Loki’s plans to conquer and rule Midgard have come to a disastrous end. After being captured by the Avengers, he is being held on Earth. Odin has refused to interfere, and the outlook for the God of Mischief appear bleak. His only hope may lie in one mortal woman, a Psychiatric expert brought in to interrogate him.
Dr. Caroline Thorpe is intrigued by Loki and thinks that more lies beneath his actions than is commonly known. Can she find out the truth before he is shipped off to die for crimes against the Earth? And can Loki bring himself to care?
Loki did his best to follow Thor's instructions, but his eyes could barely focus as he raised them to his brother's face. It felt as though all of the emotions in the multiverse were screaming inside Loki's head, pushing for a way out of the confinement of his skull. If his head had burst open and rained chaos on the world, Loki would not have been surprised to see it.
"You do not look well," Thor said with dramatic understatement. "I should go get Mother."
"No!" Loki pulled all of his internal strength together to control the riot of feeling overwhelming him. "Not yet. Tell me."
"Tell you what?" Thor asked, face a mask of panic as he struggled to make sense of his brother's brusque demands.
"Everything," Loki rasped. "How long."
"Since you were brought back?"
Loki shuddered as he tried to come up with a reset moment. He remembered preparing for Thor's coronation. He had thought himself a tangle of feeling then, although it could not compare to this moment.
He had been honestly proud of Thor, his brave older brother looking every inch a hero in his new armor and helm. At the same time, he seemed to be the only one aware of how unprepared Thor was for the responsibility about to be thrust at him. Odin was a great war chief and wise ruler, but he when it came to passing on those skills, he had fallen somewhat flat. After all, when all of your edicts are obeyed as a matter of law, why would you expect that lessons bellowed at your sons would not also be instantly absorbed and made into action?
Loki could tell that Thor had not seen the deeper meaning behind Odin's stories of their history. He saw only the glory of victory, not the cost that those victories levied. When Loki attempted to point out these truths to Thor, his brother accused him of cowardice. When he intimated to Odin that Thor was missing the larger picture, he was accused of envy that the crown would not pass to him, that or trite hopes that the weight of ruling would mature his rash brother. As usual, no one took his concerns seriously.
Which led to another emotion - frustration. Why was it always Thor who was advanced, when Loki was the one who saw, who heard, and understood? What was his great flaw that despite his greater apprehension he was forever second best to Thor?
"Since your coronation," he said, deciding it was as good a starting point as ever.
"There was no coronation Loki, you know that," Thor sounded put out by the subject, but Loki couldn't let it go.
"I remember. You entered to great fanfare."
"And do you remember the Jotuns?" Thor demanded. "The Frost Giants that you let in to ruin the day for me?"
A new wave of feeling surged inside him at the mention of their ancient enemies. Loki slid off the bench onto the floor, eyes welling up with unshed tears. Why? Had something happened at the ceremony? He did vaguely remember a plot to postpone the coronation now, only so that Odin would watch Thor spin out of control and perhaps delay for a few decades.
"Loki, you truly seem unwell. I think we need to get you to mother. These unpleasant memories of your breakdown are not helping either of us."
Breakdown? Was that why he had been in the infirmary? Had Loki been so envious of his brother that he had slipped into madness? That would explain why Sif and Fandral had acted so strangely around him, but Loki was sure there was more. After all, he had suffered humiliation and envy his entire life; why should one more instance be of such great matter?
"You said... mortal Doctor?"
It was the last thing he could remember Thor saying before the deluge had begun. As he brought it up now, new emotions rose to the surface, crowding out the pain. Joy, acceptance, fear, and love. He did not know why, but it was as though a healing balm soothed the raw nerve that was his inner self.
"Loki, something is not right."
Well, obviously! Any number of things were not right. But the mortal, this Doctor he was reaching for a memory of. Loki had the feeling that she was more than alright. She might just be the key to everything.
"Thor, you're back!"
