#what'snext

To add: MorningMeeting with the book is coming up soon, and hopefully it’s review! Let’s knock it outta here guys!!

Make a step, take a jump Into the great Vortex Don't be shy, not a lump, Dare to face what is next? *** Prends l'élan, saute dedans, Plonge dans le grand Vortex C'est très simple, pas complexe N'hésite pas, en avant ! Pencil doodle on A6 sketchbook / Porte-mine sur carnet A6

Info ou intox :) ?,

This year has surprised me. In fact every year does. And that makes me so happy, weirdly. I mean I still get my share of challenges and difficulties, but when I look at the other things besides those, I do for real feel a sense of gratitude that sometimes life is unexpected. That sometimes the things I really wished and hoped for didn’t come true. Or even better - things I hadn’t even imagined would happen, happened. It’s crazy. It makes me think that maybe right now, I may be going through something really crappy. Which I am. I’m going through a low-point. Not rock bottom - but I’m not exactly on top of the world either. BUT, there might be something just around the corner waiting to take place. Something exciting or life-changing which I will be thankful for. Or that what I’m going through right now might even be the catalyst or a factor for something that will change me forever in a good way. When you think about it that way, life isn’t so bad. It gives you hope. Which I think we all need right now

It's the first Sunday since I have quit my job. It's 10:00 pm and I'm lying on the bed trying to figure things out. There are question marks inside my mind about what's the next move for me but at least I'm released of the anxiety of Monday morning and the indignation of another week of slavery. What's next for me? I don't know. Will I be able to carry the weight of this life on my shoulder? Am i going to find my own path to freedom at the same time? One thing is for sure I rather starve than to work as a slave in this man made society.

3 years. 3 good years of love and fighting. our relationship was with only those words — love, fight, giving up, trying and love again. Sorry. If I became so weak and unable to pick myself up. Not even wanting you to help me out. Sinapak kung takut na ilaban pa uling king sakit na ning mengalabas a milyari. Balu ku, mipalyaring apin na ita ing tatalwi para kekata. Uli na ring sinabi ta. Kadwa deng tawung makapaligid kekata. Ding pengari mu, kaluguran mu, kaluguran ku, kaluguran ta, pamilya ku (gampa rugung ala lang balu). Malamang, king banda mu, alwa na aku ing tawung buryanan da para keka. Pasensya naka nung mepagal ku. Tawu ku mu. I can only do so much. Sabi mu kaku, sinukuan mu itang "Kasalanan ku pa yan?" I want you too to remember kung bakit kata miras ketang makanita. Sisisihan mu ku, kng bage na... ali ku naman din kaburyan. Na eka makapanintun work mu. Sasabyan mu kaku, tang sakit dadalan mu pa kaya eka makapantun work. etc., Aldoldo, maliban ketang sasangkan mu kaku ita, I kept on blaming myself too. Anya eku balu nunh makananu makabawi keka. Na kahit pilang besis mu ku pang e paniwalaan na agyu mu, at makapantun ka, go parin. Ang hirap mag galit galitan habang sinisisi yung sarili. Haha. Mag aaway tayo. Ang sakit. Grabe! Nakakabasag yung mga salita. Then I started asking myself. Kung deserve ku pa ba? Kung worth it ku pa. Kung maniwala ka pa ba. Nyang minessage mu kung monthsarry ta, eku balu nung nanung sabyan ku. Haha. Mixed emotions. Kasu mas mengibabaw kaku itang, takot na naman. Puro na lang takot. Mewalan kung tiwala. King love, king sarili ku, kng capability ku para lugud din. Feeling ku, eku na agyu. Feeling ku, ala nakung lugud a abye. Megisan. At eku buring magisan ita. Manasakit ka e. MAS manasakit ka. You have no idea how does that kill me. Haha. After all the pain that I've caused and gave you. Buri ku man, oneng eku rin agawang bawian ngan ing anggang sakit ayan. Ni eku man balu bung worth it ku pa ba keng pain na yan. This might not matter now. Isipan ku, nung sakali man na buryanan mung aku pa, siguru ali pa ngeni. Baka pota namung mas okay tana. Tang meg hilum na ngan ing anggang sakit at ala tanang balikan at isumbat pa. Tang etana mipanyangkanan. Tang agyu ta nang umamin na migkamali tamu. Tang mas matured tana. Tang agyu tana. Tsu naku keng age na, ena mamyalungan (balu mu yan). Ing stage na, pang matagalan a relasyun at pang future na ing dapat para kaku/kekata. I did not and I am not looking for another love. Ni eke nga a-imagine ing sarili ku na, in love na nman. I mean with somebody else. Eku balu kung ganu kalwat ining makanini ku. Sabi ku naman, we never know what future holds. Eku rin naman pweding e makyasawa at makanita ka din, in time. Haha. Anang kasakit. Tutu man. And it will hit me even harder and more painful pag one day, akit dnakang atin bayu. And I have to accept that it's part of it. Or baka pwedi rin, baka aku pa. Charot! Mabyasa tana sana kareng milyari at mag grow kareng pagkakamali. Next time, mas agyu tana. Na kahit nanu man ing datang, akakit ku na. Ala tanang e agyung harapan. I want you to be that someone to somebody. Even if not with me anymore. Sorry talaga. And sorry if I can't stand on what I've said on edanaka kulitan ulit. Masakit. But I know, I have to tell you this. Gang eku balu ng ending. I don't want to settle with what ifs. Ingat ka. Love, Mareng, 2013

