#yangqism

“I am not a homewrecker,” you defended yourself to Karina, a junior of yours, after she caught you looking with heart eyes to your senior, Kun. “He’s just so… charismatic. It makes me wonder how Hyeyeon pulled him.”

Hyeyeon used to be a trainee at SM Entertainment but left because she didn’t make the cut for aespa. You, on the other hand, debuted as a soloist the same year WayV debuted, just a few months later. Ever since your trainee days, you have been close to the aespa members as well as other trainees but never Hyeyeon. 

Because she has who you want. 

“Yeah, just keep saying that to yourself until you come to your senses,” Karina rolled her eyes. She’s always been the one to remind you that Qian Kun is taken by an ex-trainee while the other three would just feed your delusions and support you, equally problematic like you.

“Just listen to me, will you?” You sighed, sitting down at one of the chairs at SM’s cafeteria while Karina followed your motion. “It was just a glimpse… I haven’t seen him in months and whenever we have interactions, we just go, ‘Hi, Hello!’ and never have longer conversations. I’m not tempting him to cheat with me!” The last sentence came out as a whisper rather than a shout because you were afraid people from your own company would hear your conversation with the girl in front of you. 

Before Karina could condemn you again, Kun walked into the doors of the cafeteria with his left arm around Hyeyeon’s waist. Both of them were giggly and looked deeply in love with each other. Kun made eye contact with you and nodded at your direction while you did the same, feeling sheepish and envious all of a sudden. Wishing that it was you he was holding. 

“It’s been four years since your obsession with him began, Y/N. Looks like you better move on ‘cuz it looks like they aren’t separating anytime soon,” Karina teased, smiling widely at your semi-distraught state after having eye contact with your senior, who you dearly love, who was with his girlfriend, who you dearly hate.

“Whatever,” was the last thing you said to Karina before leaving her to head towards your practice room. 

Earlier today, you were informed by your manager that some artists would borrow your practice room for the rest of the week because their room is under renovation. Of course, you happily responded to your manager but you didn’t know who the artist was. Or who they are. 

Break up with your girlfriend, cuz I’m bored…

The lyrics of the song filled the whole room as you started practicing your special performance scheduled for next month. You decided to perform Ariana Grande’s song which is very fitting for your situation right now. 

You swayed and rolled your hips to the side followed by a kneeling position where you bent and humped the floor sensually, clearly immersed by the song and the man you were thinking of. Unbeknownst to you, Kun entered your practice room while you were deeply focused on dancing, slightly embarrassed to see you touching every part of your body sensually and even humping down the floor. To him, you owned the song. 

He wanted to exit the room quietly but his body was frozen in place. His eyes scanned you head to toe, your movement, facial expression, and even your breathing. He was skimming you thoroughly and felt this unexplainable ache in his chest for looking at another woman the way he would look at his girlfriend. 

By the end of your dance, you noticed an awkward Kun standing near the door, watching you. At first, you immediately bowed to show respect to him and greeted him with a smile to which he replied with warmth. 

“Kun-oppa! Nice to meet you!” You greeted, hoping that this is the start of a finally long conversation with your lovely senior.

“Y/N. Your dancing was so good! I almost thought that I might distract you,” he cursed to himself because if anyone was distracted, it would be him and not you. If only you could see the way his gaze lingered at your body and face, he thinks that you’d probably be weirded out by him. 

“Oh, I didn’t notice you while I was practicing so yeah…” You sheepishly replied, eyes glued to the floor, not wanting to meet Kun’s gaze that, even if you cannot see him eye to eye, intimidated you so much. 

Just as when you thought it would be the last conversation you’ll have with your beloved senior for the day, your mind wandered off to something that you know you will regret afterwards… but you want to at least try. 

“Sunbae…” you trailed. Your eyes now bravely meet his. Naught was evident in your current state as you slowly walked closer to Kun. 

The man started getting nervous as you stopped near him. The only barrier the both of you have is at least one inch of air and clothes. “Yes..?” He asked tensely. Kun wanted to put more space between the both of you but his body won’t budge to what his mind wants. He stood there, extremely close to you and his anxiousness to what you are about to say was clear in his demeanor.

“Would you like to watch me dance again? And then you can give me advice afterwards.” Your tone was achingly flirtatious and you winced after that came out of your mouth. You hoped that he’d agree while he hoped that his members would come sooner or he’d accept your offer and make more immoral thoughts about you… while he has a girlfriend.

It took a while for Kun to respond to what you had just said. He closed his eyes for a moment and inhaled deeply, his members still didn’t arrive even though the situation he is in right now needed them.

And he answered you with something both of you knew would change the trajectory of your relationship with each other.

“Sure, it’d be my pleasure.”

It was indeed his pleasure to see you dance upfront than by the mirror. Kun watched in awe as you perfected the moves, adding sensual touches here and there which made him feel guilty. 

But why would he feel guilty if he wasn’t interested in you?

You can hit it in the mornin’, like it’s yours

I know it ain’t right

But I don’t care

Break up with your girlfriend

Cause I’m bored 

You mouthed the lyrics while pointing to Kun, walking closer to where he was seated. While you were slowly dancing your way to Kun, he cannot deny the nervousness filling up his whole body, watching your next move. Guiltily waiting for what is next. Hoping for something to happen. Guiltily. 

At this point, you weren’t in your usual self because you were too preoccupied with the song. You were feeling the song so much that you didn’t notice you were humping Kun’s lap rather than the floor. That you were seductively singing your lyrics to his ear. That you were breathing heavily while singing. That he can hear everything. And that he can feel you the way you are feeling the warmth of his body right now. 

“Break up with your girlfriend,” was your final verse and you were still in his lap, sitting in his tough thighs that are now clenched underneath you. Oh, how you loved the feeling of your beloved senior’s lap. You enjoyed every second of it and you highkey hope he did too. 

You and Kun spent an entire minute looking at each other’s eyes, waiting for who will give in first. Waiting for who will initiate something. Waiting for something. 

“So… how was it, oppa?” You bit your lower lip, slowly sitting beside Kun who was clearly having a hard time processing what had happened to him and his precious lap. “Kun?”

When he didn’t answer you the first time, you got worried, thinking that he was actually as stuck up as other people and as the media portrayed him to be and that he wasn’t ready to experience that with you, his junior who he did not have any communication with whatsoever before it happened. 

But what he did startled you more than how you startled him. He grabbed your head forcefully and made your lips meet each other. You moaned at the sudden contact, touching his shoulders and sitting back to his lap and grinded harshly on his now prominent boner. Your tongues started battling for dominance and his hands are now on your ass, squeezing it hard making you whimper. 

“Kun…” 

“You like this huh, Y/N?” He groaned, his kisses moving down to your neck where he left sloppy kisses. “You like riling your seniors up, Y/N? You like it when you act like a slut in front of your seniors?” He was degrading you and you loved every second of it. 

“Only… hmn… for Kun…ah!” You replied breathily, his hands now groping your chests. He was so close to removing your shirt when you heard the loud noise of his members heading to your practice room. Only then did you remember that they were supposed to practice right after you, leading you to push your body off of Kun. Hurriedly, you left your own practice room while Kun sat there, realizing what he had done. 

“Shit,” he muttered under his breath. 

“What have I done?” You were walking back and forth in front of the aespa members, biting your nails and your eyebrows furrowed. It was the week after your sinful interaction with your long-time crush who has a girlfriend and you cannot sleep at peace every night thinking of what you had done, of what you had made him do. It was all your fault and your conscience is eating you up. You vividly remember how frantic you were to the remaining WayV members heading to your practice room that you bowed to them without making eye contact, because of the guilt that you had done something morally and ethically wrong with their leader. 

“Well, if only you acted more like a mature woman, this wouldn’t happen,” Karina scolded you and you definitely deserved that for what you did. 

“But think of it, Y/N-eonnie! It means he’s interested in you! ‘Cause he wouldn’t have done that if he wasn’t!” Ningning butted in, her smile was so wide you almost gave in to the thought that THE Qian Kun is interested in you. 

“No! I tempted him… oh god.. I’m the worst human being ever! How can I face him again?! How can I face Hyeyeon again?” You’re now sitting on your room's floor, hair disheveled, clothes crumpled, and everything. Clearly, what had happened affected you so much that you were in a panic. 

“So, what’s your plan?” Giselle asked, unbothered at your current state. 

“I’ll just ignore him and then pretend that what happened to us never happened and… that it was all in our imagination! See?” You rambled like crazy, grinning idiotically while eyeing the four girls at your sofa.

“You can’t just ignore Kun… We have SMTOWN next week,” Winter amusingly replied to you.

“Fuuck,” you pulled your hair so hard they thought you were about to become bald. “What do I do?!”

The rest of the week before SMTOWN Concert was just you explicitly avoiding Kun to the point that even his members are asking him why you are acting weird around them. Kun just shrugged at them, knowing that he was the reason why you’re doing that but they have no right to know why because they will definitely look at him with disdain.

While you were busy going to places where Kun won’t go, he was busy trying to chase you to apologize and to have a proper closure about what had happened before. He confessed to himself that he gave in to you because you were so beautiful while you danced and he saw how immersed you were while dancing that it made him make out with you. He never told Hyeyeon what happened because he felt guilty the first few days but later on, it was replaced with his yearning for you to talk to him again, to greet him again like a senior as if nothing bad happened.

Kun never understood why he suddenly felt this way towards you after what the both of you had done but ever since, when you’re not looking or when you thought that he’s not around, he would steal glances and observe you from afar… slowly building up his forbidden liking for you. He hated every single thought of him corrupting and liking you while hurting Hyeyeon because everyone knows Qian Kun is smart, stuck-up, and perfect, until you came. You had affected him. You made his wall crumble and you made him feel things he isn’t supposed to feel towards someone that isn't his lover. You made Qian Kun a sinner.

Day by day, his love for Hyeyeon became colder but the girl was oblivious to her now distant boyfriend because Kun still acted lovey dovey towards her and made her feel warm and giddy. Though, he’d rather spend days chasing you than acting to Hyeyeon. 

At that moment, Kun realized how much of an asshole he is for playing with Hyeyeon and for looking at you while his girlfriend wasn’t around. He felt like a dick because he couldn’t break up with his girlfriend, hating the fact that he’d hurt the woman he swore he’d marry before. 

But oh well, turns out he wasn’t the only one having fun when he’s unavailable. 

It was a sunny day right before SMTOWN, the artists were diligently doing their final rehearsal at the Sky Dome while Giselle begged you to go out and buy food with her for the other members. You agreed immediately because your rehearsal was finished an hour ago but you still stayed in hopes of seeing Kun perform on stage.

“What do you want, Y/N?” Giselle asked you, scanning the dessert aisle of the convenience store. 

“I just want some corn dog and iced coffee. What ‘bout you? I’ll pay for everything,” you offered but before Giselle could celebrate you spoke again, “But you’ll go to the counter and do the talking, I’ll just give you my card.” 

“Hah… seriously. You never fail to get my hopes up just to disappoint me,” Giselle complained but still managed to go to the counter with all of the food.

“You want free food or nah?” The girl just looked at you dejectedly.

“What’s with two coffees anyway?” 

“I’m giving it to Kun…” Giselle noticed the way your eyes looked around the store, not wanting to meet her teasing gaze. “I know the look you’re giving me right now and I’m not loving it.” 

“Yeah… ‘cuz what happened to avoiding him?”

“Look at his arms and tell me if you can ignore someone like him.” The girl just nodded in agreement to what you had said. 

When the both of you exited the convenience store, you cannot help but notice a familiar figure at a coffee shop near the venue of the concert. You urged Giselle to follow you and observed the familiar figure, to see if you can recall who it was. 

It was Hyeyeon with an unfamiliar guy, laughing together. He even kissed Hyeyeon’s temple and it was enough for you to realize that she had been cheating on Kun while he worked his ass off inside the stadium. Giselle looked at you worriedly, afraid that you might barge inside the coffee shop and attack Hyeyeon.

“Isn’t that the girlfriend of your crush?”

“Y-yeah… but if she’s cheating, why do it at a place near the stadium?” 