"Mother! Thank all the realms! Come quick."
Out of the corner of his eye, Loki saw the dim shape of Friga sprint onto the terrace, and then she was dropping neatly to the ground beside him.
"Loki! What are you doing out of bed?"
A cool hand was pressed to his forehead, but Loki shied back from it. He did not know what had happened to him, but the fear that these barely remembered feelings might be taken from him again caused him to instinctively recoil.
"No!" he gasped. "I need them!"
"Thor, what happened? What did you say?" their mother turned to her elder son anxiety obvious even through the miasma of Loki's haze.
"Nothing! I told him I was glad to see him looking better," Thor replied defensively. "And he was, until a moment ago!"
"Did you bring up anything about his accident? Or the time he was away? Anything that might have upset him?"
"Upset him, no! I even defended him against Sif and Fandral when they wanted to hold the Midgard nonsense against him!"
"They talked to him about Midgard? What did they say?"
"I don't know exactly I only caught the end of it. You know, just about the invasion, the Chitari, oh! And the Destroyer from before his time in the Void."
The Void! The word chilled him as deeply as Thor's mention of a Doctor had warmed. He had known a Void. Had hoped and dreaded it all at once.
"Loki, listen to me," Frigga was kneeling beside him again. "You have been through a great ordeal. A few days ago, you were almost killed by a blast from a solar phaser. It tried to rewrite all of your atoms into something not able to live. If you had been anyone else, you would not have survived. It was only because of your own fluid nature, that you made it through at all."
"Sounds wonderful," he managed to almost joke.
"You needed all of your strength to live," she continued, ignoring his interjection. "All of your energy to rebuild the pathways of your mind and body. We couldn't have you struggling. We definitely couldn't have you trying to work against us."
It made sense. He had studied for a time with Eir, and he knew that will was just as important in these matters as physical metal.
"There are... some things that happened to you," she went on, choosing her words with obvious care. "Unpleasant things, to put it mildly. You went through a very dark ordeal, my precious son. I am only partially aware of what was done to you, and it is almost more than I can bear. If I had the power, I would hunt down the ones who hurt you and make them pay and pay and pay again."
Friga was not often blood thirsty. If she was so open to revenge now, it must have indeed been a horrible fate he was subjected to.
"In order to allow you time to heal, Eir and I went into your mind. We built a wall between you and the memories of torture. It was our hope that when your body had mended, we could lower the blockade slowly, and allow you some memory of the hell you went through but alleviated by our combined magic. I had not expected you to rise so quickly from your sick bed. I'm afraid the mention of the pain it before we could prepare you has brought it all back at once."
"But it was not mention of Midgard that did this to him," Thor said hastily, sounding for the world like a guilty child.
"Then what?" Friga asked.
"It was when I brought up the woman. Caroline. The one who is in love with him."
"In love with me?" Loki gasped.
Thor had mentioned before that he was courting this mysterious woman, and that Loki claimed to love her. He had also said that she had shot him. That all had seemed to match Loki's expectations when it came to romance. He was not without occasional dalliances, he was a prince after all, but at the end of the day no one was in love with him. Certainly not someone he loved in return. But Thor said this woman... Caroline, a lovely name... was in love with him. So why was she not here, and why had she shot him?
"The woman who shot him?" Friga asked, clearly as surprised as Loki.
"Yes," Thor nodded. "Didn't I tell you that part?"
"It appears to have slipped your mind," she said tartly.
"She and Loki formed an attachment. Friend Stark and I found them hiding after she broke him out of prison. At first, I thought he had kidnapped and enchanted her..."
"Thor!" their mother admonished.
"Well, she was tied up," Thor explained. "But in truth she had fallen in love with him. She is quite lovely, and smart as well. For a mortal."
"Oh, Loki, if only I had known!" Friga exclaimed. "When we cleared your mind of the torture, we must have cleared it of this woman as well."
"Caroline," he said, barely hearing his mother.
