#work~

I so badly wish that I could quit my job, but it's not for recreation anymore like I have to pay car insurance and for gas now, and whatever is left over goes towards my medical bills bc we have like $20k+ worth all bc of me and my family's financial state is trash :-) And now my grades are shitty and I don't have time to study more or catch up unless I want to lose any sleep that I am actually able to get. Like I dont want to blame everything on my job, bc I was the one who decided to do band/drumline on top of it, but my time is managed to the extreme level even w/o drumline now.

I went to bed at 9 am, my mom wole me up at 10:15, i just took a 2 hours nap ad im going into work and sick agajn :-) and i havent sone any of my qritten assignment or finished my muskc project for ib, and i have to do my hs history 2nd semester still and im too emotional yo be able to focus on anything like its affecting me at work and in school now and i dont know what to do fun times man

I have never felt more excluded than i did tonight with ny coworkers. One of my shift supervisors doesn't like me so she didn't talk to me all night unless she was calling me out for making a mistake which weren't even mistakes according to every other manager and shift leader. And then she sent one of the other cashiers to jamba juice to get smoothies and i asked the cashier if i could gice her money to get me something and she said that my shift leader told her not to get me anything. And then i asked her if i could go on my 10 because i had been working for 6 hours already and was feeling dizzy and she wouldn't let me go on break and i ended up passing out. And then she gave me some ice and told me to get back to work.

I love that I might not be put on cymbal line because I might have to miss one practice here or there to work to help make house payments, even though I have shown everyone that I can keep up with the drill and music, and despite the fact that I am still making it work with a nonstop schedule that takes my time away from working on my well being. I'm sorry but even if I am not at every single practice all the time, I have still proven that I am able to make it work and maintain the same level as every other person around me. This probably doesn't make sense, but I am going to be really angry if I have my only form of stress release and enjoyment taken away from me because I have to put more stress on myself to be able to live a semi normal life.

And I would just like to say that it is 12:27 and I just got home from work 10 minutes ago