#work conflict

So... I guess I somehow forgot that my pasty white ass does not mix very well with the fucking sun:

Related answer:

can you talk about managing people + dealing with politics, especially in the workplace? 

You as well. On navigating office politics if you work in a shark tank, a few thoughts:

Align with your direct manager. The person who writes your performance review is the person who has the greatest impact on your career. Joe Schmoe the junior accountant or Jane Doe the paralegal can gossip and complain all they want but they have no direct control over your work load, hours, projects, promotion, and salary. Make sure that of all your work relationships, the one with your manager is the strongest and healthiest.

Focus on what’s best for the business and its goals. If you’re making the company a lot of money, hitting all your sales goals, producing the best art work, pumping out quality research results, making clients happy, etc. it creates a strong shield to protect you against office politics because you bring measurable value to the organization. Even if your boss gets muscled out due to politics, another leader will jump in to bring you on their team.

Be Switzerland. Meaning, stay neutral. Listen to multiple points of view, but refrain from talking or contributing to the gossip. Anything you say may be used against you in the future so keep your mouth shut. People want to be heard when they’re unhappy so listen to their complaints, understand their concerns (for your knowledge and for historical context), throw a little empathy in there (fake or not), and then change the topic to something more positive and carry on with business as usual. Don’t refuse to work with someone, don’t sabotage projects, and don’t participate in anything that negatively impacts the company because that can result in termination. It’s better to be disliked and socially ostracized than unemployed– popularity doesn’t pay bills.

Related answer:

What other qualities do you look for in a job before you accept? What should we be aware of before we accept an offer?

The classic case of the bad boss is the number one cause of misery in the workplace.

To answer the question, no, I’ve had bad managers with poor leadership and poor communication skills but not someone who tried to outright to sink my career. The relationship between you and your direct manager is the most important relationship to manage because this person has the power to make work life tolerable or miserable. Managers control the delegation of tasks/projects plus performance reviews which influence promotions and raises. They can really screw with your schedule, your money, your work-life balance, your career trajectory, and your mental health. With that said, there are some things to try.

First, here’s what generally won’t work:

Talking shit about your boss to your colleagues in order to stage a “mutiny.” Your colleagues won’t fight for you and you’ll probably make the situation worse.

Fighting your boss for “dominance.” An employee trying to fight their boss in their boss’ team while being employed by their boss is like a student trying to fight a professor in the professor’s class while taking the professor’s class. You can’t win and you’ll probably get fired.

Slacking off to spite your company/boss. You’ll ruin your work reputation, inflict more work on your team (and piss them off in the process), and then you’ll definitely get fired.

Reporting your boss to their boss. If those two are friends, that won’t work and it’ll only result in gaining a second enemy that has more power than your boss.

Considerations:

Evaluate the situation. Are you sure your manager is threatened by your potential/ability or is there something wrong with your behavior? As a rule of thumb, high-performing employees are like superstar athletes on a sports team and managers tend to love them because they help the team win. Why would a coach try to sabotage their star athlete? That’s like shooting Michael Jordan or Cristiano Ronaldo before the championship game. Ask yourself:

Do you have a history of problems with authority figures? Think outside of work to teachers, professors, parents, etc.

When you disagree with an authority figure, how do you express yourself? Are you aggressive and combative or calm and collaborative?

If a decision is made that you disagree with, do you commit to that decision, be a team player, and help the team succeed? Or do you resist, try to sabotage the effort, and throw a fit because your way wasn’t chosen?

If the answers are yes, the issue may be you. Do some self-reflection or the problem will repeat itself in the next job. If structure and authority are persistent issues– and they were for me when I was younger– get skills and education in fields where you can be your own boss.

Remember that no one likes being told what to do, but college students don’t graduate and instantly become CEOs who call the shots. People need to work their way up the ladder until they reach a position where they have power and control to make important decisions. This is why career acceleration was one of my biggest priorities when I was younger– I didn’t want to stay very long in positions where other people told me what to do, I wanted to become a boss as soon as possible. Even with my accelerated career trajectory, there were years when I had to work under leaders that I disagreed with and that I felt were highly incompetent. I found a way to get along with them and they eventually became my advocates.

