It's so fucking agonizing to wait until end of july for me to go full hog. I can't eat or think of food without getting horny and the moment I eat " a little bit" more my horny brain goes into overdrive and fantasizes about gulfing down obscene amounts and growing at a rapid rate.
I was so naive to think that knowing and informing people that I have to maintain for some time (Surgery Prep & LARP Season) would help me, because it sets a clear plan and something to look forward to.
What's better to look forward to than finally letting go and become obese at an alarming rate for normal people?
But the kicker is: It does not help at all to know. Iam just getting giddier and more annoyed day by day, especially because i WANT to give in. I WANT to lose control and have my failure ensure that I can not fit into my LARP Clothes like a Cliche from a Weight Gain Comic. What's even worse is, that there are 2 people I'll meet for Dates soon that BOTH want to tie me up to feed me. I want - No - NEED that so bad.
And YOU are not making it easier. Even though iam still somewhat invisible in this community I already have Feeders sitting on my shoulders like little devils that want me to give in, to fail, to fatten up for their and mine pleasure, to embrace the greedy cow I am. Probably the only thing that would help would be to disconnect from the Community for some time, since it's dominating my entire existence.
But ... I don't want to.
I wanna fail.
I wanna be enabled.
And pathetically I wanna be acknowledged as a fat greedy cow, who is a slave to their need for food and fat.
Oof those will be a tough 4 months for me.
