#why please

I want to write but I feel like I've barely touched chapter 4 in weeks and I thought this was going the be the easiest chapter because I had the most already written, but it feels like pulling teeth to get the words out (why can't I just Matrix this thing out of my brain? that technology should exist by now, right??). Everything I wrote in the past was only ever a one-shot, so this chapter to chapter thing is a new beast.

And it feels like there wasn't as much feedback on chapter 3 which, I legitimately haven't been worried about one way or the other up to this point, but suddenly this morning brain is like, "But what if...you did care." Maybe because it was the first really smutty chapter and I just wanted it to be good and I don't know if it was but listen friend, we are in our 40s and I do not appreciate feeling this way can you chill, please?

At least I know at this point in life that feelings wax and wane and I'll eventually move through it and continue writing eventually, but if this was LiveJournal I might be feeling *blank* or *emo*? (Didn't that used to be an option?) Oh man, if I still used LJ I would absolutely make a custom Andy mood theme.