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I mean look at this!! SLIKT. CHONK. Look at the blood gushing out of both these guys’ wounds. Archangel almost cut Sabertooths god damn face off!! Jesus! Injury Count: Archangel – Shattered Clavicle, concussion and internal bleeding from 2000 foot fall impact. Sabertooth – Face almost sliced off. (X-Factor #52 – Mar 1990)
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This is how this fight ends, in a brutal, bloody draw, with Sabertooth slashing apart Archangels guts which are already hanging on the outside of his body, and Archangel cutting Sabertooth 5/8s of the way all the way through the middle of his torso. Look at that cut! You can see it all the way through to the back half of his body!! If Sabertooth had stumbled slightly differently, the top half of his body would have broken off the bottom half of his body, just like the Kurgan’s head at the end of the first Highlander movie. Show me a bloodier Marvel comic from the 1990s I dare you! (X-Factor #52 – Mar 1990)
In my humble nerd opinion, this is the best Louise Simonson written X-Factor comic. It’s got great writing and art, all the characters are engaged in various plot threads, and it’s also got one of the most brutal and bloody fights in any X-Men comic ever. There’s like, gallons of blood in this comic, and most of it belongs to Archangel. I was in 4th grade when this comic came out. I know this because I vividly remember when my friend Andy brought it to school and let me read it in the classroom. My brain detonated. Archangel's intestines fall out. Sabertooth almost gets cut in half. Sigh. Good days. Andy’s a Republican now. We don’t talk much anymore. And now that I'm a weathered, cynical adult, I’m not even sure I'll have the same respect for this story that I did back then, but I guess I’ll find out. Probably not, because upon looking at this cover now, my first thought is “hey look at how Rob Liefeld drew the taints on these guys.”
(X-Factor #52 – Mar 1990)
This seems familiar doesn’t it? Is this the same restaurant Scott and Jean went to when they got attacked by Sentinels in X-Men #98? Why would he take her back there??? Does he not know of any other restaurants in all of Manhattan?? Oh, I’m sorry Cyclops, is Giuseppi’s not fancy enough for you? Does their dress code not meet your standards?? They don’t have the right vintages?? And now you’re getting attacked by giant cockroaches. Why would anyone date this guy??? (X-Factor #52 – Mar 1990)
Jesus does Archangel have a healing factor too??? He got shot through the fucking clavicle with the highest caliber rifle in the existence of comic books and now not only can you not see the wound anymore, but Warren’s throwing right hooks with that same arm as if absolutely nothing happened. Well he better hope he has a healing factor because Sabertooth just literally ripped his fucking guts out. Like, they don’t show it, but Jesus, he says it. Archangel fights the rest of this god damn comic with his guts falling out of his body. Whew. Injury Count: Archangel – Shattered clavicle (I’m still counting it, Archangel doesn’t have a healing factor), concussion and internal bleeding from 2000 foot fall impact, intestines falling out. Sabertooth – None. (X-Factor #52 – Mar 1990)
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Meanwhile, in between scenes of Sabertooth and Archangel performing simultaneous autopsies on each other, Bobby meets his future girlfriend Opal for the first time while she’s working her toxic job at the record store. This is a real whirlwind romance so just hold onto your buttholes for this one. It all starts here when Bobby asks out a complete stranger based completely on her physical appearance and that mysterious allure a woman exudes when they hold utter contempt toward you for blocking out the sun.
Oh to be a celebrity and get all the chicks whilst acting like a complete dickhead. Look at me over here I’m like the god damned Mole watching this scene through a keyhole and contemptuously getting jealous while a fictional comic book character gets a date. But seriously fuck Bobby! (X-Factor #52 – Mar 1990)
When the heck did Sabertooth start using guns like he’s some kind of Kraven the Hunter over here? Anyway, the fight between Sabertooth and Archangel starts with a blam when Sabertooth shoots Archangel out of the sky with a super mutant high caliber rifle. You know what. This fight between these two is just poetry. I’m going to keep a running tally on injuries sustained in this fight. And it’s probably just going to be injuries for Archangel since Sabertooth has that god damned healing factor and if I mark an injury for him then I’ll just have to remove it in the next post. Injury Count: Archangel – Shattered Clavicle. Sabertooth – None. (X-Factor #52 – Mar 1990)