“Ask your crush, not me. I just want to eat. Come on, Y/N. Karina and the others are waiting for us,” before you followed Giselle back to the venue, you took a couple of pictures of the two as a proof to show to Kun. 

Of course, rather than feeling bad for the man, you thought of this as a chance to get him. To make him yours. 

Backstage, you told the other girls the scene you saw with Giselle. At first, they told you not to jump to any conclusions because maybe they’re relatives, waiting for Kun to finish his rehearsals so they could meet. But something isn’t quite right and it’s bothering you.

“I will tell him about this!” You figured that this is the chance to talk to him again, to act innocent and show him a picture of his girlfriend being kissed at the temple by another man. To tell him that you’re just concerned for his relationship. 

“How would you, though? If you go to their waiting room, everyone will be suspicious. You know how things get if a rumor gets out that you’re talking to Kun,” Winter tilted her head, her eyes scanning your face, waiting for your response. 

“And that’s why we have Ningning!” You gleamed, looking at the youngest member with imploring eyes.

Ningning swallowed hard, evaluating the situation she’s in. She doesn’t want to be some catalyst for another person’s heartbreak but she wants you to shut up about Kun. In the end, she’s closer to you than she is to Hyeyeon and what is right is always with the ones closest to you. 

She took a deep breath followed by a click of her tongue, “I can’t believe I’m tolerating you. If your fans knew about this, they’d go mad,” was what she said before heading to WayV’s waiting room to look for Kun. 

The thought of your fans knowing your sinful escapade with your senior who has a girlfriend ignited the thrill in your heart you never knew you had. You are fully aware of how big the backlash can be if ever this gets out, of how you might potentially lose your job and be the most hated idol in the industry ever. But the excitement overpowers the fear of whatever the consequences of your actions can lead to. If it’s for Kun. 

Ningning led Kun to the girls’ waiting room, urging the rest of her members to get out, leaving you and him alone. 

“Kun-oppa…” Awkward tension filled the room. He wasn’t speaking to you and was just looking into your eyes indirectly from the mirror you are in front of. “Hi.” You bit your lip as your body started to feel hot from the presence of Kun. 

“Are you avoiding me, Y/N?” Was all he needed to say for you to sit up straight and look back at him. 

“Who wouldn’t?” You retorted, “After the thing I did to you… I felt bad.” And that you did. You genuinely felt bad for riling his mood up, for not stopping, for taking advantage of him. 

“It’s not anyone’s fault, Y/N. I chose to do that with you,” Kun replied, patting the couch, urging you to sit beside him which you immediately conformed to. “Why’d you bring me here?” 

Looking at his eyes almost made you forget the reason Ningning brought him here. But before dropping the big news, you first gave him the coffee you bought earlier for him, earning a small ‘thanks’ from him. 

“I have something to show you,” you firmly said. This time, you were looking seriously into his eyes that he cannot fathom what you are about to tell. “But first, does Hyeyeon know it’s your last rehearsal today?” You winced at the sound of his girlfriend’s name from your mouth, feeling like the lowest being on Earth.

He found it weird for you to ask him about his girlfriend when you have an unexplainable tension between the both of you but he shook his head no. 

With your hands trembling, you unlocked your phone and opened your gallery app to show him the images you took earlier of Hyeyeon and an unknown man, acting very intimate at the coffee shop near the stadium. “I saw them when me and Giselle went out earlier to buy snacks.” 

At first, Kun frowned slightly, then his head leaned closer to your phone to get a better view of what you’re showing him. After looking at the photo for a minute, it seems to be engraved into his mind. His jaws clenched tightly and said nothing for a long time, just observing what was happening in the photo. 

“That’s…” His voice became so low that you felt even hotter, sitting close next to him. You can tell that he was mad and disappointed at the thing you showed him. “Is this true?” He questioned you, his voice heavy with tension.

“Kun, I would never lie to you.” 

Kun stared at the photo for a moment longer, his expression completely unreadable. Then, he let out a soft, unamused chuckle, running a hand through his hair. “So this is what she’s been doing,” he murmured, almost to himself.

“Kun…” You hesitated, your voice soft. “I’m sorry.”

He shook his head again in disagreement. “Thank you for showing me. I wouldn’t have known otherwise.” 

You watched his fingers rake his hair again, his body seemingly sinking under an invisible weight. As you were closer in determining what he was feeling, his demeanor suddenly shifted from a betrayed man to something darker. 

At the night before the concert, Kun couldn’t stop thinking about the photo you’d shown him. The image of Hyeyeon smiling and leaning into another man wasn’t just a betrayal—it was the perfect opportunity. He wasn’t proud of himself for thinking that way, but the guilt of his own infidelity had been gnawing at him, and now, for the first time in weeks, he saw a way to relieve himself. 

When Hyeyeon showed up to his dorm, he was greeted with her lively demeanor and a kiss on the cheek. But he wasn’t having any of it. He wanted to end this quickly so that he could go back chasing you. 

“Hyeyeon, who is he?” He asked, his phone now in front of Hyeyeon’s face. Her eyes welcomed the photo you took which is now on Kun’s phone. 

His girlfriend’s smile faded and it was replaced by shock, her mouth slightly open. “Kun? I don’t know–He’s just a friend… Where did you even get this?” Her thoughts were all over the place and all she could think was how she could defend herself to keep Kun with her. 

Kun inhaled sharply and licked his bottom lip, showing annoyance to the female. “Just a friend? Are you kidding me, Hyeyeon? Look at the way he’s touching you. Hell, he even kissed your temple!” He raised his voice in annoyance as Hyeyeon now started tearing up. 

“Kun, I swear it’s not what it looks like. I would neve-” Before Hyeyeon could finish her sentence, Kun interrupted her. 

His eyes showed his deep disappointment to his soon-to-be-former lover as if he was incredibly hurt from what she did. “Never? Because it sure looks like you would!” He pointed at the photo again. “I’ve been working all day and night, trying to keep our relationship stable despite everything, and this is how you repay me?” His tone cracked, filled with fabricated hurt, though inside, he was now unaffected by her betrayal. 

“I’m sorry, Kun! I didn’t think that… that it would go this far.”

“You definitely did not think, Hyeyeon, because who would ever do that to their boyfriend? Huh? Do you even care about the efforts I made to keep you safe? The sacrifices?” His voice was sharp and clear, laced with hypocrisy from someone who isn’t innocent but wants to make her the guilty one. “I am more than disappointed in you, Hyeyeon. For me, you were my everything.”

Hyeyeon wanted to talk again, to defend herself. She wanted to make things right but Kun was having none of it. He was having enough of acting in front of her. “This won’t do, Hyeyeon.” He stated whilst shaking his head. “This won’t do. I think we have to end our relationship. We have to stop.” 

Her eyes widened and she violently disagreed with what he had just said. “No please, Kun! Please give me another chance. Please!” She clasped her palms together in front of him, desperate for some sort of kindness Kun might give her. 

“We’re over, Hyeyeon.” Was the last thing he said before escorting the woman out of his dorm. 

The next day, news of Hyeyeon cheating on Kun spread like wildfire. A lot of the staff has sympathized with him, especially his members but he assured them that he is fine. That everything is okay and he can manage… which he definitely is, considering how he took his confrontation with Hyeyeon as a chance to make her guilty. 

Right after your performance, you spent a moment backstage to observe the chaos of the staff running frantically in different directions. The hum of the stage’s booming bass reverberated through the walls, each thud is a reminder of the performer’s passion to be on stage, in front of their fans. 

You then entered your dressing room which was dim and the fluorescents were flickering softly overhead. You were about to close the door to change when you saw Kun standing by the door, his chest heaving slightly as if he was running after you, afraid you’d avoid him again. 

His eyes–dark and piercing–met yours and held them captive. The tension was unbearable and the silence was heavy. He then closed the door behind him and locked it. The sound of the door locking seemed to echo louder than it should have, making your breath hitch. 

He turned to you and eyed you from head to toe, like the time he was watching you dance. “You were great out there,” he complimented you, walking closer to your current position. 

“Thank you,” you bit your lower lip, eyes now avoiding his intense gaze. “What are you doing here?” 

“I broke up with Hyeyeon,” he explained, his calm voice serenading your ears but you cannot help but hear the slight crack of his voice from the mention of his ex’s name. 

You looked at him with wide eyes, head tilted to the side. “You what?”

“I ended it with Hyeyeon,” his voice was firm and sharp. “Because I couldn’t keep lying to myself. About her. About you.” 

You blinked, trying to process what he had just said to you. Your emotions are now all over the place, your chest feels tight, and your thoughts are racing. “Kun, I–”

“You don’t get it, do you?” he interrupted your dialogue, his voice came out as a growl that sent shivers down your spine. He stepped closer to you, your clothes brushed into each other, and his gaze pinned you in place. “You’ve turned my whole life upside down, and now I don’t even know who I am.” 

His confession hit you hard, leaving you breathless. Your legs weaken second by second because of him and what he’s doing to you. You tried to say something but nothing was coming out of your mouth. 

He was just looking at your current state but Kun is trying so hard to contain himself. His jaw clenched, hands curling into fists at his sides as he disciplined himself in front of you. “I thought I had everything figured out, Y/N. But you came along and nothing makes sense anymore.” 

You now took the courage to touch his arm. “Kun,” you whispered with your voice trembling. “I never meant to–” 

“Don’t,” his voice cracked. “Don’t say you didn’t mean to, because we both know it’s not true.” His eyes were filled with overflowing emotion that you know is genuine and is making your heart ache. 

“Then what do you want me to say? That I feel the same? That I’ve liked you for a long time? That I can’t stop thinking about you?” 

You could feel the heat radiating off of him and instead of answering you, he closed the distance between you in two swift sides. He, now, can no longer contain his frustration as he gently held your face and crashed his lips against yours. 

The kiss was rough and desperate, filled with everything the both of you couldn’t put into words at your current state. You gasped against his mouth, hands flying up to hold his shoulders as he pulled you even more closer to him. His fingers slid into your hair, holding you in place as the kiss deepened, his tongue sweeping past your lips to tangle with yours. 

You pulled out to take a breath, your forehead rested against his. Kun’s hands moved to your waist, gripping you tightly, afraid you might disappear. 

“Kiss me again,” you whispered, almost coming out inaudible but he complied. Your lips met his again and your right hand wandered downwards, towards his crotch. You were massaging his now hardened member just underneath his clothes, earning a groan from the man himself. 

His hands slid down to your thighs, lifting you effortlessly onto the counter as his lips moved to your neck, sucking, kissing, and biting your sensitive skin. 

“Ahh… Kun!” You gasped, both of your hands now busy with removing his pant’s zipper. Once his dick was out, you spat on your palm then moved to stroke it. You kissed him again while moving your hands up and down, giving special attention to his sensitive head, earning a groan from his lips. 

“Oh, Y/N…” His hands roamed your body, slipping beneath your outfit to explore the bare skin of your thighs. When he reached the edge of your underwear, he hesitated, his dark eyes met yours in a silent question. 

You nodded fervently, your body now filled with lust and all you can think about is his fingers inside yours. “Yes, please… Please, Kun,” you breathed out, removing your hands from his member, letting him kneel so that his face meets your womanhood. 

His lips curved into a smirk as you spread your legs widely for him to see how much wetness has covered your underwear. “Excited, hm?” 

“Please, just eat me out,” your pleading eyes met his and he groaned at the lustful sight in front of him. Your legs spread out nicely for him to take a good view of your covered pussy while your lipstick was smudged all over your face, and your hair now disheveled. 

Your position is enough for him to remove your panty and throw it at the side. His thumb gently spread your wetness all over your pussy and his face inched closer to your heat. You were grinding on his thumb, moaning and whining for him to finger, suck–just anything he can do to you to relieve the arousal in your middle. 

The world outside faded away as Kun slid two of his fingers inside you, his lips now sucking and licking your clit. Your eyes rolling to the back of your head, your hands gripping his hair tightly, and your legs now surround his head, pulling him even closer to you. 

He fingered you fast and rough, your wetness and moans filled the whole of your dressing room. Kun was so turned on by you that his left hand now jerked his neglected member. His fingers curled into your g-spot while he spitted on your womanhood. “Fuck,” he bit his lower lip before diving into your pussy again. “You’re pussy’s so good for me, Y/N. It’s clenching my fingers so tight.” 

