#weightprogress

I remember being on my tennis team with girls of very different shape and height and body type. Their slender forms really made me feel like I couldn’t compete. The moment I remember clearly is being in the lift room with the other girls and they were weighing themselves. I remember them freaking out that they gained weight at 138lbs. They were so unhappy at 138lbs that I didn’t say my weight because I was 142lbs. I was so ashamed. 

I remember being in a relationship and not caring about my weight anymore. I wasn’t on the tennis team anymore so I wasn’t active. I ate out a lot and my mindset was “it’s okay to eat whatever, I’ll just workout to fix it” 

I remember going through a breakup because of another big fight. I remember crying to my friends on the phone and how pathetic it felt. I barely ate; I ate 2 small meals a day and thought I was being healthy because they were fruits and oats. I went from 150lbs to 141lbs in 2 weeks. I was so tired and my period didn’t come until very late. I felt like I was dying. After 2 weeks we got back together and I regained the weight within 3 days. 

I remember weighing myself a few months ago at my highest weight at 160lbs. I was out of my relationship and I binged ate to fill the void. I freaked out. And that WAS NOT the turning point. I still continued to eat without monitoring. I ate so much fatty food constantly and I just didn’t care. 

I remember my friend mentioning starting a fitness blog in June. I remember being excited the week before June started because I felt like this could help. I thought about my bro who did IIFYM and it really worked for him. I remember having some moment of enlightenment. I really accepted that there’s no way IIFYM wouldn’t work because it all just added up. I was at 153.2lbs. I started working at a tennis summer camp. I started lifting. I started running. I started waking up early because I was so excited to start my day. 

Yes, losing weight and achieving fitness goals has given me a confidence boost, but I’m not done. I still have so much to learn. In addition to fitness and nutrition, I have so much to learn about my mental health. It’s one thing to try to be the most attractive person you can possibly be, but it’s a lot fuller when you have a positive personality and try to be a good person. Hearing people being inspired by my status updates and progress to achieve their own health goals has given me so much happiness I could die happy right now. 

Today I’m writing this because I remember being the exact same weight in two very different situations. It’s all about perspective. I remember being 142lbs and thinking how terribly fat I was. I remember being less than 142lbs and having my body shut down on me because I refused food. And now I’m 142lbs feeling like I can take on the world.