A hazy image began to form in his brain. A mass of untidy hair. Kind, keen eyes. A smile that formed at the most odd moments. Loki felt his heart begin to beat a rapid pace. Yet, despite his accelerated heartrate, the roiling pain of negative emotions began to ease even more. The warmth her name inspired spread through Loki, allowing him to breath.
"If what you say is true, where is she?" Friga demaned.
"I don't know," Thor confessed. "I was too concerned with Loki. He was so weak."
Loki winced at the description, but he could tell there was honest fear in his brother's voice, so he let it go.
"I thought only to get him back to Asgard," Thor continued. "I suppose Dr. Caroline would have been taken into SHIELD custody. It would have been easy enough once we had taken the Mind Stone away. In any case, she collapsed herself when Loki dove in front of the gun."
"Why would I do that?" Loki asked, of himself as much as of his brother.
"I have been wondering that myself," Thor said with a shrug.
"Oh Loki," Friga looked at him with compassion in her eyes he did not quite understand. "You do love her."
"Yes," he said slowly, not knowing who she was or what had passed between them, and yet somehow absolutely certain that his mother was right. "Yes, I do."
***
"So, this former patient that Stark was talking about - that was the alien who invaded Manhattan?"
"It was more complicated than that, but yes. Loki," Caroline tried to keep her voice steady as she said his name.
"Excuse me for being blunt, but he's not the best advertisement for sanity."
"I can see why you would think that Mr. Murdock."
Caroline could not blame the man for his skepticism. Even without being able to see her haggard appearance, she knew she presented a far from put together presence. And as much as she loved Loki and understood the reasons for his actions, he had come across as a bit unhinged during the whole invasion.
"Matthew is fine," he told her with a lopsided smile that was somehow boyish. "I've never really talked to a therapist before."
"More a go it alone type?" she asked half-heartedly.
"I guess. Although as Stark pointed out, I do talk to my priest on occasion."
"That wasn't just hyperbole?" her attention was actually drawn for a moment.
"You sound surprised."
"I guess I just don't know a lot of people who actively practice religion. The enhanced individuals I've been working with lately tend to not believe in any higher power than themselves."
"Well, in all fairness your last patient called himself a God."
Caroline tried to hide the wince at the comment. It hurt to talk about Loki as though he were just another client. He had come to be so much more than that to her.
"I don't mean to over-step, but it seems like maybe you need to talk to someone more than I do, Dr. Thorpe."
"Do you moonlight as a priest, Mr. Murdock?" she tried for humor and felt it fall flat.
"Matt. And no, my calling was in a different direction. But circumstances have turned me into a pretty good listener."
"Thanks, but I've been self-indulgent enough these past days," she replied, ignoring his attempted at self-depreciating humor. "I don't need to bore you with my drama."
"Somehow I doubt a relationship with an alien demi-god who tried to crown himself king of New York would be boring."
"No, no it was not. Loki was a lot of things, but boring was never one of them."
"Was a lot of things? Past tense?" he was quick, this lawyer.
"That's the million dollar question. You see, I shot him."
"Shot him? With a gun?"
"A ray gun... sort of. Alien tech."
"Is he alright?"
"I don't know. Thor - his brother - took him back to their planet to heal him. That was over a week ago, and there has been no word since."
"But he was alive when you saw him last?"
"Barely," the image of Loki, breath shallow and unconscious, swam in her suddenly tear-filled eyes. "I didn't mean to shoot him. I was aiming for someone else. Someone who deserved to die. Loki dove in front and took the shot himself."
"Maybe he didn't share your opinion of the intended target."
"Oh, he did," Caroline laughed darkly. "Loki would have happily killed the man himself. I had to make him promise me he wouldn't before we came in fact."
"I don't understand. If you didn't want the man killed, then why -"
"Did I try to shoot him?" she asked. "I know this will sound impossible..."