“Oh, Kun! Right there, oh…” You weren’t listening to what he was saying, your mind now in euphoria as he added another finger, making you whimper. “Fuck! Kun!” His fast movements followed by the abuse of your clit from his mouth was enough for you to chant his name repeatedly and loudly, the music at the stage overpowering your noises. “Mmm… s’ close, Kun… let me cum, please," you tried your best to talk, the knot in your stomach aching to be released. 

“Not yet, sweetheart. Need to feel your cum on my dick,” the way Kun said those sexual things ignited the fire inside you. Never in your whole life would you expect this senior of yours to say those explicit things to you, intensely. 

He stopped fingering you, edging you in process and making you whine. “Shh, so impatient.” 

Kun wrapped the condom he had prepared beforehand, to his member before grinding it on the lips of your sensitive, wet pussy. “Fuck…” He groaned, eyes now closed as he entered your womanhood. 

He kissed you deeply while thrusting slowly, the squelching sound was so erotic that it turned him on more. Your insides clenched on his member, making him pound faster and harder into you. 

Overwhelmed is an understatement on what you are feeling right now. Every nerve in your body had been set alight as you clung to him for dear life. Each of his thrust sends waves of pleasure crashing over you. 

You didn’t care about what was happening in the outside world. There was only him–his touch, his breath, his whispered name falling from your lips like a prayer, and his member that’s rearranging your insides. 

You clenched tight on him, your hands finding their way to his clothed back, scratching and holding for support. “‘m close… So close…” You murmured, eyes closed in ecstasy while Kun guided you through your release. 

“Hmm, cum with me, sweetheart,” the sounds from the both of you became more desperate and the clashing of your skin to his filled the entire room. 

When the tension finally snapped, it crashed over the both of you, leaving you trembling on Kun’s hold. His forehead rested against yours as you both struggled to catch your breath. 

Kun pressed a kiss to your cheek, his hand cradling the back of your head as if to shield you from the weight of what had just happened. 

“We can’t go back after this,” he said quietly, his voice still hoarse. 

“I know,” you replied, your fingers tracing lazy circles on his chest. “But maybe… maybe we don’t need to.”

That was all Kun needed to hear from you. He cleaned you up and helped you sit on your dressing room’s couch. 

You first met Yangyang at a press conference after an award show your parents were invited for and you were their plus one. The journalist decided to pick on you, asking you pressing questions regarding your status in the industry. 

“What do you feel that everyone’s calling you a nepo baby, Ms. Y/N?” Well, you almost wish the journalist hadn’t called you ‘Miss’ if his question was like that. 

You just smiled at him awkwardly, never giving in to their pressing questions about your relevance in the acting industry. Afterall, you believe you’re more than just your parents. Sure, they opened this path for you but you’re working hard to show to everyone that you deserve that spot. 

You never really paid attention to the young actor during that time but you saw him looking at you while you were being interrogated by the rude journalist. Your eyes met for a brief moment before he broke it to talk to another actor. 

At first, Yangyang didn’t feel bad for you during that time, considering how he thought you were an annoying actress, like what he had heard from rumors. 

“Miss Y/N, what’s with you today? You keep on failing the scene,” the director yells another disappointed ‘cut!’ after you fumbled your lines with a scene with Sicheng. “Let’s take 5!” 

“I’m sorry, Sicheng,” you gave an apologetic smile to the star actor but he just shrugged and went to his assistant to freshen up. 

If there was one thing you loved about working with Sicheng, it was because he doesn’t really care about where you came from or what you did to become his female lead. He’s just there for work. A bonus is that he treats you nicely, he’s just nonchalant at times. Especially when that pop star comes into the set. 

“You’re too stiff, Y/N,” the sudden voice from behind your back startled you. You whip around to see Yangyang leaning casually against a prop stand, arms crossed and an amused grin tugging at his lips. 

“Your body’s too tense, that’s why you keep messing up,” he points out, tilting his head. “I saw it when you were delivering your lines.”  

“Oh, Yangyang-sunbaenim! I see, I’ll try to deliver these lines as smoothly as possible,” you replied, giving him a small smile.

“Practice it to me.” 

“Huh?”

“Practice your line to me and I can give you feedback, dummy,” Yangyang reiterated, his tone filled with playful impatience.

“O-oh! Uhm…” You focus, taking a deep breath before looking directly into his eyes, “Lei… I don’t think you can understand me… I don’t think we’re… we’re…” Your voice falters right where it did before. You clench your jaw, trying to force the words out, but they just won’t come. 

Your shoulders drop as you let out a sigh of defeat, “I don’t think I can do this,” you admit, your voice barely a whisper but Yangyang heard it. 

“You think you can’t because you want Lei and Riko to be together. You’re so immersed in your role right now, Y/N,” Yangyang scolded, giving you a bottle of water from his staff. 

“This isn't real, Y/N. You need to separate work and your personal feelings. If you want Lei and Riko to be together, they will in the end. Just not in this scene. Get yourself together and wrap this scene up so we can all go home,” he reaches up, ruffling your hair like you’re a little kid on the set, and before you can even process what he did, he’s already walking away, hands shoved in his pockets heading straight to annoy Kun.

“Separate work and personal feelings, huh?” You muttered, staring at the water he gave you. His words echo in your mind, louder than the busy mumbles of the crew around you. Maybe what he said is true considering how you can’t bear to think that Lei, Sicheng’s character, and Riko, your character, will end their love escapade for a few episodes before rekindling again.

“Y/N, Sicheng, back on stage!” The director yelled, giving you a brief smile before instructing the cameraman. “Do your best.” 

You nod, tightening your grip on the water bottle before setting it aside. Your feet move automatically, carrying you toward the place you’ll be delivering your line in. As you’re heading to your place, you can feel Yangyang’s eyes on you. 

You looked in his direction and he already had his signature gummy smile plastered on his face, “Do your best,” he mimicked the director’s voice, making you giggle.

It was a week after the first shooting for Eternal Sunshine that the director called you in her office for an emergency revision for the later episodes. 

You were wearing your favorite faded jeans with a long sleeve and a coffee on your hand. At first, you thought it was just gonna be you and the director but a sleepy Yangyang came into her office like it’s his second home.

“Greetings, Yangyang!” The director annoyingly scolded him, throwing a pillow at him when he immediately latched himself onto the sofa. 

“Hello, noona. Hello, Y/N.” 

“I’m very sorry about him, Ms. Y/N,” his manager, Huang Renjun, apologized on behalf of the second male lead. “He just came from an overnight shooting with Mr. Qian Kun. The two of them had to shoot their scenes more than once because the rookie actor kept messing up and they didn’t want to be assholes on set.” 

“Hey! What about an apology for me?” The director playfully demanded even though she had known the reason for Yangyang’s behavior beforehand. The director was like family for Yangyang and Renjun. This isn’t the first project they did together hence they’re comfortable with each other.

“As he said, Kun-ge,” Yangyang mentioned the golden boy and the three immediately saw the flabbergasted reaction of the director. “Kun-ge, Kun-ge, Kun-ge, Kun-” Yangyang teased, his smile grew wider as the director’s face became more embarrassed before having enough of his ministries. 

“Enough, second lead!” The director sassed, “I called you here today because there’s a change in the storyline we’re going to record for tomorrow,” she started as her assistant gave you and Yangyang the copy of the revised script and concept for the shoot. 

As you skimmed the pages, you realized that you and Yangyang’s character will be in close proximity, fully giving justice to his second male lead role. “As you can see, Riko and Jun will be closer to each other after Lei’s and Riko’s fall out. Of course, this will be brief as the latter couple will get back together,” she explained. “I just want the both of you to prepare yourselves. I know that the both of you have the least interaction throughout this series but you need to prepare… like, prepare,” she emphasized before adjourning the meeting, leaving you dazed. 

“After reading this script, I think Riko will fall harder for Jun than Lei,” you joked, already feeling the pressure as you saw a scene where you and Yangyang had to kiss. 

“Will you?” Yangyang asked, his tone was interrogating. 

You tilted your head, confused with what he meant, “Will I what, sunbaenim?”

But he just shrugged, telling you to prepare for tomorrow before leaving the office.

The ride on the way home was unusually quiet. 

“What do you think of him?” Your manager, Chenle, asked you.

“Of who?”

“Of Yangyang.”

You tried to think about what to say for a moment, “Well, he’s nice to me.” 

“That’s it?” Chenle glanced at you through the rearview mirror, one brow arched. “Nice? He’s Yangyang, Y/N. Everyone I heard who worked with him can’t get him out of their heads after.”

You rolled your eyes, leaning your head against the window. “He’s good at what he does. Professional. Maybe those people can’t separate work from their personal lives or whatever.”

“Professional, huh?” You can hear the smirk from Chenle’s tone.

“Just stop overthinking things, Chenle,” You sighed, dumping all of your body weight on the car seat. “Tomorrow’s gonna be a long day with him so you better not make any weird comments like whatever this conversation is.” “There’s nothing weird with the conversation we’re having, Y/N.” Chenle retorted, “I’m just hoping you could come to your senses tomorrow and do your best as an actress. You still have a lot to prove in the industry.”

“I know that.”

It’s tiring, honestly. For you, it’s a never ending quest of ‘proving’ yourself to the industry, general public, and your own family. It’s sad to think about how as a child, everyone was looking forward to your acting debut but once you did, all the nepotism news bombarded your career hence, you’re now known as the ‘nepo’ baby. 

You used to think of it as a positive thing, you never forgot to thank your parents in every interview for this opportunity as an actress because you know, since as a kid, that this is the path meant for you. It’s like you’re honoring them every chance you have but the public deemed it as ‘rubbing your nepotism face’ every chance you get. 

In the end, this whole issue got out of hand and you don’t mention your parents as much as you used to, even coming as close to declining films where they are starring in or in affiliation with in fear of the nepotism thing getting even bigger. 

The next day on set had this heavy atmosphere not usually there when it’s you and Sicheng filming. You think it’s probably with the revised script that got everyone on their edge because the crew were everywhere, ensuring all of the props and sets are nice and perfect for your shoot. 

It was also during this time that you realized the scene you’re about to do. 

It’s the middle part of Riko and Jun’s relationship where they kiss because they realized they love each other, only for a short period of time, and it ought to feel magical or else people would believe that Riko’s still in love with Lei and is using Jun but in the script, Riko’s in love with Jun, even if it’s just for a brief period. 

The director deemed it easier for the both of you to finish the hard scenes first before the others so as to ensure smooth filming in the later days of the schedule, considering that Yangyang and other actors in this series also has other schedules. 

“Relax,” Yangyang’s voice broke through your thoughts as you couldn’t shake your nerves.

First day with Yangyang as your character’s lover and you’re already about to kiss. What’s there to not be nervous about? 

He was leaning against the makeup station, dressed amazingly by his stylist. You think of his presence as effortless but right now, there’s a glint of something in his eyes–quiet yet intense. 

“I’m trying, sunbae,” you replied, turning to face him.

He stepped closer to where you are, lowering his voice so only you could hear. “You’re overthinking it, Y/N. It’s just a scene. We’re professionals, remember?” 

You nodded, but your hands were still trembling slightly. Yangyang saw your state and sighed. “Nepo babies,” he teased as he shook his head before giving you again a bottle of water. “Take a sip, madam. It will make you feel better.”

“I’m sorry for feeling nervous, sunbae.” You apologized as you took a sip from the water he gave you. “It’s just that… it’s my first kissing scene ever and I’m not familiar with the grounds for kissing in a scene.” you admitted. 

Yangyang’s smile was wide and charming as he listened to your confession, “Don’t worry, sunbae will guide you.”

It was show time and the director called you and Yangyang in for a brief summary again. 

“Look,” Yangyang said to catch your attention, “Think of this scene as an important moment for Jun and Riko. They came from heartbreaks and found comfort from each other,” he gave you an advice, “It’s like their enlightenment scene where they kiss and suddenly, all is well.”