Repair the relationship. Are there opportunities to fix the relationship? As a rule of thumb, managers like to look good, and they like even more team members and colleagues who can help them look good. Are there any projects or goals that you can take on to build goodwill with your manager? Ask yourself:

What are this person’s highest priorities and how do they define success? Find ways to help and bring value. If it’s sell more X, then sell more X. If it’s write more reports, then write more reports.

What are their major pain points? If it’s a certain task, volunteer to take it off their plate. If it’s a meeting, ask if you can lead it. If it’s a client or account, strategize how to solve problems.

This reframes the relationship from combative to collaborative. If you can make someone’s life easier, they’re easier to win over. If you help your superior so well that they get promoted, there may be an opportunity for you to also get promoted to fill their previous position.

Transfer laterally. Explore opportunities in another teams in the organization. Network with other leaders by helping with side projects and initiatives. This builds relationships and serves as a mini-interview to expedite the process.

Sometimes I feel that what people major in or get a degree in is something those people had or have problems with in their personal life.

The running gag for Psychologists is that they are the ones that tend to need the most therapy.

I see the same in Communication majors. Those that study communication often are the ones that have the most difficulty communicating, whether that be learning when to hold their tongue, have problems speaking in public, or their story telling runs around like spaghetti.

I'm one of those people. Sometimes I don't know when to shut it or how to effectively navigate the perilous business vernacular and social system.

Sometimes I want to be honest and say, "look man, you keep f*ucking up and I'm tired of doing all your work for you. Stop pretending to be incompetent and get your shit done" but you can't professionally say that.

Still, sometimes I do. I barked at my coworker today in a team chat. I had conversations with him about the subject before, in private, but he disregarded it. Today when he didn't respond on private chat, I called him out on our team chat. I told him that we had been give directions by the boss and he didn't comply so I had to fix his error and I'm not the problem here. That was my response to his response to the original message (there I go with that verbal spaghetti)

The original message was in response to a mistake that he made. Without the fix we can't move forward with that account. He had been asked by the customer, me and my other coworker for the past 3 days. The original message told him what I did to make it easier for him to fix it but also asked him to be careful when reviewing and changing info. This is all stuff that he should already know but after he said he didn't care and wanted me to fix it while reprimanding me for making more work for him (when literally he makes more work for everybody else), I lost my s*** and barked at him. Instant regret.

I stand by what I said and any reprocussions, I know I can handle, yet I'm left with an uncomfortable feeling in my stomach as I know that it put him on the spot and that's uncomfortable, plus it jeopardized our ability to communicate effectively as a team and created additional tension. Though I apologized later in the day and we talked about the issues, I imagine he will still hold on to it, forgiveness is hard to do especially when trust is violated.

Still part of me is not content. I had talked to him in the past on multiple occasions and he always and still said the same things. I don't expect any improvement with him but I definitely need to work on myself.

You can't change others but you can change how you react to them and what you say and do in reply.

Adding this to my Adulting Bucket List:

* Communicate more effectively to others

* Don't stress the small stuff

* Check credit score regularly

* Learn to change a tire

* Apologize when your wrong

* Eat some green food each day.

* See things from other people's perspectives helps you humanize them and empathize, try it.

* Learn some communication tips for work conflict.

Non-Violent Communication at Work: What We Learned in Our August 2021 Discover You Events The potential for conflict exists in all workplaces—yes, even the ones where people are genuinely committed to sustaining a kind and caring culture.

Maybe it’s the lousy Smarch weather, maybe it’s the tease of of spring that came and went way too quickly. At any rate, the amount of work that needs to be done–and the time allotted to complete it–seems to be at an imbalance of late. And it’s not just me. Workfront’s latest report on the State of Enterprise Work shows that it’s true, too. Here are the key findings of the report:

39%– the…