"Dr. Thorpe, I'm a blind lawyer who fights mystic ninjas in my spare time. Believe me when I tell you very little sounds impossible to me."
Well, when he put it that way...
"I was being mind controlled by a magic rock from outer space."
"Okay, I can see how you might think that could sound unlikely," the half grin was back, but there was a kindness to it that let her know he was not laughing at her but attempting to laugh with her.
"Unlikely, but true. It was what was being used to control Loki during his invasion. We were working, along with Tony and Thor, to contain it and remove it from Earth. Unfortunately, I wasn't strong enough to resist it. Before I knew what I was doing, I was pointing the gun at Secretary Pierce and pulling the trigger."
"Correct me if I'm wrong, but you said this... rock... was strong enough to control Loki himself?" Matt was leaning forward in concentration.
"Yes," she conceded.
"And he is some sort of magical demi-god himself. So, it doesn't seem like it should be surprising that you would be unable to resist it. Maybe you need to be a little less hard on yourself."
"I shot the man I love."
"No, you didn't," he objected, raising his hand when she tried to argue back. "You shot a man you despised. Secretary Pierce. At least, I assume you despise him since you said he deserved to die. We'll come back to that in a minute. But you shot Pierce. That was your action. It was Loki's action to keep to your shot from hitting its intended target."
"If I hadn't fired, he would still be here."
"You don't know that. None of us can know what might have been. Maybe you would have killed Pierce and soldiers would have burst in and shot you all. You can't ever be sure. All you can be sure of is what did happen. Loki kept you from doing something you could never take back. His love for you was strong enough to spare you the guilt that would have followed you around for the rest of your life."
"How do you know it would have?" she challenged.
"Because you are a good person. I may not know you well, but even brief acquaintance with you is enough to see that. Vengeance isn't ours, Dr. Thorpe. We don't get to decide who lives and who dies. I've watched making that decision consume otherwise good people, until they become a shell of themselves. My guess is your Loki has seen the same thing. You didn't shoot him, he saved you. Don't take that choice, that action away from him."
As Murdock spoke the last words, Caroline felt them strike something within her. All his life, people had taken Loki's choices from him. His parents not telling him his true parentage, Thor's friends refusing to see how his rule played out before turning against him, Thanos torturing him until he could bend Loki's will to his own. Over and over, he had been robbed of his agency. Was she doing that now as well?
"You've given me a lot to think about," she admitted.
"I'm a really good lawyer," he grinned again. "I know how to make an argument."
"Remind me to get your card before you go," she smiled weakly. "I might need a good defense attorney before this whole thing plays out."
"It would be my pleasure, Dr. Thorpe," he said, placing a comforting hand over hers.
"If you want to keep that hand," a deceptively quiet voice spoke from the doorway, "I suggest you remove it from my Lady's. Now."
I’ve never written for Matt before, so hope I have his voice right! Thank you all who are still here!
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Dirk, do you ever wonder what would happen if your friends abandoned you? My bestie ditched me ( I'm sure she had her reasons ) and I'd like some tips on coping because right now I'm having trouble... functioning. To be honest. If anyone else would like to weigh in ( I'm looking at you, Farah ) that'd be great too. Amanda, Tina, Hobbs, I think you are all so cool. Todd, you are very brave and your friends are lucky to have you.