You stared at him, trying to gauge what he had just said. “I’ll do my best,” you said shyly, offering him a small smile before walking to the center.

“I know you will,” Yangyang replied, his gummy smile returning. 

“Okay, lovebirds for a glimpse,” the director called. Lovebirds for a glimpse is you and Yangyang’s new nickname on set because of this RikoJun scene you’re doing. “Kiss your way!” was all she said before giving the both of you the cue. 

As the scene began, you convinced yourself that this isn’t about you. This is about Riko finding love again after what happened with Lei. This is her first kiss with someone who comforted her. And with that, you found yourself more at ease. 

Yangyang’s character approached yours, his eyes showed vulnerability and it almost felt too real when his orbs directly looked into yours. The lines flowing out of his mouth smoothly, as if he meant them. 

And when the moment came, when Jun leaned in and Riko didn’t pull away, it was like the rest of the world disappeared. 

The kiss was soft, hesitant, and lingering–exactly as it was supposed to be. Yangyang held your head with such gentleness while your hands found their way to his back, trying to get him closer to your body. 

You know it’s just pretend kissing but part of you wished it was real with the way Yangyang was holding you and your proximity, his warmth made you feel small in a way that is not condescending. He made you feel safe. 

When the two of you break the kiss, your eyes meet again. This time, you definitely went out of character as you looked at him deeply, fully portraying Riko’s yearning for him. Her ‘I found you’ moment. 

“Cut!” The director yelled ecstatically. “That was such a good scene!” 

You thanked the director while your mind was still in a daze as Yangyang gave you a small, reassuring nod–as if saying that you did well. You couldn’t help but give the actor a smile in return. 

As the crew buzzed around you again, you caught Chenle’s gaze from the sidelines. He raised a brow, smirking at your direction as if he knew something you didn’t. 

And maybe, he did. 

The rest of the day passed in a blur. Between the countless takes, script changes, and the director’s endless feedback, you barely had time to process anything. Except when Yangyang was in the same room as yours. You admire how his presence seems to fill every corner, tugging at your attention no matter how hard you try to focus on anything else. 

By the time you wrapped up for the day, your body ached from exhaustion, and all you wanted was to crawl into bed. At this time, you thoroughly expected a grumpy Chenle waiting for you in your dressing room but you were taken aback with what you got instead.

It was Yangyang, leaning against the wall near your dressing room, scrolling through his phone like he’s your boyfriend waiting for you to finish your shoot… you mean, what?

You hesitated to greet him but he looked up at you before you could even decide.

“Y/N,” he greeted, “Chenle’s out with Renjun. Figured I’ll wait for you instead, considering how late it is now.”

“Oh,” you mentally cursed your manager, your inner monologues filled with ‘How dare he’ and ‘How could he’. “It’s fine, sunbae. I can manage on my own.” 

Yangyang slipped his phone into his pocket, standing up straight in the process. “No, nepo baby. You’re gonna be with me until you enter the backdoor of your apartment.” 

You’re too tired to decline a persistent Yangyang that you just nodded before heading to the parking lot. “Long day,” you sighed, leaning into the car seat of Renjun’s van. 

“Tell me about it,” he responded as he started driving. 

You glanced at him, surprised, “I almost forgot! Aren’t you supposed to be staying for the night shoot?”

“Nah, Kun’s taking over because of changes again. Figured the director would have also preferred it that way,” he laughed as his hands smoothly maneuvered the steering wheel. 

You giggled at his response, “Sounds about right.” 

The two of you drove in an awkward silence for a while, the cold air conditioning of the van touches your body, making you shiver. 

“So,” he said eventually, looking at you for a brief period in his rearview mirror. “How’d it feel? The scene, I mean.”

You bit your lip, avoiding his brief glances at your place. “I don’t know,” you started, “It felt different… I don’t think I can find the right words to describe it right now, really.” 

You try to brush off his question with a laugh but you know deep inside your heart that you couldn’t just tell him you wished that the kiss was real. That you wish there was something more and that his glances at you earlier meant something. 

“But your advice did help a lot!” You tried changing the topic which you think was effective after he gave you a smug chuckle in return. 

“Told you.”

There was something easy about talking to him like this, away from the cameras and the crew and everything.

While driving, Yangyang made sure to take all the precautions he needed so as to not get caught with you in his manager’s van. Sure, he’s being friendly and acting like a dependable sunbae to you but he can’t afford being caught in a scandal, not with you. 

When you reached your destination, he made sure to contact the security to ensure no one was there before letting you go. 

“Thanks for earlier, sunbae! I don’t think I would’ve gotten through it without your reassurance.” 

He tilted his head, studying you for a moment before giving you a soft smile. “You would’ve been fine, with or without my advice. Give yourself some credit.” 

You stood frozen in the middle of your apartment’s parking lot at the sudden compliment. “Anyway, Y/N, get some good rest as tomorrow will be just as crazy as today.” 

“Yeah,” you nodded, “You too, sunbae, you too.”

By the time you reached your unit, you were surprised to see Chenle’s outdoor shoes in the entryway. 

“Yangyang said you’re out with Renjun,” your face turned sour at the sight of Chenle chilling on your sofa. “What a bad manager you are!”

“Yeah, yeah whatever. I left the restaurant earlier than Renjun.”

You didn’t mind what he said and went directly to your room to change. When you come back to your living room, he’s still in the same spot you left him a while ago. 

“What do you think of him now?” He asked again. This time, you already know who he was referring to. 

“He’s still fine and I still don’t understand why you’re doing this,” you rolled your eyes, joining him at your sofa. 

“He looks at you like you’re the lead of more than just the show, Y/N,” Chenle said slyly. 

“You’re overthinking things again, Chenle. Yangyang-sunbae is nice. I think we just have a good hoobae-sunbae relationship that’s why you’re acting like that,” you defended the actor. 

“I hope you’re right,” was all he said before placing all of his attention back to the television. 

At this point, you hope you’re right. 

It’s been a week since you spent time with Yangyang, filming the scenes for RikoJun and today, you guys are wrapping it all up–they’re gonna end their relationship and Lei will come back into the picture. 

“Missed me, Y/N?” Sicheng teased you. 

It’s also been a week since you last saw Sicheng, considering how busy he had gotten with his modelling gigs and sneaking out the pop star every night to his condominium. 

“You wish,” you retorted. 

“I heard you and Yangyang have a great chemistry,” he said again, his arms crossed to his chest.

“I like to think we do, too!” You gleefully replied, “His advice helped me a lot, especially during the heavy scenes we have together.”

Sicheng looked at you, “Mhm. I hope we still have that spark together after your time with him.”

Everyone on set was perplexed as to why Yangyang’s watching your scenes with Sicheng now, considering how he doesn’t have any upcoming shoots with you or with other actors of the drama today.

“Yang? Why are you here?” The director asked, completely puzzled to see the young man on set.

“Just wanna watch some of my colleagues, noona,” he showed off his gummy smile before proceeding to sit at the chair where the intern is supposed to sit. 

“Back off, Liu. The intern’s assigned there,” Hendery hissed, giving Yangyang a side eye before watching the younger one go away from the seat.

“Chill, Wong.” 

But Hendery didn’t give him any more attention, walking back to his van again to wait for the director’s orders. 

“Woah! What a tense situation you got there, Yang!” The director saw what happened, grinning ear to ear at Yangyang. 

“Shut up, noona. Why you gotta hire that man, anyways?”

“Well, he’s a good actor and he’s not rude to me,” 

“Whatever,” was all he said before looking for another seat to conquer.

After your shoot, you saw Yangyang outside your van, leaning against it while busying himself with his cellphone.

“Sunbae?” 

“Oh, Y/N. Already finished?” He asked, his eyes filled with joy as soon as he saw you in front of him. 

“Yeah. Why are you here, sunbae?” 

“N-nothing, Y/N. Have a great day.” 

You found it weird that Yangyang’s in front of your van yet left when you arrived but you didn’t divulge deep into the thought as your manager’s already waiting for you inside. 

“He was waiting for you,” Chenle told you the moment you sat on the leathered seat. “I thought he’s going to ask you out or something.”

“Please stop, Chenle. I know you like joking about stuff like that but he’s just a nice sunbae, that’s all!” 

“Drop the act, Y/N. I know you like him.”

This time, he’s right.

It started with the kiss scenes then the lovey-dovey shootings then came the drive-you-home extravaganza. Everything about Yangyang screams boyfriend for you. When he’d smile at you like you’re his most favorite thing in his world or when you’d be the only one he’d give techniques and advice on set, you knew what Chenle said about the man is right. 

At first, you were in-denial about it. Thinking that maybe you’re thinking this way about Yangyang because you can’t get your shit together and that you’re acting unprofessional. But, you know yourself. All this time, you are professional and diligent but his acts towards you aren't. 

Now, you’re here watching his character meet up with a new character the director added on a whim, saying something along the lines of ‘I’m sad Yangyang’s character didn’t have a partner.’

“Cut!” The director shouted, “That was a good run! Thank you, everyone!” 

The moment your eyes locked in with Yangyang, he immediately walked your way, not minding the new female character in his vicinity. 

“You were great out there,” you complimented. 

“Thanks,” he looked up before looking right into your eyes again, “But that’s just an act you know, what you saw earlier.”

“...I know?” You laughed. Of course, you know. You’re an actress for god’s sake!

“Just… saying,” he responded. “Anyways, are you free? Do you want to hangout with Sicheng and the rest?” 

You thought he’s about to ask you out on a date but Sicheng’s name flew out of his mouth and made your mood a bit down. 

“Sure, I’d love to,” you replied, opening your SMS app to message your manager about the said gathering.

You were about to sit beside Yangyang when the new actress beat you to it and told you to sit between Sicheng and Hendery. 

“It’s more fun if we sat beside our partners in the drama!” She suggested but you knew she just wanted to sit besides Yangyang. 

The table was tense, with the actress giving Yangyang a lot of food on his plate while you and the rest were quietly looking at the both of them. 

“I told Yangyang not to invite the newbie,” Hendery murmured. 

“Wouldn’t that be bad?” You asked, surprised he even talked to you. 

“So what? He could tell her I’m the one who suggested it.”

“That would be bad for you, then.”

“Everyone knows I’m bad. Much better for her to experience it sooner.’ 

You wanted to continue the conversation with Hendery more but he was clearly preoccupied with his ramen.

“That’s Hendery for you,” Sicheng smiled. “Here, get some of the beef I cooked.” 

“Thank you, Sicheng,” you thanked him as he put some cooked beef into your plate. 

From time to time, Yangyang kept on glancing at you while the new addition to the crew kept on pushing herself to the man. He was being uncomfortable because even though they rented a private section of this restaurant, rumors can still go and he can’t afford to have that. 

“He’s looking at you, Y/N,” Sicheng said, as if you hadn’t noticed it earlier. 

“I know, oppa. It feels weird.”

“Miss Y/N, you haven’t been touching your plate. Is everything alright?” Dejun asked rather loudly and everyone’s eyes on you now which made you feel small, especially when Yangyang’s gaze turned concerned. 

“Yes, Dejun-sunbae. I just feel full now,” you smiled at his direction which is a bit to the left whereas you were in the middle. 

“I’ll finish your food, Y/N. Give it to me,” Yangyang suddenly said, his right hand in your direction, waiting for you to give him your plate. 

“But–”

“Sicheng-ge, give me her plate,” you swear you could hear the newbie disagreeing with Yangyang but he didn’t mind.

Sicheng, being the biggest shipper of you and Yangyang, gladly followed the younger’s request. 

“Thank you, Yangyang-sunbae,” you said, eyes glinting with affection that everyone on the table didn’t miss. 

Of course, the both of you may not notice your deep fondness towards each other but everyone around you can feel it–they just don’t want to meddle with it. 

After everyone finished eating, you guys decided it would be better to part ways with each other and when the cast vanished into the busy streets of Seoul, you found yourself alone with Yangyang. 

“At last,” Yangyang jokingly said, nudging you playfully with his elbow while grinning from ear to ear. “At last, I can be with you alone!” 

Your heartbeat raced as you tried finding a reasonable response to him. “Don’t say that, sunbae!” 

