To explain how we should engage Web3 problem solving, computer scientist Nicholas Weaver devised what he called the ‘Iron Law of Blockchain’: when somebody says you can solve x with blockchain, they don’t understand x, and you can ignore them. Without exception, the problem with all Web3 projects is that they have little interest and/or capacity to solve real problems. They merely reframe problems. In doing so, Web3 fixes create new sets of crises as an opportunity to launch yet more techno-fixes for profit. Cryptocurrencies are terrible. And we should not cling on in hope that the ‘underlying blockchain technology’ could come in handy for socialists, any more than we should cling to polystyrene balls or mustard gas.