I have…consideredit before. But I’m almost alwaysaround my friends, you see, so I don’t really know what would happen. And yes, I am really lucky to have Todd. Actually, considering the number oftimes Todd, Farah, and the others have saved me, I may have already been- ~Dirk
Okay, you are not finishingthat sentence. Anon, Dirk is right. We’re always around each other. We all haveour personal experiences, so for us to give you tips might not be the bestidea. I’m sure that Dirk’s tips would be very different to Amanda’s tips, forexample, so we can’t really objectivelytell you what would help youindividually. ~ Farah
You said that she had her reasons. What reasons? Have youtwo, you know, talked? I mean, do you understand each other? ~ Hobbs
Yeah, that’s really important. Misunderstandings justescalate things, right? And, dude, you do notwant that. At least if you know what’s up…you know what’s up. Does that makesense? ~ Tina
I think Tina’s saying that if there’s a chance, you want to know that there’s a chance, not justgive up. You kinda also want to know if there isn’t. You’ll have moredirection; you’ll feel more in control. Knowing where I stand helps me. But,seriously though, everyone is special. Everyone deserves friendship. And I promise you’ll find it, even where youleast expect – and I can say that from experience. ~ Amanda
You shouldn’t push it, anon. If you both have drifted apart,there’s nothing wrong with fighting for it. But sometimes, the Universe mightwant you to move on. That’s what I’ve learned. And I guess, if I’d never movedon, I’d never have Dirk. ~ Todd
Friends aren’t alwaysfriends. But, we don’t want you to be sad. You could be our friend! ~ Mona
We can’t make it sound sweet, anon, because it’s not. It’sshitty. But we’re here for you. There are people out there who are there foryou. ~ Todd
My friends…they’re amazing.They’re the best thing that everhappened to me. The tips I’d give you…they’d only really apply to me. We’re alldifferent, like Farah said, but that’s not a bad thing. It just means that you have your own opportunities. We’llbe here if you need us! ~ Dirk
I am deathly afraid of dying (hahah funny joke), but yeah I’m terrified of dying, which is strange as I’m only 18 years old (soon to be 19). I guess it might be because I haven’t left my mark on the world yet even though I am again, only 18. I’m dealing with it mostly through this blog, knowing even if I pass away, this will be here, letting people know that I existed and it’ll be here for as…
My dad apparently has been thinking about what I told him and he messaged me after a few hours saying that my brother and me are the lights that give him strength to keep on living & he loves me as I am no matter if I'm a genius or not he still loves me & I know is not much but he has never been emotional before and this means so much to me 😭
I think we made some progress today. Like proper progress.
Something more positive this time. I'm still working my way through season one of the awesome "Killjoys".
The show features three spacefaring bounty hunters. Dutch (female) is the team leader, her partner is Johnny, and at the start of the series they rescue Johnny's estranged brother D'avin who joins the team.
Johnny tells D'avin that Dutch is family, like his sister, and not to sleep with her.
In episode 7, D'avin and Dutch sleep together but D'Avin goes Winter Soldier rogue, a past military experiment coming back to haunt him. While out of his mind he beats Dutch badly, and when Johnny returns to the ship, stabs his brother.
Everyone survives, D'avin is presumed cured and cannot be triggered again.
In episode 8 however everything is not back to normal.
Johnny is still angry with D'avin - not for the stabbing but for all the times he has betrayed Johnny's trust including sleeping with Dutch. Because now the team is broken and his family is damaged and it's worse because of that.
While Johnny does some soulsearching, Dutch and D'Avin find themselves trapped in a team bonding exercise on the ship. Dutch can't hate D'Avin. She knows he is a victim too. But she can't just forgive him, can't just forget what he did to her and Johnny, can't click her fingers and trust him implicitly again.
Episode 9 will bring the team fully back together, I believe. But that previous episode was a gift. It is rare to see this in any show. There is actual emotional fallout from something, there are consequences to actions, there are issues to be worked through. There are things that are people's faults and things that are not their fault, and it all takes time to work through.
If you're not watching, check this show out. Great female characters - Dutch and numerous recurring and guest characters, plenty of humour and action.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Hey guys... can I ask a favor again? I'm hitting a low point again- my mood swings are getting worse and I'm just kinda in the dark right now... could you maybe leave me nice things to wake up to? Sorry, I know it's kinda stupid- but I really do appreciate it...
Recently I've been really drained. I'm not much for talking or really saying much at all. I know I have messages from a couple different people, and an ask or two, but I really just can't right now... I love you, and I'm sorry.