“Why? Don’t you want to spend time with me?” 

“I like being with you, Yangyang-sunbae,” you responded, your tone was heartfelt but your execution was shy. 

Yangyang glanced at you for a while before forcing you to look back up at him, his fingers found your chin, racing it up so you could meet eye to eye. “I’ve been meaning to tell you this, Y/N.” 

“Mhm?” 

“You can stop calling me sunbae, you know,” he continued, “Just call me Yangyang, like everyone does.”

“But I don’t like calling you the way they do,” you argued, your lips forming a firm line. 

He just laughed at your stubbornness before ruffling your hair. 

“Okay, nepo baby. Just call me whatever you want,” he smiles at you genuinely, never getting tired of your little habits. 

“Okay, my dearest sunbae,” he laughs again this time but you truly meant what you had said. 

Sure, you might have other sunbae than him that you look up to and respect the most but none of them is Yangyang. None of them can make you feel the way he makes you feel. To you, he’s irreplaceable. 

Yangyang’s presence is a constant in your day as an actress. He’s always there, watching your scenes and cheering you on every chance he gets. He would also lean over your script, pointing out notes with an exaggerated seriousness that makes you not pay attention to him.

“You know, I could just ask the director,” you say, snatching the paper back.

“But I’m more fun,” he whines, leaning back with a pout. 

Then there are the quieter moments, like when you’re both reviewing scenes on his tablet, shoulder’s brushing as you sit close enough to share the screen. Or the way his hands would instinctively hand you a water bottle before you could even realize you’re thirsty. 

Or when he would always stay up late at night, waiting for you to wrap up your shoot before bidding you goodbye, watching you go inside your van before minding his own way home.

“Sunbae, you don’t have to wait for me everytime,” you say one evening as he lingers beside the director’s chair, watching you finish your last take for the day.

“And miss seeing you trip over your lines when you’re tired? No thanks,” he teased, flashing you a mischievous grin. 

You rolled your eyes at him, tossing a tissue towards his direction which he dodges with a dramatic flair. 

Moments like this have become the norm, not just to you but to everyone else. 

Everyone on set notices it. The way Yangyang’s eyes soften when he talks to you, the way your laughter is always louder in his presence. It’s in how he seems to move with you, like gravity itself pulls him into your orbit. 

“They’re so obvious,” the director complains jokingly. 

“Would you say anything, though?” Kun asked with a hushed tone, glancing at you both from across the room.

“Hell no.” 

To the crew, it’s an open secret that no one dares to talk about. To you and Yangyang, it’s just the way things are. 

And Chenle’s really worried for you.

You’re sitting in the dressing room, scrolling mindlessly on your phone while Chenle organizes your schedule for the following months. The buzzing voices and footsteps of the crew fades as you stand up for a while to close the door, creating a rare moment of peace and solitude in your otherwise hectic day, before sitting comfortably again. 

Chenle sets his laptop down on the table with a deliberate thud, breaking the comforting silence.

“We need to talk, Y/N,” he says, his tone filled with urgency.

You glance up, already sensing the shift in his usual sunny demeanor. “What is it this time?” You asked, trying to lift his mood up but it seems like your manager has no time for jokes or any of your ministrations. 

“It’s about Yangyang.”

You look at him puzzled, “What about him?” 

Chenle crossed his arms, his expression was stern. “Whatever’s going on between you two, it’s too much. Everyone on set sees it.” 

“So what if they do? People talk all the time,”you counter, feigning nonchalance, though your heartbeat races and you feel a knot tightening in your stomach. 

“This is serious, Y/N,” his tone now direct, “This isn’t just about people talking. You’re putting your reputation and his career at risk!” 

You roll your eyes at what he had said, leaning back in your chair. “Chenle, it’s not that serious. Even if something happens, my parents can fix it. They’ve done it before. Don’t worry.” 

“See? That’s exactly the problem Y/N,” he snaps, “You’re so used to your parents cleaning up after you that you don’t even see how dangerous this is for him,” you could tell his frustration is boiling over but you don’t seem to understand why he’s angry. “Sure, you can tell everyone how you’re so much more of your name or your parents. You can decline any movies or series with their name, but that action of yours. This action of yours is why people still think you’re a nepo baby.” 

Your eyebrows furrow, feeling confused. “I’m not doing anything wrong, Chenle. I’m sure Yangyang knows how to handle himself.”

“Does he?” Chenle laughs at your naivety. “Do you have any idea how hard he’s worked to get here? He doesn’t have the privilege of a safety net like you, Y/N,” he pauses for a moment, trying to catch his breath. “One scandal, one rumor, and everything he’s built is gone.”

You’re quiet for a moment. The weight of his words made you understand where he’s coming from but your response only deepened the rift. “Okay, fine. If it comes to that, I’ll handle it. My parents will definitely make sure nothing happens to him either. I’m sure of it.” 

Chenle was cynical after hearing what you have just said. “You don’t get it, do you? This isn’t about who your parents can pay off. It’s about respect. Respect for his work, his sacrifices, his entire life!” 

Outside the door, Yangyang stands frozen, his hand stuck on the knob. He hadn’t meant to eavesdrop on you and Chenle’s conversation, he just wanted to hang out with you today but instead, he got to hear your careless and out of touch words, making his chest tighten. 

He hears Chenle’s voice lower, ultimately giving off the vibes that he’s intensely irritated at what you have said. “You’re so caught up in thinking everything will be fine because it always is for you. But for him? It’s not. And if you really care about him, you’d stop pretending this isn’t a big deal. Stop whatever is going on with you two, Y/N.” 

Yangyang doesn’t want to hear anymore of what you guys are talking about. His stomach churns as he walks away, Chenle’s words and your indifference playing over and over in his head.

The ride home was quiet but not the quiet you wanted to have with Chenle. You genuinely can’t understand why he’s so exasperated with you when you’re just telling the truth. You can’t seem to find the problem with your parents paying off tabloids and threatening news agencies to keep the rumors about you and Yangyang out of the public eye.

And maybe, just maybe, the reason why you can’t find the problem with what you have said is because you’d never truly had to worry about the consequences of your actions. For you, it was simple: if things went wrong, you had the means to make it right.

“Chenle,” you finally broke the silence, your voice softer now. “I didn’t mean to upset you earlier. I thought I was being practical, you know? Looking out for everyone… I don’t know. Maybe I’ve missed something.” 

Chenle’s hand tightened around the steering wheel of the van and you could see the tension in his shoulders. “It’s not just about you, Y/N,” he said, “It’s about Yangyang too. You have no idea how much risk he had put out on himself just so you could be close with him the way you are with him now. How he’d probably be in his bed every night, thinking when or where news would break out about you two but still continue to act like your lover day by day. You have no idea how much he’s risked for you and here you are, thinking everything can be handled with a few phone calls from your parents.” 

His words stung more now, the sharpness of them cutting through your confusion. You tried to open your mouth to speak but nothing came out. This time, you knew Chenle was right. You have no idea. 

“Do you really think this is just a game for him, Y/N?” Chenle continued, “I know, it’s partly my fault for letting him drive you home that night and for not giving you a heads up but I didn’t think it could go deeper. I didn’t think it could end up like this.”

“It’s not your fault, Chenle. I just… I just didn’t think of it like that,” you murmured, your voice almost too quiet for him to hear. “I just thought that… that it’s the way things work for me. I didn’t realize our situation could put him in a worse situation than me.” 

Chenle’s expression softened at your confession, “I know you didn’t. But that’s why I need you to start seeing it from his side. From his perspective. This isn’t about what you can fix or what you think you can get away with.”

Betrayed is an understatement of how Yangyang feels right now. Hearing Chenle’s frustration and your clueless words earlier made his heart twist uncomfortably. Just when he thought everything was okay. Just when he thought it was okay to let his guard down for you. You just had to let him feel different from you. 

“What are you going to do, Yang?” Renjun asked, sighing as he saw his talent leaning against the window of his car. He had heard about you and your manager’s dispute from Yangyang. The young man was already on the verge of crying when Renjun calmed him down, even just for a moment.

“I knew we shouldn’t have gone that far into whatever we had, ge.” 

“I’m sure Y/N had her reasons as to why she said those things, Yang,” Renjun tried to save you from Yangyang but he knew it’s no use. 

Knowing Yangyang, Renjun’s too sure that the boy will completely distance himself from you, considering how he just realized how dangerous it is for him to fall for someone like you. 

“No, ge. This has to stop. Whatever this is. Chenle’s right. Even if I hadn’t heard her talking with her manager, I can’t let things go that far, ge. I have a career to uphold,” Yangyang sighed, “What would the public think if they learned about us? It’s so scary.”

“You’re overthinking again. Try to talk things with her tomorrow, maybe it’ll clear your mind.”

Tomorrow came and Yangyang dreaded it the most. You, on the other hand, are oblivious to the fact that your potential significant other potentially heard your conflict with Chenle last night. 

“Yang-sunbae!” You greeted, still clueless. 

With you greeting him with a huge smile that could cure the world, Yangyang wished he hadn’t heard what you had said yesterday. Yangyang wished this could go on. Yangyang wished you guys were just ordinary people. 

“I heard your conversation with Chenle,” he wasted no time. Yangyang spoke to you with the coldest tone he could muster but his insides were shaking. 

“Hm?” You were confused. 

What conversation with Chenle? You thought. 

Oh. You realized. 

Oh.

“Must be nice for you, huh? To not be worried about your career because your parents can clean your mess up,” his words cut you like a knife. He swore to himself to become calm once you met him but Yangyang felt overwhelmed. 

“What are you-” you couldn’t even continue what you were about to say because he interrupted you again, his disappointment in you evident in his eyes.

“I like you, Y/N.”

Those were the words you hoped Yangyang would one day say to you but his tone wasn’t the way to put it. You felt no butterflies in your stomach because you know this is not the confession where the both of you would end up together. More like a confession where you’d end up alone. 

“I like you too, Yangyang-sunbae,” you try. You hoped that he would calm down. That this revelation of feelings would soothe him and make him realize that everything is okay. That he’d realize you’re ready to risk everything for him.

But deep down, you know you’re just a fool for even confessing. 

Yangyang shook his head, “I like you, Y/N,” he repeated, “But we should stop. Your manager is right. What we have right now shouldn’t continue. We’re not allowed to be like this,” his voice cracks at the end of his sentence. 

A confession and a closure at the same dialogue? Yangyang is the only one who could do that.

“Yang…” but he didn’t respond. You look at his figure walking out of the set. 

You cried at where he had left you. You look like a fool there, with the director coming at your direction, completely confused as to why Yangyang left so suddenly and why you were left there, sobbing. 

“No amount of public hate could make me hurt the way his words did,” you cry at the director’s shoulder. You were almost shaking. 

It was your first ever rejection you have received your whole life. Sure, some individuals do not accept you in this field but his rejection of you was personal. 

“Why’d you do that to her?” Yangyang found it surprising that Hendery was the one to ask him why. Out of all the people in the set, this young and rude man was the first one to ask him why. 

“She can’t understand me or my situation. She can never understand it,” Yangyang just replied as he brought the cigarette to his lips, inhaling deeply as smoke curled up in the air. 

“You should have known that from the start, considering she’s a product of nepotism,” Hendery replied. Him, too, lighting up his own cig. 

“She’s more than what the public thinks of her,” Yangyang argued, “But, I think I have overestimated her.” 

Yangyang didn’t mean to leave you crying, he felt hurt himself. When he saw you earlier, memories of yesterday flooded his mind, overwhelming him and causing him to say whatever came to mind in that moment.

He was terrified that he would become nothing once the news about you two broke. The thought of a dating scandal uprooting all the sacrifices he had made for his career filled him with dread. In truth, he was afraid of you.

From the first time he saw you at the read-throughs, he sensed something about you could destroy him. Still, he tried until all that remained was the painful realization that you couldn’t be with him.

Hendery didn’t respond to Yangyang anymore. Instead, he just stood there while Yangyang found himself sitting with his truth in silence, grappling with the weight of his emotions. It was just him, Hendery, and the unspoken fears that lingered between you two, a reminder of what could never be.

