Mar 7, 2021
Coworker: hey want to share some cookies my mom made
Me: *takes a bite*
Me: these cookies should be illegal. I'm very disappointed.
Me: *eats four*
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Coworker: hey want to share some cookies my mom made
Me: *takes a bite*
Me: these cookies should be illegal. I'm very disappointed.
Me: *eats four*
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Retail Highlight
OH SHIT I ALMOST forgot this GODDAMN GOLDEN moment from work this afternoon.
This lady... dear god. This lady comes into to return a bag of fucking corn chips. Like salsa chips, whatever the fuck you want to call them. (And they’re like, less than 2 fucking dollars.)
Her reason is this. “They’re Gluten-Free and I don’t buy anything that’s Gluten-Free.”
THEY’RE FUCKING CORN CHIPS!? ALL CORN CHIPS ARE GLUTEN FREE!? Ya know ‘cause they’re made with FUCKING CORN!?
(And the bag itself was specially marked gluten-free so as to capitalize on this gluten marketplace bullshit. I fucking hate the food industry so much.)
a guy came into work today asking if we had “beneful”... (he meant benefiber, seeing as we’re a pharmacy and we don’t sell dog food)
Sometimes when I’m cashiering in the froyo place and a kid comes through with a giant order, I’ll expect the parent to be annoyed, but they’ll just make a joke. And then they’ll laugh. And their kid will laugh. And they’ll just go on their way and I’ll be like
“Oh yeah, some parents don’t guilt their kids for things like costing money and eating food. So that’s what a healthy relationship looks like.”
Today’s work highlight was seeing a little kid get super excited over a plastic spoon. He was like, “It’s blue! Can I keep this?” And I was like “Sure.” And his eyes went so wide. Kids.
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I showed two grown men how to tie a bow-tie today
The challenge of not having lady friends who are into sports as much as I am
They're usually pretty accommodating, often if it's hockey, but they're not the type to go out of their way to watch the Super Bowl or a hockey game. T-Money has been a good sport over the years the most (har dee har har).
So, I sent the following email to them. I've started a tradition of writing this exact style: paragraph stating the event, bullet points to convince them attempting to be clever, follow up with a thank you offering.
"They've done studies, you know. 60% of the time, it works every time."
Because in my office they say to me all the time "well, you're young"...
...they all come up to me with their various cell phones and ask me questions about how to use them. At least once a week.
I have now successfully worked out/fixed/basic trained on basically everything. I'm clearly in the wrong line of work.