#xd30

Twenty-one | Twenty- two| Twenty- three| Twenty-four| Twenty-five| Twenty-six| Twenty-seven| Twenty-eight| Twenty- nine| Thirty 

I held your pillow It smelled like crushed cotton Misted with lavender Wrapped in musk Pressed my fingers to my lips Inhaled deeply single tear rolled down my cheek Rocked back and forth Repeated I love you over and over Waited to hear you Said my final goodbye before I let go I held your pillow

[ New Flame - Jada] "And now, give a huge Miami welcome to...FLAME!", exclaimed the announcer. The arena went completely black as we took our marks on the set. I would appear behind a veil-like material that would act as flame at the top of burning car and my brother would step out of the car. The car was was being moved on a moving walkway on the stage to give the illusion that my brother was driving. Red lights begin to flash as the car parked center stage. The audience goes crazy. They scream so loud that I was afraid that I would miss my cue to come in. My brother and I prayed fervently before we left the hotel room that evening and were confident that we would put on a great show. Here we are. Two kids from a small suburb right outside of Atlanta, Ga performing for thousands of people. "Are y'all ready to dance?!", I say as loud as I can over my mic. "Let's take a ride. I guarantee to have you home before the morning light.", Jace began singing. His voice was so perfect. He looked great. I knew he was nervous. Hell, I was nervous. But it was something about jumping out there on that stage and the energy of the audience that took all of that nervous energy away. We performed for 40 min and the crowd loved every minute of it. We had one costume change and somehow wardrobe misplaced my shoes for the second costume but besides that, our show was flawless. "Thank you everybody! Be sure to get our debut album 'Double Trouble' available everywhere on July 1st!", I said as we left the stage. We exited the stage and I immediately jumped in my brothers arms. Jace is literal perfection. I know I'm the outgoing one but I want to be like him in so many ways. I look up to my brother and I hope our, already strong relationship, grows stronger. After our embrace we head back to our dressing room to meet Mona and to our surprise our entire family was waiting in the hallway. "Oh my God!", I screamed running into the arms of my grandpa. Bishop, was the first person I saw and then I hugged my grandma, mom and dad. A couple of our aunts and uncles came along as well as our cousins. We even had a couple of close friends from our church all there with flowers and balloons to celebrate our awesome performance. It meant so much for us to be here. Growing up as preacher's kids, we were blessed to have family who supported our secular music. However, we didn't push the envelope when it came to our lyrical content out of respect to our upbringing and legacy. After hugging everyone and exchanging words of excitement I changed so that I could join everyone else in the arena to see SASSY perform. They came out and did their thing...if that's a nice way of saying that they were "ok". It felt like we were at an entire new arena watching from the audience. Everything is much different on stage. We hadn't interacted with SASSY since we've been here. I didn't even get close to them at the pool party but Mona informed us that they were looking forward to meeting us at the afterparty tonight. The concert ended at 11pm exactly. We rushed back stage for a quick meet and greet. Our family and loved ones went back to their hotel to rest up. We would meet them for breakfast to celebrate tonight's show. I was taking a picture with the last fan when I heard someone scream. After the previous night's events I jumped out of fear. When I looked up I saw Q walking in with 2 dozen red and white roses. I can't explain the way I almost ran up to him and kissed him. I had to remind myself that I haven't even called him yet. "Superstar you were amazing and I had to make sure I came to tell you that myself.", Q said flashing a smile as if he was Jay Z looking at Beyoncé. After tonight, honey I felt like Beyoncé. I ran to him to give him a hug. I've never received flowers like that from a guy so I thought a hug would be the proposer exchange, although he was looking so good I wanted to give him some of "Jada's Pink Kit" right backstage. "Thank you friend!", I said with my face buried in his neck. You call guys 'friend' when you aren't sure of their motive but yet you have a motive of your own. It keeps things neutral. He smelled so good. "I'm so happy you came.", I said. "I told you I was. You're too pretty to lie to.", he said. I blushed. "I can't stay long because the car is waiting. Maybe I'll catch you later?", he asked. "I understand and yea....maybe.", I said with a flirty smile. Security escorted me to my car. I was slightly disappointed that it was Paul again and not Ernest. I hadn't see Ernest since he brought me back to my room. I hope I didn't break his dick and have him in the hospital. I should probably check on him. "Hey Paul.", I begin to ask as he opened the door for me to get in the car. "Where is Ernest?", I asked. "Ernest had some family matters to tend to. He will be back tomorrow.", Paul replied. "Oh ok, just asking. You're great. I just remember him saying that y'all rotated so I didn't