#whatatwat

NO!! Most of @TeamSky, including @GeraintThomas86, are taken out by a police motorbike 😱 #Giro100 pic.twitter.com/iPJg7iXo4K

— Eurosport UK (@Eurosport_UK)

May 14, 2017

An inanimate object at the side of the road in the Giro has today caused the entire population of Anglophonic cycling fans to bemoan the state of the sport, Ocelot Gruber reports.   

Dozy Dutchman Wilko Kelderman careened into a stationary police moto and caused the Team Sky to come down like skittles including their aspiring Giro winner Geraint Thomas as well as Orica team leader Simon Yates.

As Gallic and Italian fans and commentators merely shrugged and said ‘bof!’ fat middle aged men in Team Sky replica kits were spraying vitriolic spittle at their screens throughout the hemispheres.  Decrying the sheer futility of a Universe where a peloton of riders used to traversing several hundred kilometers of roads of uncertain quality, on varied terrain, and with a typical medley of drunk and insane fans positioned at key points to ensure maximum danger per stage, might be expected to navigate around a motorbike that was at the extreme left of the road and outside the white line, some even demanded that the race was neutralised to afford Geraint Thomas the chance to lose to a tiny wizened Colombian climbing phenomenon on his own terms.  

Some horrendously biased people might suggest that in trying to blame the policeman that Chad Haga-Kelderman’s Giant Sunweb teammate-might himself be trying to divest blame away from their own culpability.  In search of balance, Bedlam.cc sought out the jacket that caused Peter Sagan’s infamous Paris Roubaix pileup to ask its opinion on the incident:

https://twitter.com/petosagan/status/848891489153404928

Video that shows my crash at the @RondeVlaanderen was caused by a jacket that caught my left arm. These things happen in races (@Seal_jobs) pic.twitter.com/ZcTorQaG6X

— Peter Sagan (@petosagan)

April 3, 2017

OG:  As a jacket draped over a barrier, you understand well the challenges of being a stationary roadside hazard during a cycling race, and you played a big role in this year’s Paris Roubaix.  What’s your view on the matter?

Jacket:  Well, in fairness it was my purchaser-a fat Belgian man called Giles-who draped me suggestively over the barrier.  He sweats a lot at any temperature over 10 degrees so I don’t really understand why he needs me but I digress-what I’m saying is that I can’t take all the credit for bringing down Peto. 

OG:  I see.  I admire your candour.  Peter was gracious enough to suggest that your decision to latch onto his bars was just part of racing.  What did you think about that?

Jacket:  Well he’s not wrong, is he?  He’s Peter fucking Sagan.

OG:  But in this instance, should a versatile human with two eyes and a swivelling neck-used to avoiding the merest obstacle on the road-be expected to take evasive action around a stationary object, at the extreme left of the road, or should the race have been neutralised to ensure Thomas's continued relevance?