#weightshaming

*Insert compliment here*, KASO MATABA.

This is a loooong post, brace yourselves.

I am not one to actually rant online but this has just gone far enough— this goes out to everyone, not just people I know or people who know me, either personally or just online.

Yes, I know I’ve gained weight for the last few years. I’ve started gaining weight when I entered college and I’ve grown more after I graduated. Yes, I am aware of my weight and YOU DON’T HAVE TO KEEP REMINDING ME EVERY TIME WE SEE EACH OTHER. May salamin din po kami sa bahay. I tried tolerating these harsh comments for the first few months, then later, came years. I never wanted to talk back in my defense because I respect others’ opinion of me, even when it hurts. A lot. Especially when these comments come from people who you share the same blood with. Letting each comment pass isn’t easy. It’s not as easy as saying, “hayaan mo nalang sila”. I wish it was as easy as that.

I studied hard and exerted extra effort in my academics to excel in school and hopefully, make up for my weight. I wish people saw and appreciate my accomplishments more than my apparent weight gain.

“Matalino nga, kaso mataba.”

After graduation, I worked hard to prove my skills and talents. I wanted to be recognized for my success but instead, I got compared to somebody else thinner.

“Successful nga ‘yan, pero mataba. Buti pa si ano, payat.”

You have no idea how painful it is to be compared to another person— much more if you’ve known that person for so long you never even thought about comparing yourself to that person.

I don’t get it.

Does weight really determine the value of a human being? Does weight determine who you are as a person? What did my lunch or dinner ever do to you that makes it your top concern that I gained weight? Do you get anything from making fun of my weight? Does it give your ego any satisfaction at all?

Please let me know so I could attend to your concerns appropriately.

To be honest— yes, I’ve tried cutting down on the food I eat but as someone who works in the stressful industry of advertising, I turn to food for comfort. Food is my way of de-stressing and getting back the energy I lost during brainstorming, long meetings, events, and pitch presentations. Cheesy as it sounds but food has been always been there for me when no one else is. I wish I could tell you more about how much I love food (either I’m eating or taking photos of it) but I’ll spare you the corny details. I will assume you won’t get it anyway.

But just to let you know, I am definitely NOT skipping my favorite iced white chocolate mocha from Starbucks, premium chocolate truffle gelato from Gelatofix, four-cheese whopper from Burger King, and especially my spicy salmon sashimi from Kikufuj just to please you. This is my body and I am in charge of what I want to do with it. If you’re so “concerned” about my health, I eat vegetables and drink water too, you know— they’re just not as Instagrammable as pizza so don’t expect them on my social media.

If I ever talked back to anyone to defend myself, I’m sorry if I ever offended you. Please know that you’ve offended me too. “Offended” is an understatement. You’ve hurt me and it just adds up to the depression inside. I hope that you wake up one day with a bit of consideration for others’ feelings. And no, this is not being overly-sensitive. Remember, I’ve held my tongue longer than you think.

I feel you, Bea.

I hope you people learn to compliment without “kaso” or “pero”. I hope you learn not to compare people and pit them against one another just because one’s physical looks aren’t your preference. I hope you learn that there are far more beautiful things to see and appreciate in a person than to focus on his or her weight (or height, complexion, race, etc.).

I repeat, weight does not determine one’s value in this damned world.

And to the people who saw me past my chubby cheeks and huge arms, thank you. You’ve given me the confidence I never thought I’ll have. Thank you for being my source of strength at times the people who are supposed to support me are too busy pointing out how I gained more weight. You all have a place in my heart and I will return the favor someday.

I have more to say, really. But in behalf of everyone else in the same situation as I am, I am ending it with an iconic Bea Alonzo line:

And here’s a photo that may trigger your comments on my weight (again, lol):

~

And I just start glaring at what I’m reading, I get fucking furious.

Because I’ve weighed up to 110 kilos, probably MORE, and been ENTIRELY FUCKING HEALTHY.

Did I weigh too much? Well, obviously, because my knees actually protested when I was out walking. But there was nothing wrong with my body. There wasn’t much fat in the areas where there were major organs, which has been proven to be the DANGEROUS fat. It was my gut and my hips and thighs.

I want to punch people who weigh less than 75 kilos who say that they “have to diet”. I want to punch them, step on a scale and show them how much I weigh. I want to show them that fuck, I’ve weighed 110 kilos and never had a fucking problem with my health. My heart is fine and always has been. Same with my blood pressure. There’s never been anything wrong.

Do you suffer from some sort of disease that means you HAVE to lose weight despite weighing less than 80 kilos? Sure, I won’t say anything. Are you a person who just does it because “WOOO THIN PEOPLE RULE FAT PEOPLE ARE GROSS!”? Get the fuck out of my face, land in a ditch covered in petrol and on fire.

Please kill the idea that weighing more than 70 kilos is to be fat. Please KILL the idea that weighing more than 70 kilos is unhealthy. Because god knows it isn’t always like that. You can be just as unhealthy if you’re thin, you’re just never fucking JUDGED for it. You get a specific treatment for weighing less. 70 kilos is not and never will be  being OVERWEIGHT. Fuck you for trying to make it out to be so. Fuck you for shitting on everyone who is STRUGGLING to lose weight because they weigh SO MUCH MORE than that. Fuck you for invalidating people who are overweight and still healthy because “they’re still fat and therefore must be unhealthy”.