“I know this is bad timing but the editing team accidentally deleted a kissing scene from Riko and Jun and now–” the director was frantic, almost worried for you and Yangyang but Kun calmed her down.

“Breathe,” he said, patting the back of the director to soothe her.

“Thank you,” she smiled before continuing, “I need the two of you to get your act together and film this one, just one, scene again.”

Yangyang didn’t reply, as if he’s distracted with something. You, on the other hand, gave the director a small nod. 

It was the day after the confession-closure thing and you kinda accepted to yourself that while he has become wary with you, you’re still willing to accept him. Even if it takes a lifetime. 

“Good morning, sunbae!” You gave him your best, energetic smile but he just gave you a nod. 

“At least, he acknowledged you,” Sicheng’s makeup artist felt bad for you so she tried to cheer you up. 

“Okay, Y/N and Yangyang! Give us your best shot!” The director calls, you breathe deeply before looking straight into Yangyang’s, you mean, Jun’s eyes. 

Be professional, Y/N! You scold yourself.

Yangyang immediately dives into the kissing scene, leaving you no room to mentally prepare for it. 

The kiss was fierce and desperate. You feel as if you’re trying to consume each other, pouring all your unspoken words and pent-up feelings into this single moment.

Your hands find their way to his hair, pulling him closer as if afraid he might disappear. He responds by deepening the kiss, his hands gripping your waist tightly, grounding you both in this whirlwind of passion.

It’s as if you guys weren’t Riko and Jun. The pretend kiss was extremely intense, everyone on set felt that it was genuine than it was supposed to be. But the director liked it. 

“Cut!” The director shouted and Yangyang was quick enough to detach himself from you. “That was a good one-take!”

You weren’t able to respond because Yangyang was already leading you to a secluded place.

“Hey! Wait!” You try to make him stop, “The director’s not finished talking, sunbae.”

Once he deems it’s safe enough, he looks at you before sighing deeply. He leans into you, kissing you for real this time. 

Yangyang doesn’t know if this is your first kiss but you don’t care at all. You close your eyes, feeling the moment. 

“I’m sorry, Y/N,” he says, breathless.

“I should be the one apologizing, sunbae.”

Yangyang inhales, looking straight into your eyes, “It’s just… it’s just I’m afraid to disappoint them, Y/N. My fans. The public. I don’t like the way they’d paint me if we’re revealed.” 

“It’s okay, really. At least, you told me now,” you give him a half smile. 

In that instant, you realize how much you’re willing to risk for him. You were so easy to forgive him that you’d already forgotten what he had made you feel yesterday. But there’s this thought that has been eating you since then… that Yangyang’s not ready to risk what you’re ready to give him. 

“Look,” you were determined to make this right. “I know it’s complicated but–” 

He shakes his head harshly, cutting you off. “No, Y/N. You don’t understand this ‘complicated’ you’re talking about. I like you, Y/N. I genuinely, deeply fell for you but I can’t afford to risk my career or put you in danger of being even more hated by the general public.” 

“Yangyang-sunbae,” your voice was trembling but you still gave him a forced smile, “We can still be friends, you know?” You don’t want to be friends with him but if that’s the only way to keep him around, you’re willing. 

“No, Y/N. We can’t be friends.” 

“Why not?” You plead, desperate for him to explain whatever he has on his mind because he’s been puzzling you since earlier. 

“Because I like you more than friends do,” he admits, his voice betraying him again. 

The confession sends a rush of emotions through you, “So what does this mean for us?”

“It means…” He hesitates again, his brow furrowing, knowing that whatever comes out of his mouth next will change his relationship with you. “It means I have to lose you to protect you.”

The words hit you like a punch to the face. You want to scream that it’s not fair, that love shouldn’t come with conditions or sacrifices, but only a shaky breath left your lips.

“Yangyang-sunbae,” you say softly, stepping closer again despite the chasm between your desires and his fears. “I don’t want to lose you.”

He looks at you then, really looks at you, and for a fleeting moment, it feels like time stands still. In those gaze of his lies everything unspoken: the love that burns fiercely but is overpowered by his fear.

“I wish things were different,” he murmurs, his voice thick with emotion.

You reach out, fingers brushing against his hand, wishing for him to reconsider. But deep down, you know he’s already made up his mind.

“It’s premiere day!” The director gleamed. 

“Sicheng, you ready?” You ask your lead partner.

“Ask yourself first if you’re ready,” he replied. And he’s right about it, considering how this is the first time you’re going to see Yangyang again after your closure. 

The venue was filled with energy, cameras flashing from left to right, fans cheering for every cast member, and the buzz of excitement filling every corner of the room. You take a deep breath before diving in with Sicheng at the stage, reminding yourself of the work you had put into this series. 

The lights were blinding you and Sicheng and you can’t even hear the cheers of your fans with your heart thumping incredibly loud and fast. As you pose for photos, your eyes can’t help but wander to Yangyang. And when you did? Your heart almost dropped.

Yangyang looked dapper in his suit, standing with his partner in the drama as well as the other cast members. He catches your gaze for a second before continuing to smile at the cameras pointed at him. You can’t help but feel a pang in your chest. 

You mean, what’s the point of looking that good if there’s a distance between the both of you?

After the dashing and successful premiere of Eternal Sunshine, you find yourself at the after-party where only the crew and the cast were invited. 

The atmosphere was celebratory, filled with laughter and clinking of glasses. Heck, you even heard someone say that this drama is going to be a hit and that you deeply hope. But your mind wanders to Yangyang, sitting at the side with Hendery, exchanging small talks with the man every once in a while. 

You don’t know what came to you at that exact moment but you can’t help yourself. Your feet found its way towards an unsuspecting Yangyang. 

You first greeted Hendery, who even though feels the atmosphere didn’t need his presence there, didn’t give a single care and continued to eat. 

“Y/N,” Yangyang greeted you first.

“Hey,” you smile softly at him before leaning to his level, whispering, “I just want you to know that I’ll wait for your love, Yang.” 

It was the first time Yangyang had heard you call him without honorifics, making him flustered and shocked. He was about to respond to you but you shushed him, walking towards the area where the director is to talk with her. 

You know that there’s no need for further explanation because deep down inside, you're resolute: you’ll absolutely wait for his love. You like this man deeply, more than words can explain, and no matter how long it takes you're willing to endure it all for him.

it’s been two weeks since that interaction you’ve had with the industry’s most sought after actor. you’ve heard all the good things about sicheng. how he’s shy in real life and he’s cool on camera. but you believed that that simply can’t be true. 

but you also believed he’s hot and now you’re here, composing a song while thinking about that small interaction with him. you don’t know where this song would go or if this would even be published, but one thing’s for sure: no one would even know that this song is for him. 

“then i had this interaction i’ve been thinking about for like five weeks,” your manager read your lyrics, cringing at them after. “what the hell is this, y/n?”

“what? a girl can’t love or something?” you sighed, putting your ballpen down and waiting for another comment about the song you’re writing. “it’s about the guy.”

“yeah! i know it’s about the guy. and i’m pretty sure that you know that if you get tangled with him, the scandal is going to be big, right?” your manager sighed. you can tell that just by thinking about how much paperworks and apology letters you guys are gonna write, if ever, if ever you and sicheng ‘would’ have some romantic escapade, your manager’s hair would wither and he’d definitely not appreciate that.

“it’s just a song! and i don’t stand a chance with that big star. he’s probably dating an a-lister actress or something,” you replied. “like probably… he’s dating that lead actress of eternal sunshine! the nepo baby! y’know… their chemistry’s unmatched,” 

“ooh, yeah! i’m actually excited to watch that series because i’ve seen the interviews! oh my god they look so good together,” this time, your manager sat beside you, gushing about how sicheng and his lead partner look good together and how much he thinks that eternal sunshine would be a hit. 

“now you’re making me sad,” you pouted, the thought of not having a chance with a big shot actor hurts you more than not winning song of the year against iu. “i even made the title track of their series based off of the story and some real life happenings in the set,” you grinned, ready to tell your manager the tea you got off of the set of eternal sunshine back when you were invited by the director.

you weren’t able to see sicheng before because he had other gigs, but the rest of the cast were there, filming the other scenes that didn’t require the actor. 

“you know, oppa, i mean… who am i kidding? everyone knows qian kun, right?” you started to over exaggerate, “apparently, he likes the director! and everyone in the set knows it… and the director’s kinda shy about it.”

“honestly? if the golden boy qian kun likes me? i’ll marry him immediately.” 

“if it were you. but the director feels a bit insecure because kun’s perfect and all. but i do believe they look good together!” 

“and how did you get this information?”

“liu yangyang. eternal sunshine’s second male lead, the one who’s gonna get dumped in the end,” you stopped the sentence but your manager knew you’re about to dump the biggest, scandalous tea about the man, “but in real life, i heard he dumped dong sicheng’s lead partner.” 

“if i’m being honest? sicheng and that nepo baby’s chemistry is better than yangyang’s and her. but i do see some reason why they would hit off.” 

“no, oppa. you don’t get it, do you?” you sighed, “yangyang worked his ass off in this industry, the nepo baby got it because of her parents! sure, she acts well… but y’know, their vision in life might be different… maybe that’s why they didn’t become a real couple,”

“how about hendery? is he really handsome in person?” your manager curiously asked, “i heard he’s a real asshole.”

“damn right, he is! that man didn’t even acknowledge me nor the staff! he just went straight to the student nurse who was interning during the film to get some paracetamols i’m pretty sure he doesn’t need,” 

“so, hendery’s hot and an asshole. got it,” 

“and dejun… we made eye contact but that’s really it! he’s so afraid of human touch. but he’s so handsome too. even more handsome than hendery and i can feel that he treats everyone nicely, he’s just afraid of being too close,”

“you got all these crazy juices just from one visit on the set and it was enough for you to write eternal sunshine. your talent scares me sometimes,” you can’t really tell if your manager was complimenting you or is weirded out by how well you remember the facts the staff have told you during your time inside the set as well as your own perceptions of every actor in it but you’d take it positively because you do agree that eternal sunshine has some interesting talents in it.

“oh! before i forget, you know that award-winning photojournalist, right? ten lee? apparently, he’s exes with sicheng’s makeup artist and his award-winning piece was a picture of her when they were still together! that’s the kind of part i got inspired to write eternal sunshine, as well as the storyline.”

“they’re not together now?” 

“yeah, but it’s so weird because you can feel the tension and i think it’d be even weirder now because they’re wrapping up the first season and ten has to get the interesting bits while the makeup artist has to make sure sicheng is the interesting bit.”

“i can tell that you enjoyed your time there, y/n. but you better not tell anyone these or they will be in deep trouble.”

“i know! i just had to let it out to you because i know you love those actor rumours and stuff,” you rolled your eyes to your manager, already used to him warning you about getting in trouble from time to time. 

when he left, you immediately continued composing your song about you and sicheng’s interaction, acting like it went to something even more special. 

“i hope i can see him again…” you took a deep breath, looking at the paper you’re writing on, wishing to see and talk to him again.

you heard whispers that sicheng would attend the music festival you were headlining in but you never really took it seriously, considering the busy schedules he probably have because of eternal sunshine. but deep down, you wished he would come and see you perform… maybe he’d talk to you again and maybe he’d be interested in you.

as the sun was setting over the vibrant landscape of the music festival, you stood at the stage, taking a deep breath before looking into the crowd. of course, you were admiring your fans who came all the way from different cities just to see you but you were also hoping to see him. and that, you did. 

you could swore it was the most romantic thing ever because he was also looking into your eyes and when your orbs met? you saw a glint of something behind his glance… or maybe it was just your contacts. 

the music started and you sang one of your greatest hits, everytime, pouring your heart and soul into performing because it’s a song that you can definitely relate to now. ‘i hope he remembers me,’ you thought while singing, hyping the audience up to sing with you.

“why, oh why does god keep bringing me back to you?” you sang looking directly at sicheng who’s also looking at you with something you can’t put into words. you couldn’t really tell what it is that you saw in his eyes when you were performing because he’s with his friends a bit farther on the stage but at least, you could see him.

after your performance, your manager quickly led you to your dressing room where your staff quickly went near you to take off some of the heavy makeup, replacing it with some blush and lip balm so you could comfortably watch and enjoy the festival. 

