#woop.

someone at the main gaming club I go to told me I always have cool shirts :’))))

headcanon. I think this doesn't really need saying because I've been putting it into my writing for years now, but the main thing I wanted to tackle in terms of Gin's motivations was the whole argument the fandom tended to have about him 'throwing his life away for a piece of a soul/revenge' because it's deeper than that. At the core, behind that anger and bloodlust, there's grief. Grief that it even happened in the first place, grief because he's mourning her loss, yes -- but he's also grieving his own loss. His loss of his childhood, his loss of his self, the things he thought he was so ready to throw away for this goal ---- and how he now can't ever find it again, or believes that to be true at least. And at the very bottom, at that very very center, there's guilt because he blames himself for it happening in the first place. I've tackled the idea of 'survivor's guilt' and that concept with Gin witnessing, at a very young age, a traumatic thing -- and then caring for the victim of that traumatic thing all while internalizing the trauma she's now repressed. Rangiku, by all means, is conveyed as a person who has to some extent forgotten what happened that day. But Gin hasn't. Gin is rooted there, remembering always. He's trapped. He's trapped himself. He feels guilt because Gin thinks it should have been him, he should have gotten some of his soul taken because ---- and this is in retrospect, too ---- he's a captain now, he had power to spare all coiled up and locked inside of himself, surely they should have taken from him instead of her. It's the bargaining stage of grief that gets Gin the most, the whole 'if they had just taken me instead, then it would've been okay' -- and then the anger at himself for being so powerless, for being too slow and not arriving sooner, not finding her there before those men picked at her like vultures. Gin wishes he could've protected her, which also fuels and explains why he became so incredibly strong and blasted through the Academy with a reputation for Shinso to match. Discovered and mastered his Shikai within a single year, and likely shot to lieutenant ranking right after Shinji and co. were exiled. That's motivation -- but it's the sort that also explains why he didn't take on Hollowfication like Tousen did. Gin wanted to do this within his own power, he wanted it to be by his own hand, which touches back on the whole vengeance thing, making it 'personal' but more importantly, it's Gin trying to right a wrong he feels directly responsible for.

Gin's restricted by the narrative of Bleach an awful lot because he's meant to be a side character and his betrayal of Aizen and subsequent death were meant to be a shock-value twist to reveal at the edge of the arc's final climax between Ichigo and Aizen, so of course he couldn't conventionally protect his loved one(s) like other protagonists can. I don't resent Tite for throwing Rangiku into dangerous scenarios, like Ayon's attack, and not showing us even a glimpse of a reaction from Gin because he was trying to not foreshadow (or simply didn't think that much about it) but I think it'd be a disservice to say Gin didn't care with all of his heart he claims he doesn't have anymore just because he didn't leap through Yamamoto's flames to come to her rescue.

But anyways, I digress. He carries guilt with him, and he weaponizes it too -- he grew up internalizing this trauma and coiling in on himself to hide his feelings so that they weren't used against him. He saw these adult figures, like Shinji, try and then harshly fail (while also getting their loved ones hurt/nearly killed) while trying to stop Aizen. That also adds to his resentment, his grief; if I wasn't strong enough, why didn't someone else help? Why didn't someone else save her, why didn't someone else notice where things were going, what Aizen was doing? Where were you when children were getting drained into dust? That's another way Gin lashes out whilst internalizing his guilt; I was there, I was there and I watched them turn to dust before, and now I'm standing here beside the man who's making it happen, the one responsible, and I'm once again powerless and helpless to stop it. Contributing to the issue that began his entire descent, not by wicked sadism, but because he couldn't exactly make a quick grab for Kyoka Suigetsu and hope Aizen wouldn't obliterate him on the spot. There's a helplessness and doomedness that I try to give Gin without downright victimizing him --- because he isn't the victim. He is a victim, he is arguably groomed and molded into a deadly weapon because Aizen wanted him to be the one to challenge and perhaps downright kill him all to succeed in his transcendental evolutionary process. He's a victim of not having a childhood, of becoming a child soldier and having a kill count before he even broke puberty. Gin is a victim to his own isolation, he's internalized so much and hasn't felt safe for even a moment's worth to ever convey that weakness -- in one part because he just generally doesn't feel it's safe to open up about this, but on the other part it's specifically the nature of Aizen being able to eavesdrop on any conversation (which he's canonly shown doing back with Shinji, too, and the other ways he monitored Ichigo and the Hollow he experimented on). Gin made a huge life-altering decision in a blizzard one day as a kid, after murdering three men, because he wanted to right a wrong. Gin now can't turn back, the moment he killed the Third Seat of the Fifth Division in front of Aizen -- he was past the point of no return. You cannot gain the interest and curiosity -- not to mention eventual trust -- of Aizen Sousuke without getting tied down to that life.

Can you draw my Mafia Cowboy Papyrus named Olio? (His hat is a cross between a Cowboy hat and a Fedora)

Lol hey well I appreciate the requests still! Gettin my experience and knwoledge up-

it’s  ten  am  and  cloud  feels  like  he  has  much  better  things  to  do.  better  things  as  in  sleeping  rather  than  being  called  in  for  a  very  important  job  (  as  his  father  says  )  and  losing  more  hours  of  sleep  than  he  already  has  thus  far.  lately  sleep  isn’t  something  he  gets,  and  he  talks  about  it  quite  often.  so  the  guilty  look  on  his  father’s  face,  he  feels,  is  revenge  on  its  own.  it  still  earns  a  scowl  given  from  cloud,  because  quite  frankly  he  feels  like  he  earned  it  this  time  --  even  if  he  didn’t  really  need  a  reason  anymore,  it  was  his  natural  state  of  face.  the  scowl  deepens  as  his  father  explains,  this  one  gets  a  discount.  and  why ?  special  case.  cloud  had  rolled  his  eyes,  shoulders  tense,  irritation  high.  the  shop  already  lost  so  much  money  because  of  these  ‘ special  cases ’ .  what  was  it  now?  another  friend  of  his  fathers?  bullshit.  

boots  hit  the  cement  floor  heavy  as  he  leaves  the  office,  full  aware  he  was  about  to  rip  some  guys  ass  off  as  soon  as  he  set  eyes  on  him.  this  was  how  cloud  liked  to  do  it  --  meet  with  the  client  and  get  a  real  feel  for  what  they  want  done  to  their  vehicle,  leaving  no  room  for  mistakes.  cloud  was  the  best  after  all.  except  as  soon  as  he  enters  the  shop  and  takes  notice  of  who  he  was  looking  at,  he  stops  dead.  the  moment  lasts  too  long,  seconds  turning  into  hours,  and  days,  and  months  --  he’s  not  sure  how  long,  it  drags  on  forever.  a  rainy  day,  a  promise  made... his  chest  ached. 

“  zack.  ” 

Gladmoon Week | Day 7 | Free Day: Gladiolus | Infatuation

[AO3]

A click. A flash. A change in pose.

Smile. Stand still. Look serious. Gaze away.

He moves left. She moves right. And his camera captures all in between.

This in essence, was their relationship. A photographer and his subject.

But when the house lights turn back on she’s quick to shed the mask; the fluorescents revealing not a model, but just Moon. And she was all too happy to do just that.

She skips over to him once he says they’re done and when she stops he notes how inquisitive and dark her eyes really are without the catchlight. How her freckles appear in multitudes without a diffuser. And how her glossed lips excitedly move in rapid succession.

None of this would never allow for a proper photo.