#widower arc

one of the really fun things about the s13 widower arc is how once cas comes back, dean really does snap out of his literally suicidal depression. and then during the rest of the season, as they lose jack and face a bunch of setbacks and get further from saving mary, sam starts to fall into despair and hopelessness and defeatism. but dean never does, even as he gets desperate and scared and angry at himself he never falls back into that hopelessness. because something is different after 13.06 that makes life worth living. which could mean nothing

this widower arc is going to DESTROY me isn’t it. the way dean couldn’t even say the words cas is dead. how he immediately got his hopes up when that angel told him jack could do almost anything and his first thought was if he could bring cas back (he didn’t even need to say it we just instantly knew because that is what he wants more than anything). and his prayer was just devastating, from “we’ve lost everything” to “bring him back”. because cas was his everything i am unwell. him going through the stages of grief from anger to bargaining to depression. cas is haunting the narrative from the moment he’s gone it’s so clearly at the forefront of dean’s mind he just wants his husband back. and when he uncovered cas’ body FUCK the way he could barely look at him. having to take a deep breath as he tied him up. and his face as they watched the bodies burn, all the life drained from his eyes :( i know cas will come back but it’s still so heartbreaking to see dean go through this again. just stab me honestly it would hurt less