future will be like. Many people that I know went to college and many of them have a degree. Many even have jobs. In my eyes they have done very well for themselves. I would like to believe that they are happy. And then there is me. Lost in this world of responsibilities. Sometimes I believe that I was not meant to reach adulthood. I often reference my life to a book called The Cather in the Rye. If you read it, you know what it is all about. This young man called Holden was not doing very well in school. He had no intention to go to college or anything else. He hated adults. He couldn’t stand an idea that he could become one. Almost at the end of the book there is his powerful vision. He would like to stand on the edge of the rye filed on witch children are playing. As the time passes they fell in to the chasm. That symbolizes adulthood. However he is standing on the edge of the field so he can catch them and they never become adults.
I would really like to be caught, so I could never become adult and be facing this many responsibilities. I know how childish this sound and I know that is not possible. But at least I can dream about it. Never the less I had a point with this story. I was a witness of many upcoming adults. Some have been successful in this process and some not. What I mean with successful is following your passion. In some way, they incorporate their passion with their job. That is not easy, but definitely worth it. I believe they would say that. I know I am still in this process. I am trying to be optimistic. Although this next segment is meant to people like me. People, who don’t really have the best education, but have a lot experiences and are constantly learning. I have dropped out of college, because it was too hard for me. I was not learning. Therefore, I became self-thought student. I am also a student of wellness, but mostly self thought. I read a lot and I go to different educational seminars. I don’t have a job. Honestly I wasn’t looking for one. But I do have two jobs as a student. From Monday to Friday I work in archive office. At the weekend I work as a receptor in a sport center. I don’t particular like my jobs but they give me experiences and steady money so I can pay of my student loan and get my license. Just like many of friends I don’t feel fulfilled with my life. That is probably because my job is not connected with my passion. Would I feel different if it was? That is something Simon Sinek gave me to think about. He is motivational speaker, marketing consultant and so much more. I have listened to one of his speeches about Millennials. That is a generation who was born after 1984. At that time those parents had different approach to parenting. Those were somewhat peaceful times and that changed many things. People started to be more protected of their children. That could be because they haven’t been as a child. Parents were less strict with their children in a sense of wining. Of course grades and school were now more important than ever. Something huge has shifted. Children were getting rewards even if they were last at competition. They were encouraged and appreciated no matter the score result. There is nothing wrong with that but it did something that is happening with this generation right now. By the way I am this generation. So all of the sudden children are told they can be whatever they want to be. They just must work hard and the result will speak for itself. So there you have it. A little girl is now wondering what she wants to become. She doesn’t really know how the world works but she doesn’t have to, right? Why should a little child know how cruel the world is, if she can enjoy now and worry later. I believe that is how parents were thinking and still are. I speak from my own experiences. As a kid I was beaten quite a lot from my parents. My grades were very important to them. However, no matter the pain and disappointment they always said I could do whatever I wanted in life. I always had this gut feeling I have to make an impact. An impact on this whole world. Which is a very hard thing to do for a little child. But it was there. This idea was growing inside me. I wanted to change the world in so many different ways. And when I saw my dreams in this realty I was dishearten. Devastated. I lost all of my hope for humanity. That didn’t happen in one day, but it took a couple of years. I wasn’t making any impact in this world, not even on my closest friends and family. I was nothing. I was worthless. All these years I was told I could do anything. They never told me how hard it is to do actually do what you want in this world.
Exactly there it begun. Like for many other like me. Alcohol, drugs, bad company, low self-esteem, no goals, no dreams. No sparks in my eyes. Dead inside out. While the time goes on, many other things pile on. This cycle continues forever. For many this cycle is still happening. That doesn’t mean they are lost or worthless. They were just lied to. They were hurt and disappointed. They just want a better world and have no idea where to start. I am one of them but I am trying. I will die trying. I will change this world, there is no doubt about it anymore. That little girl is still alive inside of me. She has to be, because I am still trying right? And I know it is still alive in you. No meter the pain and loss, she is there. Crying and screaming for you to hear her. Just listen. Listen to her and you will be grateful for all the pain you have gone through, because that made you. And you are most imperfect perfection there is. Don’t ever forget that. Don’t allow them to take it away from you.