know if I need to report him if he had you out here working doubles for him.", I lied. I got in the car. Truth is, after performing like we did tonight, I was extremely turned on. Something about all of that hip thrusting, and knowing that every person in the audience is lusting after you in some way, made me horny as hell. Mona, Adrienne and Jace were already in the car when I got in. We laughed and looked at footage from our set on various fan's social media pages. Mona was so proud of us. I can always tell when she's excited because her voice goes from proper "Hello Miss White Woman" to country "I made the potato salad" really quick. Tonight's after party was at a night club called XHALE. The line to get in was wrapped around the building. Of course we were the special guests so we would walk right in. SASSY was walking in when we pulled up so we had to wait in our car until their security team had them situated inside of the club. I thought about the flowers Q brought me and how good he looked tonight. It was crazy that this time last year I was at a TRAPPERS concert. I remember it ended early, because of a fight, but it was so fun and since then I followed the popular rap group keeping up with their music and appearances. Now, their lead guy was acting as if he was into me and brought me flowers after opening night. I decided to text him. I texted him: 'Hey Q. Thanks again for the flowers. If you guys would like to party with us tonight we are at CLUB XHALE. I would love to tell you thank you again in person.' I knew after I sent the text that he would have my number and a new relationship of some sort would be formed. What is a bitch to do? Hmmmm SEND! We get out of the car to walk the red carpet. People are screaming and taking pictures of us. My phone vibrated and I saw that it was Q. I stopped right there and checked the message. The text read: 'Ok mama. On the way to you.' My inner hoe began to rise. He called me mama which means he must be daddy. We are about to play house! I continued into the club trying to decide if I was going to play 'hard to get' or 'hard to get away from'. He's a celebrity with millions of girls throwing themselves at him daily. He probably has baby mamas and groupies galore. I better not mess with him until I know I can keep my feelings out of it. Shouldn't be hard because I still had a mission to get as much as I could on this tour. Guys do it all of the time so for this tour I was going to rep the rockstar life for the ladies. We head over to our section and 'THROW SOME MO' began playing. I immediately started throwing my ass to the beat. I could see Jace shaking his head before venturing off. About 20 minutes later, Mona walks us over to meet SASSY. They were just as I expected; Fake and fraudulent. I put on a fake show for them because I was grateful to be on their tour. Maybe after a couple of cities I would get to know them and like them. I tried to give the black girl of the group the "hey Sis" wave and she looked at me with a smile that read "umm excuse me I don't speak peasantry." I knew then I'd probably eventually have to catch her outside and throw some hands. Such a dry weave heifer. They were eating my brother up. The can look but that's all they can do. I was going to find the perfect girl for my brother and it wouldn't be any of them. I felt an arm wrap around my waist. I turned around and it was Q. I gave him a tight hug. I turned around to excuse myself from Mona and the rest of the crew when I noticed ol' girl from SASSY, the black one, looking like she felt some type of way about Q coming for ME. I decided to rub it in. "Hey Mona, if anymore of the fans want to meet us just text me. I'm going to the bar to talk to Q.", I said and then turned around making sure my hair flicked over my shoulders. I grabbed Q's hand and escorted him to an empty space at the bar. "You came.", I said like a little girl excited to see Santa. "Of course. You rang.", he answered trying to rhyme. It was cheesy but in a cute way for a rapper. "Can I get you a drink?", he asked. "Sure, I'll take a...", I began as he cut me off. "Hey Mike! Hook me up with 2.", he yelled at the bar tender. First name basis? Two what? "Don't worry, I come to this club every time I'm in Miami. Mike makes the best drinks and knows what I like.", he said. We got our drinks and began to talk. I learned that the other 3 guys in TRAPPERS all grew up on the same street as Q. They went to school together and pretty much got caught up in the thug life together. They were from Jacksonville, Fl. I wasn't aware that Jacksonville had thugs but whatever. The TRAPPERS were truly thugs just made over with a star appeal. We talked so much that I missed some messages from Mona. I glanced across the club and they were having a good time so I didn't bother to text her back. I also notice Paul not too far away. When he wasn't looking I took Q's hand and pulled him down a hallway that lead to what looked like offices. There were people in the hallway. I needed to get somewhere a little quieter. I felt like we had been screaming to hear each other all night. "So where are y'all going after this?", he asked. "We have a show in Charlotte tomorrow night and then we have a day off before heading to D.C.", I answered. "Oh word. We'll be in D.C. in a couple of days too. We have a performance at Howard