“y/n, change into this outfit,” one of the staff said, giving you an outfit that is extremely better than the ones you have right now. you just nodded in agreement before going to the comfort room where you changed. 

“feel comfortable now?” your manager asked, giving you a water bottle. “i saw sicheng watching you! he looks so into your performance earlier, y/n,” he added.

you could tell he was teasing you but you didn’t care. you performed your best out there because he was watching. 

“it was just eye contact, oppa,” 

before your manager could respond back to you, a familiar figure towered you from behind and judging his reaction, it was the person you least expect to be in your dressing room right now. 

“oh, sicheng! what brings you here?”

“can i talk to y/n?” his voice was humble, gentle, and comforting. you could melt then and there when you felt his breath from your back. 

your manager gave you a reassuring smile, patted your shoulder, before giving the room all to you and sicheng. 

‘this is it,’ you thought. the man you’ve been crushing over for at least a month now, behind you. now, you guys are alone in your dressing room but you can’t even try to look at him without feeling nervous. 

“hi, y/n,” he started. 

“sicheng! so glad to see you here! i almost thought you forgot about me,” you sheepishly blabbered. this time, you faced him. 

and you almost died. 

the man standing in front of you is the hottest human being ever and people around you would definitely agree if you told them that sicheng is not just a random actor. he is the actor. 

“you were great out there,” he smiled, “it’s one of my favorite songs of yours,”

“i’m glad you like it! i had fun writing it last year,” 

he leaned against the wall, looking relaxed yet attentive. “so, which one of your exes inspired you to write that?” he caught you off-guard with his teasing remark, reminding you of your first encounter with each other.

“what’s with you and my exes? are you interested in them?”

“i’m just curious how they fumbled someone like you,” he shot back with a charming smile.

“flattery won’t get you anywhere, sicheng,” you laughed and tried to shake off what he had just said. “some things just don’t work out, you know,”

sicheng just nodded to what you have just said, “try it with me?” 

this time, you scoffed, “you’re an actor, i’m a singer. that’s like… a recipe for disaster.”

“i’d be in any disaster as long as i’m with you, y/n,” he retorted, eyes staring deeply into your orbs as he waited for your response. 

“whatever, sicheng,” you rolled your eyes, smiling lightly before your manager entered your dressing room again. 

when your manager entered the room, you looked into sicheng’s direction, as if to signal that his time with you is over and he took that as a sign to give you a short farewell. 

“see you soon, y/n,” was all he said before vanishing into the endless hallways of the festival’s backstage. 

your manager’s looking at you with that stupid grin on his face, “so? what happened here and why do you look like you’ve seen a ghost? you got turned off or what?”

“woah there, buddy. calm down with those questions, will you?”

but he couldn’t really stop smiling from your interaction with sicheng again. afterall, these days you’ve been thinking about the actor nonstop. 

“he wanted me to try to play the game of love with him. to be in a relationship with him, i guess?” this time, your manager smiled even wider, waiting for you to continue. “stop looking at me like a creepy man,”

“you know what this means right, y/n?” he started, “to have one of the most popular actors talk to you after your performance,” 

“yeah dude, it means they want to get in my pants!” you replied annoyingly.

“or you could’ve maintained the innocent route and answered, ‘oh! it means he’s interested in me!’” your manager mocked your voice to prove a point with both of his index and middle finger doing the air quote-unquote symbol. 

“i know…” you whined, “but what if we won’t work out? what if we end up like those songs i wrote about heartbreaks?” 

but your manager could only give you a reassuring tap on your shoulder, “then write another song about it,”

your manager is actually right. 

at this point in time, you might write another song about a heartbreak. it’s been months now, since that dressing room interaction with sicheng and after it, you found yourself entangled with the actor. in every place you never thought about, actually! 

“still waiting for him?” the lead actress asked you. 

right, you’re in the filming site right now, waiting for sicheng because he told you to come to his apartment later. you decided it was better for the both of you to come at the same time so as to prevent suspicion from the public eye. afterall, your manager is already stressed when you inform him about the situation with sicheng now.

“yeah, i am. how’s the filming going?” you tried to make a short conversation with the lead actress. even though the public has said countless bad comments about her, she’s actually nice and easygoing. and easygoing in a sense that this girl has probably never seen a bad guy in her life! 

“sicheng’s been acting grumpy nowadays. i think it has to do with his dating rumour with karina,” she started, sitting beside you. “you know how those idol-actor rumour goes,”

you nodded. of course, you do know how those go considering you’ve had countless rumours with many men, some of them you didn’t know even existed. but sicheng’s is different because his company keeps on pushing him to do it, telling him it’s ‘good’ publicity. 

before you and the lead actress of eternal sunshine could continue your conversation, sicheng and yangyang came into the picture. the latter gave you a gummy smile whilst signalling the lead actress to follow him. you assumed they have made up and are now in a relationship but you could only assume, sicheng doesn’t tell you stuff. 

“let’s go,” sicheng gave you a half-smile before leading you to his van where yuta, his manager, has been waiting for the both of you.

“hello, yuta,” you greeted politely.

“hi, y/n. sorry if it took long for sicheng to wrap up tonight, it’s an important scene that the director wants to finish immediately,” 

“you don’t need to tell her that, hyung. y/n understands, right?” the actor looked into your direction, giving you his charming smile. 

you smiled back, giving him the satisfaction. 

you will definitely write a song about this.

it’s never ending, honestly. your nights with sicheng in his apartment. him cuddling you to sleep while helping you write lyrics then you begging him to spoil eternal sunshine just for the man to smirk at your pleading face before telling you to go to sleep.

it’s those nights that made you stay with what you guys have but on mornings, you would wake up alone in his bed, leaving you wondering where he might have gone. 

on the first night he had left you alone, you waited until lunch for him to come home but he never did. you only realized that he had come to another filming site when your manager called you, worrying where’d you went the night before. then it happened again and again, urging you to tell your manager what really is happening but you couldn’t give an answer because the two of you haven’t talked about what you guys have right now. 

“it’s been hard, oppa,” you started, sighing on the way home the next morning after your encounter with sicheng and yuta last night. “i can’t believe i’m letting him do this to me,”

“why don’t you ask him about your status? you just can’t keep on waking up alone in that bed if you guys have something going on,”

“i don’t want to pressure sicheng, especially now when things start to get stressful in his work,”

your manager sighed in disbelief, closing his eyes in disappointment to what you have just said. “you’re preparing for an album too, y/n. things are also stressful on your side,” 

“he’s an actor, he has more things to think about than what we are,” 

you try to convince yourself that everything is okay. his texts grew shorter, his calls less frequent. hell, he rarely invites you on set. but when he’s with you? it was like he was a different person. soft, attentive, and present. he would make you dinner and tell you you’re the prettiest thing on earth, only to be left behind the morning after. 

mornings with sicheng are nonexistent. it made you feel used, unloved, and sad. but asking him your label is more humiliating. you’re afraid of putting things into his mouth, afraid he might lose interest in you if you’ve ever asked him about the two of you. 

you’re afraid to be too much for him. 

but you’re only human and he’s pushing you to the edge now. you’ve been overwhelmed with your recording session earlier and sicheng has not replied to any of your messages, even after you finished recording–your phone still had no sign of him seeing your chats and replying to you. 

after the grueling session with your manager inside the recording studio, you immediately left him to go at sicheng’s apartment, even if there’s a risk of getting caught by paparazzis. you just can’t help it now, you’re getting suffocated and confused and hurt. you’re getting every feeling you are not supposed to feel when in love. 

you rang his doorbell for the nth time until a sleepy sicheng opened the door. 

“do you even care about this?” if you weren’t tired and mad, you would’ve melted at his appearance now but your voice was trembling and your legs were shaking as he left you inside his apartment. 

“what kind of question is that, y/n?” his voice was sleepy but his tone was defensive.

“the kind i have to ask because you never let me in,” now, your frustration is spilling over and your mind is not working right. “i’m always the one chasing you, sicheng! aren’t you tired of running from me? haven’t you thought about what i feel?” 

for a moment, you thought he might say something to ease the ache in your chest. instead, he sighed and turned his back on you. “this is who i am, y/n. you agreed to be linked with someone like me in the first place. if i’m not enough for you, maybe you should leave,” 

the first break up was messy (like the other ones that followed). you tried to convince yourself that it was a mutual one but your manager, and everyone around you, didn’t believe you. 

you remember the way back home, your manager picking you up crying at sicheng’s apartment parking lot. he bit his lip and ran his fingers through his hair before picking you up, telling you to shush and calm down but you never did. all you did that night was cry and ask your manager if you were not enough. 

when your mind was kind of cleared, you realized that maybe distancing yourself to sicheng is for the better. afterall, you both had your careers and responsibilities. maybe being with an actor is really a disaster. 

but the break up didn’t last like how you expected it to do. a few weeks later, he showed up to your apartment, which also counts as the first time he went there, after his schedule. he didn’t greet you with his calm and comforting demeanor like the first time, he was cold and unreadable–distant but pleading.

“i shouldn’t be here,” he admitted as you told him to come inside, “but i couldn’t stay away,”

and just like that, you were back in the loop. nights that felt like promises and mornings that broke you all over again. 

“are you sure about this, y/n?” your manager oppa asked you.

“yeah! i feel him changing for the better, oppa,” you smiled brightly, eyes scanning the setlist for your upcoming concert.

“waking up with him beside you doesn’t count as change, y/n! you still haven’t asked him about what you guys are!” he scolded but you avoided his glance.

the truth is, you did. you asked again. it was inside your apartment this time. it was around december, when everything felt cold outside but inside felt even colder.

your head in sicheng’s lap as the both of you watched the latest episode of eternal sunshine. he was watching your reaction as kun’s character was being teased by the lead actress and hendery. 

“sicheng,” you called. 

“hmm?” 

“are you ready?” you asked. unlike the last time where you had the guts to confront him, you didn’t have the courage to do so that night. you were afraid of what he had to say but you wanted to ask. you had to ask him. 

“y/n…” he started, he was caressing your hair as if to comfort you but deep inside, you know it’s his conscience eating him up, “i’m sorry,” 

you shouldn’t have asked. 

it was humiliating but you can’t help the tears streaming down sicheng’s pajamas. you were crying while still in his lap. but what made you hurt more was him, raising the volume of the television just so he couldn’t hear you aching because of him. 

you fell asleep with an achy heart that night. the day after, sicheng distanced himself from you, feeling ashamed of what he did. you guys did break up again that time but you didn’t have the guts to tell your manager because, like what you expected, the both of you reconciled again. 

and then broke up, once more.

when eternal sunshine’s director invited you to the set again, you were hesitant to come but your manager encouraged you to do so, saying something along the lines of ‘face your fears’ or something. 

“hello, y/n! long time no see!” the director beamed at your presence, “i told sicheng to bring you here anytime but he never did! your presence is missed deeply,” 

“oh… we kinda broke up,” you sheepishly said, the atmosphere now awkward. before the director could apologize, you quickly added “it’s not like there’s something to ‘break’ ‘cause there was never an us in the first place… but y’know,”

she gave you a sad smile, “it didn’t work out, huh?”

“he didn’t work it out with me,” 

it was true. you tried your best to understand sicheng but every break up you guys had also made him even distant. sure, he was better than the first one–he would kiss your cheek, make you dinner and breakfast but everything felt empty. as if he was doing all those stuff to keep you to stay. 

“anyways,” the director cleared her throat, “i called you here because i wanted to talk about the album you’re doing for season 1 and 2. i assume your manager has told you to have it finished by the exact time the last episode of season 1 airs?” 

you nodded. even during the second break up that your manager didn’t know, he made you aware of the album situation with eternal sunshine. the ost you made became a hit that everyone is demanding another song from you for the series however, both parties agreed that an album would be beneficial for you and the drama. 

you couldn’t say no to your manager, especially when he looked so ecstatic telling you about the opportunity. music was your escape, but during those times it was tying you even closer to the man you couldn’t let go of. 

making an album for the drama also includes you visiting the set just so you could get the vibes, to make it as close to the characters as possible. 