I lied to my best friend and love…and i have no other excuse other than I’m selfish and scared. My words are hard to find right now. In one way ill say i’m glad it came out, i now see that if it waited for later it would’ve hurt more than ever and i don’t know if we would have gotten back up from it. its out now. Southern Man now knows everything about me. I want to stay positive, say this is something God can turn and make good. I want to feel Him hug me tight and whisper that it will be okay. I am different, even though the picture of the girl i once was still hangs high and all her flaws are still seen when people stop to look, i’m not and will never be her again. I’m tempted though to let my heart turn to the wilderness mindset of doubting, but my God is bigger than my worries. Before i would have let this cut me deep, instead i feel content. Odd i guess to feel tht way but i do. I’ve settled with my mistakes and fully believe im forgiven, our sins always have consequences in the end some have a price little to nothing and others cost us utmost suffering but with His help we can push through and still continue on. God blessed me with a soft heart of Southern Man, no dissappearing, no ignoring…..just alot of hurt, love and pressing forward hand in hand, ending in a stronger bond than i could have ever thought or asked for. No it hasn’t been easy, its still a tender spot for us, but we are fighting to go forward! We’re ending up with not just being closer but a bit more molded, adjusted, grown, deeper hope. I feel that this suffering really was taken from us and shaped into something to propel us forward, and forced us to think upon whats ahead, and with that our own hearts renewed with a fresh look on the love we share. I started to look closer back to the events of our story, God is so present in the corners, forming and molding, aligning and encouraging, in the smallest but the most impactful ways! My God is so good, lil ol me messy and quriky He would come along side me to write such a amazing story. Yes its a messy story one with my own childish scribbles intact but i wouldnt trade it for any other. Adventures are like that crazy, confusing and unknown, but isnt that why we take them? The moment i told Southern Man i thought i had lost that story, the one i had started to want and desire, but in the end, my King truly has that pen, because thats whom i put my trust in. Whos hand i lay my life and heart. I do truly believe Southern Man will be a child of God very soon. I do believe that this is the man God has been helping me prepare for the one that He allowed me to walk through the hurt so He could guide me to this point. Last sunday i was calling out to God with Southern Mans name on my tongue, as you can guess i often do. I was standing and praising arms lifted enjoying my Kings love drenching me. Than it was like a wave, the whisper i love so much even now my eyes are welling my heart feels a soft pressure of overwhelming desire. The whisper was so strong i had to sit down. There was a testimony that had come forth talking about someone being saved, and what stuck out to me was the phrase “it takes time” it kept playing in my head over and over. Than I feel His hug, “my love it takes time, it takes time. But…that time is soon, very soon. My beloved! My son is coming back to me! Soon!” There was a suddon rush in my spirit. The realization that i was excited to see Southern Man love the King, but how much more expectant was He? The One who Loves more than can be expressed. These are moments i hold on too, when the people around me ask if i really know, did i hear right? Yes, yes i did. I know who i am in Him more than i ever have before and its growing each day. Theres no turning back from that. The wilderness just looks less and less glamorous, showing the true state of it, excatly what it is called. A wilderness. A desert, a trap, a dry cricle. I hope that with this random all over post i encourage you, that you, yes you darling person that the King adores, that you know He talks to you. That if ur suffering God has something ahead and your not alone. Suffering can bring a great adventure, one that later when you look back, you’ll be so gratful God didnt let you give up.