University. They want us to come encourage students to go to school. I hate school and didn't go to college but I'll take whatever check Howard is writing.", Q said with the smile of a scammer. "I hear ya. Well I'm a college drop out thanks to our record deal and this tour. Maybe I'll see you there too.", I said. "You said that like you're about to say goodbye", he said with a look of disappoint. "Oh no, I just didn't want to come off thirsty and ask you to hang out in D.C. I'm a direct person but I'm still taking in everything that's going on right now. Don't let me keep you out late though.", I said with a chuckle putting my head down just in case I came off crazy. He grabbed my chin and pulled my lips to his. HOE! Before I knew it I had my hand around his neck and we were kissing. It was crazy that Chris Brown's song 'New Flame' was playing in that moment. After a while I no longer heard the music or noticed anyone else's presence in that moment. He pulled away. "I would ask if I can take you back to your room but I don't want to come off too direct either....although I am a little thirsty. Do you mind thirsty Jada.", he said running his tongue across his top grill. Forget the hotel. I couldn't wait and I knew the crew would want to stay up and talk about tonight. Whatever was about to happen will have to happen right now. I thought about seeing if we could 'talk' in his car but he's a celeb and I know there are a lot of people who would chase us once we exited this front doors. I look around and notice one of the office doors cracked open. I take his hand again and lead him into the room not caring who saw us go in. Once inside I answered him, "No Q. I don't mind thirsty. Take your sip." I must have used the same tone of voice I used on Ernest because before I knew it he grabbed me up and laid me down on top of a desk knocking over folders and boxes that were on top. The lights were off but I could see him lick his lips from the light coming from under the door. I had on a simple black body dress with bedazzled stilettos. He pulled my dress up and pulled my sheer black thong off. I laid their in disbelief. Again. I was at this guy's concert a year ago watching from the top section. This was turning out to be a wonderful testimony. He caressed my legs all the way up to my thighs and then stopped to rub my inner thighs. He takes a few seconds and then introduced his index finger to my golden gate. He then used two fingers while staring me in the eye the entire time. Bitch he was trying to connect with me. My goodness began to moisten as he removed his fingers and stuck them in his mouth to sample a taste of me. That was a first for me and I wanted to propose to him right there in that moment. Still staring at me, he lowered himself to his knees and removed the cap he was wearing. He disappeared for a second and then I feel his hands again. I feel the warmth of his face and breath on my inner thigh as he traced circles on my thighs with his tongue. Before I could let out a light moan he took his tongues and thrusted it inside of me. I immediately grabbed his plaits. He went to town on me, licking me like a never-ending lollipop. The music was loud still so I didn't have to mask my moans. It felt so good that I wanted to cry. I fought back tears because I figured if I cried it would make me look inexperienced and I wanted him to think that I was used to this. After about 10 minutes my phone began vibrating none stop. He reached for my phone and handed it to me. I notched that he had accepted the call. I couldn't hang up because it was Adrienne. She was probably looking for me. "Hello!", I said trying to hide my moans. "Yes..mmm..I'm ready...ahhh..I'm saying bye to Q...ahhhh...I'll be right there give me three minutes..mmm.", I said and hung up the phone. After I hung up..Q stood up and leaned over me. He bent down and placed his fat tongue in my mouth allowing me to taste my own honey. That made me so hot that I wanted all of him. He stood up and put his cap back on. He then pulled my panties back up and I pulled my dress down. Reaching for my hand he said "Come on, let me walk you out." I knew that probably wasn't a good idea. My face was flushed and it looked like I had been crying so I didn't want anyone to make up any stories. "I probably should go out alone. They are waiting at the end of the hall and I think we should keep this on the low. It's sexy to me.", I said. "So next time it's your turn to hit me." "I sure will mama. You taste so sweet. I'm fighting not to throw you back on the desk.", he said taking a handful of my ass in his hands. I hug him and kiss him on the cheek. I have to make him crave me and want more so I decided against another kiss on the lips and I didn't even say good bye. I looked down and saw the print in his pants. Looks like what they say is true. The slim ones be packing. I open the door and before I can open it all the way I saw Adrienne standing there as if she was about to walk in. I slip out without letting her see inside. "Did Q leave already?", she asked. "Yea I said.", putting my head down in shame. "What's wrong with you? Looks like you've been crying.", she said. "Everything was just so good tonight. And Q made me feel good. That's all.", I replied before walking away towards the exit. "If you say so hoe.", Adrienne said following behind me.