“y/n-ssi! dejun made cookies and he said this is for you,” qian kun warmly acknowledged your presence before giving you the cookies dejun had made, “he said it’s for you. he hopes that he can cheer you up with these,” 

“oh, thank you, kun! i hope to see him next time to give thanks personally,” you gladly accepted the cookies and yangyang joined in your conversation. 

“that won’t happen, noona! dejun always disappears after his scenes so he’s not really close to anyone except the cast,” yangyang butted in, picking a cookie from your stash. “yum!” 

“yangyang!” kun tried to scold the younger man but he already dashed off to where the director was, discussing the next scene. 

“have you tried to make a move on the director yet, kun?” you teased, knowing that he had been trying to make a move, it’s just that the director keeps on dodging his advances.

“trust me, y/n. i’ve been trying,” he sounded so helpless you almost saw you in him, when you were still a mess. “he’s coming,” 

kun warned you but it couldn’t prepare you to see sicheng again, after a month. you vividly remember that time when you guys reconciled but called it off again after a week. this is the first time you’re seeing him again as you were determined to not meet him when visiting the filming site. 

“long time no see, y/n-ssi,”

and it hurt you more than the break ups you had with him.

the album, also titled eternal sunshine, became your most personal work. each track was a piece of your heart laid bare as well as the cast’s personal stories they had disclosed to you, but one song in particular, don’t wanna break up again, resonated louder than the rest. it was raw. it was everything you wanted to say put into a song. every lyric was a plea you can’t say aloud. 

when the album was released alongside the last episodes of the series, it was an instant hit. interviews came pouring in, but the questions were never just about the music. everyone wanted to know who the music was for.

“so, y/n! it’s been so long!” the host greeted you, “the song, don’t wanna break up again, is incredibly emotional! everyone was hooked! can you possibly tell us what inspired you to write such a heart wrenching song?” 

you hesitated for a moment, your chest tightening. a particular name was aching to be let out by your mouth but you swallowed it down. you smiled forcefully, like what the management had trained you before when you were still a trainee. “it’s about loving someone who pushes you into your limit, thinking you’re too much for them,” you said every word carefully, “that even though they’re making you feel all the bad stuff, you still hold onto them–like a cycle of losing and wanting,” 

“sounds personal,” the interviewer teased, wanting to pry just a little more. “is it based on your own experience?”

your throat felt dry, but you gracefully replied, “i think it’s fitting for eternal sunshine, actually! but i think everyone’s been through something like that,” 

but not everyone had a sicheng. not everyone had nights where love was promised and mornings where it shattered into pieces. 

the thing you have been dreading to happen, happened. your fans caught up to everything. the media caught up. 

the speculation began online after the wrapping up press conference of the cast where they were singing your album’s tracks. the part where they were singing don’t wanna break up again trended like wildfire that everyone talked about for weeks… because they were singing it straight into sicheng’s face.

clues were pieced together. from your social media posts, sicheng’s cryptic interviews, to his unusual behavior while everyone was singing your song. 

to your fans, it made total sense. this was your most personal album and everything you and sicheng had been saying on your separate interviews during the ‘plotted’ timeline, as what they have been saying on x, connected with each other. 

“GUYS! do you remember when sicheng was wearing a hoodie oddly similar to y/n’s and then us finding out it was custom-made?” one fan tweeted, garnering thousands of likes.  “‘we both know this time, so we say goodbye’ y/n REALLY got in the studio, wrote THIS, and thought we wouldn’t figure it out. sis, you played yourself,” another one butted in.  “‘this situationship has to end but i just can't refuse’ i KNOW this line has sicheng pacing around his living room rn. he’s probably listening to it on repeat like the rest of us but for HIM it’s personal.”

“this is bad, y/n! everyone’s linking you to sicheng,” stress is an understatement if you were to describe your manager right now, answering calls and texts here and there.

“if this was months ago, i would’ve loved all of these, won’t i?” you teased, remembering the time you imagined your manager’s hair withering from the stress a dating scandal with sicheng would bring him, not thinking it would become real. 

soon, you and sicheng became a hot topic together, with the netizens creating video edits pairing scenes from eternal sunshine with snippets of your performances. every lyric from that song of yours was scrutinized, with don’t wanna break up again becoming the anthem of the speculation. 

it was only a matter of time a fearless journalist popped the question, “your fans are convinced that the song is about a certain actor. do you have any comments on that?”

that wasn’t part of the question list they have submitted on your management prior to this interview so you were taken a back. you looked at the side to see your manager’s eyebrows knitted together, completely disappointed to the journalist. “i think art speaks for itself, it’s up for the listener to interpret it,” you replied, giving the journalist a kind smile. 

“but doesn’t it make you uncomfortable, knowing that everyone is connecting your song to someone specific?” it seems like a kind smile won’t falter this journalist’s pressing questions. 

“heartbreak is universal. the details don’t matter as much as the emotions,” 

behind close doors, however, the attention was harder to ignore. your team advised you to avoid addressing the rumours and apologized for the inconvenience the journalist had caused earlier. 

“it’s fine, it’s not like everyone expected for that to happen,” brushing off their concern.

despite the media buzzing over the possible ‘biggest’ dating rumour ever in the industry, sicheng and his management remained silent. it stung you deeply, for him, someone you loved dearly, to not go against his management rules and defend you. but what’s there for him to defend about? 

his management, so quick to fabricate a public romance with karina to boost his movie, now met the storm with a calculated indifference. no denial, no defense–just the old school silence, hoping it will die down after a day or so. as if you were just a fleeting rumour unworthy of their acknowledgement. 

sadly, the buzz grew when photos surfaced of the two of you entering sicheng’s apartment. you think it was that night when you were overwhelmed with everything that you just stormed out of your recording booth to ask him. thankfully, the photo didn’t show you and sicheng’s face but with the silhouette? it was clear that it was the both of you.

one evening, after another press junket, you found yourself face-to-face with sichang again. he’d been avoiding you per his management’s request but here he is, leaning against the wall of your dressing room. 

it was like the first meeting again. when he asked you out.

“the album,” he started. his voice was softer than you expected, making you remember the nights where he’d sing to you, “it’s beautiful,”

you forced a smile, “thank you,” your tone was neutral, “i guess heartbreak makes good music,”

his jaw tightened, “you think i don’t know?”

this time, you tried your best not to let out a sarcastic laugh, “do you?” you were challenging him, stepping closer to feel his aura deteriorating, “because you made sure it never stops,” 

for a moment, sicheng didn’t say anything and you thought he’d run away from you again. then, quietly, “i never wanted to hurt you, y/n,”

“but you did, sicheng!” your voice was full of ache, “and you kept on doing it. every time, sicheng… i think i’ve moved on and then you pull me back in. i thought you were getting better but you didn’t. i thought i was too much for asking what we had, you know? you made me feel bad for demanding things that shouldn’t been demanded in the first place,” 

he tried to touch your cheek, noticing a tear falling down your eye but you stepped back, “i’m sorry, y/n,” 

you shook your head, “just stop, sicheng. please?”

the final break up, or the closure (like what your manager likes to call it), wasn’t loud or dramatic. it was quiet, mature, and comforting. it was like a song fading out. the first weeks, he kept on calling, begging you to stay by his side but you know that if you did, you’ll be back in the cycle that favors him the most, the type where you lose yourself in the process. 

so, you stopped answering his calls and eventually, he stopped making them. 

the world never really moved on from you and sicheng but the speculations died down. in the end, your album and the series’ excellence were praised by everyone without bringing up the scandalous romantic escapade you had with sicheng. 

late at night, when you stared out at the city lights, the memories still lingered, soft yet cutting. despite knowing how disastrous it was to love him, you had returned again and again, hoping for something more… something that he wasn’t ready to give you despite him telling you to try it with him. 

and in the end, you let him slip through your fingers, even as your heart begged you to hold on just one more time. because beneath the longing for his touch and warmth, you know it had to end at some point. 

You were about to sit beside Yangyang when the new actress beat you to it and told you to sit between Sicheng and Hendery. 

“It’s more fun if we sat beside our partners in the drama!” She suggested but you knew she just wanted to sit besides Yangyang. 

The table was tense, with the actress giving Yangyang a lot of food on his plate while you and the rest were quietly looking at the both of them. 

“I told Yangyang not to invite the newbie,” Hendery murmured. 

“Wouldn’t that be bad?” You asked, surprised he even talked to you. 

“So what? He could tell her I’m the one who suggested it.”

“That would be bad for you, then.”

"Everyone knows I’m bad. Much better for her to experience it sooner."

You wanted to continue the conversation with Hendery more but he was clearly preoccupied with his ramen.

“That’s Hendery for you,” Sicheng smiled. “Here, get some of the beef I cooked.” 

“Thank you, Sicheng,” you thanked him as he put some cooked beef into your plate. 

From time to time, Yangyang kept on glancing at you while the new addition to the crew kept on pushing herself to the man. He was being uncomfortable because even though they rented a private section of this restaurant, rumors can still go and he can’t afford to have that. 

“He’s looking at you, Y/N,” Sicheng said, as if you hadn’t noticed it earlier. 

“I know, oppa. It feels weird.”

“Miss Y/N, you haven’t been touching your plate. Is everything alright?” Dejun asked rather loudly and everyone’s eyes on you now which made you feel small, especially when Yangyang’s gaze turned concerned. 

“Yes, Dejun-sunbae. I just feel full now,” you smiled at his direction which is a bit to the left whereas you were in the middle. 

“I’ll finish your food, Y/N. Give it to me,” Yangyang suddenly said, his right hand in your direction, waiting for you to give him your plate. 

“But–”

“Sicheng-ge, give me her plate,” you swear you could hear the newbie disagreeing with Yangyang but he didn’t mind.

Sicheng, being the biggest shipper of you and Yangyang, gladly followed the younger’s request. 

“Thank you, Yangyang-sunbae,” you said, eyes glinting with affection that everyone on the table didn’t miss. 

Of course, the both of you may not notice your deep fondness towards each other but everyone around you can feel it–they just don’t want to meddle with it. 

After everyone finished eating, you guys decided it would be better to part ways with each other and when the cast vanished into the busy streets of Seoul, you found yourself alone with Yangyang. 

“At last,” Yangyang jokingly said, nudging you playfully with his elbow while grinning from ear to ear. “At last, I can be with you alone!” 

Your heartbeat raced as you tried finding a reasonable response to him. “Don’t say that, sunbae!” 

“Why? Don’t you want to spend time with me?” 

“I like being with you, Yangyang-sunbae,” you responded, your tone was heartfelt but your execution was shy. 

Yangyang glanced at you for a while before forcing you to look back up at him, his fingers found your chin, racing it up so you could meet eye to eye. “I’ve been meaning to tell you this, Y/N.” 

“Mhm?” 

“You can stop calling me sunbae, you know,” he continued, “Just call me Yangyang, like everyone does.”

“But I don’t like calling you the way they do,” you argued, your lips forming a firm line. 

He just laughed at your stubbornness before ruffling your hair. 

“Okay, nepo baby. Just call me whatever you want,” he smiles at you genuinely, never getting tired of your little habits. 

“Okay, my dearest sunbae,” he laughs again this time but you truly meant what you had said. 

“Sunbae…” you trailed. Your eyes now bravely meet his. Naught was evident in your current state as you slowly walked closer to Kun.

The man started getting nervous as you stopped near him. The only barrier the both of you have is at least one inch of air and clothes. “Yes..?” He asked tensely. Kun wanted to put more space between the both of you but his body won’t budge to what his mind wants. He stood there, extremely close to you and his anxiousness to what you are about to say was clear in his demeanor.

“Would you like to watch me dance again? And then you can give me advice afterwards.” Your tone was achingly flirtatious and you winced after that came out of your mouth. You hoped that he’d agree while he hoped that his members would come sooner or he’d accept your offer and make more immoral thoughts about you… while he has a girlfriend.

It took a while for Kun to respond to what you had just said. He closed his eyes for a moment and inhaled deeply, his members still didn’t arrive even though the situation he is in right now needed them.

And he answered you with something both of you knew would change the trajectory of your relationship with each other.