#whoisthere

This week has been so rough in so many ways, it really feels like what can go wrong, has gone wrong. Not to say that everything is bad, it’s just so much all at once. Some people are lucky to have a lot of people and family who love them, and who are always there. I have a few of those, who aren’t even blood related to me. 

Just because someone is family by blood, if it’s toxic, it doesn’t mean they need to be in your life. If family isn’t there for you to support you, who even are they to you? I am realizing more how alone I am in that aspect, that the people who actually care about me live in my house, and a few close friends. This isn’t meant to be a “woe is me” post, I’m hurt and don’t know what else to do. I wish I could up and move away from everything and everyone. 

I knew a long time ago that a lot of people will be disappointing, and won’t always care as much as you do. I’ve always tried to see the best in people, even when they didn’t deserve it. I’ve been hurt by people who I thought were better, even ones I got “used to” being disappointed by. I tell myself it’s stupid to be upset when they hurt me again, like it’s not okay to feel that way. How dumb is that, that I’ve trained my brain this way?

Things are up in the air at my current job, there are a lot of layoffs going around, I think I will be safe but you never know. My parents have joined what I consider to be a religious cult, and I feel like I barely know them anymore. None of my family makes the effort to see each other, and nothing ever changes no matter how many times I tried to fix things. Both my sisters are supposed to be moving here and I’ll still probably never see them.