This was too good to be true.

Jordan turned in her heels at once leaving Jack with his semi-soft bulge, a box of autumn pumpkins, and no text from Ahlia.

September 8, 2011 My mother approached me from behind. The joy in her face, was priceless, almost brining me to tears! "My baby is no longer my baby, but you'll always be my baby!" "Momma, don't make me cry!" We both laugh while the photographer captures a few candids. Finishing the staged photos. We start to make our way to the limousine to head to the church. My bridesmaids made sure everything was in order! I truly couldn't have asked for a better set of friends. My father greets me with a huge smile, upon arrival. "My baby girl, my beautiful baby girl, my fat fat the water rat" "Daddy, don't say that to loud!" He use to call me that when I was younger mainly cause I was fat like a water rat. Those kid chubby rolls are long gone. He kisses my forehead, we share an Eskimo kiss and hook arm and arm! "Let's do this fat fat!" "Let's do this Daddy!" Heading down the aisle, I see no one else but Ryan. His smile is gleaming! He wipes a few tears away. Instantly I start crying! My father hands me off, we are face to face with each other! We opted to do our own vows. Ryan went first, "Honey love, I didn't write anything, I'll just speak from the heart. Roses are red, violets are blue." The whole church giggles. However he hushed them as he continues. "I want all four love stages with you, I want that Agape kind of love, that allows you to see my shortcomings, my flaws and you love me through them. I want that Phileo kind of love, for you to be my friend was my first desire, so I can commit and choose to love you at my will, you desire it from me which allows it to flow easily. I want that Storge kind of love, to know and understand that we are human and we are not without sin,. I want it to be unconditional love that ultimately drives us to forgive the petty things , to make sacrifices so we can feel secure, comfortable and safe, that I'm vulnerable love but it's okay cause you see my strength. I want that Eros kind of love, allow the energy between us be intense and passionate. Let me feel high however no drugs in sight, no added factors to get me to the point where I say I need you, I want you, I desire you and ultimately "I LOVE YOU". I say all of this to say, thank you, thank you for giving me all stages of love, thank you for always seeing me and even when I lost sight of whom I was you carried me, thank you for being you and learning me so I could learn to how to love you best, I take you to forever be my wife, to have and to hold, with every fiber within me, through sickness and health, until death do us part. Honey love it's just us two and if we never grow our family I'm fulfilled." How am I suppose to follow that. I'm sobbing uncontrollably. Snot is everywhere, I've used my flowers as tissues and now the pastor looks at me. Letting me know it's my turn! What I want to say is "holy fuck, baby" but we're in the house of the lord! I get myself together, cleaning my throat. "Well I did write something but after that performance, sheesh I'll speak from the heart! "Ryan, I asked you to love me to the point I become so transparent you can see my thoughts, pick them out of the cloud of judgment, and react before I even speak, that's how in sync I want to be with you. Interlocking fingers we stood in silence our pulses radiated through our thumbs, each beat sent a vibration through our bodies. Interlocking fingers meant unlocking souls and I knew I found you! Baby when you placed your heart in my hands, I was woman enough to be careful with it. Your smile lights up my world, I am everything, anything and nothing all at the same time with you. I take you to forever be my husband, to have and to hold, with every fiber within me, through sickness and health until death do us part and baby I'm so fulfilled!" We kissed and walked the aisle... Two days later I had a doctors appointment. I found out that just us two would be turning to just us three. Leaving the office I received a missed call. Ryan left me a voicemail. I waited until I reached my car, put the key in the ignition. Listened to the voicemail. It was a lot of noise in the background! His voice sounded clam. "Honey love I called to hear your voice one last time, I won't be home this evening. There is an attack, a plane has hit the building. I just want you to know that I love you and I'm fulfilled..." The phone goes silent. I immediately turn the radio on! I sit listening to the somberness in the dj's voice! I rub my belly with tears falling from my eyes! I keep hearing his words over and over again! "I love you and I'm fulfilled!"

If I shall die before I wake I hope you know that I gave you all of me All my flaws wrapped in a bow All my dreams in hopes to aspire you All my affection so you knew intimacy on another level If I shall die before I wake I pray your tears cleanse you I pray you smile through hurt I pray you know your eyes gave passage to your soul I could tell you needed to be FREE If I shall die before I wake I pray the lord my soul to take I've lived a fulfilling life I love you