#we hate it

"Writers write for themselves" is the most common, and quite frankly rude, comeback I see when fanfic writers share their frustration at the decline in engagement by readers. No writer spends weeks and months and years working on fics to reach a count of comments; there's simply not enough reward in that (or any reward, why would that even matter?). They might spend days and months and years because they fall in love with some of their readers, and they want to give them all the love in the world, but that's not the same thing. Mostly, though, fanfic writers write because they're passionate about the characters and the universe and oftentimes because the stories appear unbidden in their brains and won't leave them alone until they're jotted down.

However, fanfic writers share because they want to engage with others on the internet, which might hold similar views of the characters or are similarly passionate about the ideas or events or whatever it is the writer is exploring in their story. And when they don't get any engagement, guess what, they start believing that no one else is interested in the stories, so why share? Why put something that makes them feel so vulnerable out there (because yes, sharing one's writing is extremely vulnerable).

But do you know who doesn't need engagement because they never poured their hearts out to begin with? That's right. AI slop. If all you've done is feed a prompt to AI, then of course you don't care if no one engages with your story. Of course, you don't start questioning your own writing abilities, because you've not written anything. So over time, real writers get discouraged and stop posting stories, and AI slop continues to get a higher proportion of stories in the fandom.

As an aside, comments are great to improve quality, just saying! My own experience is that I've pushed to improve my own writing based on the engagement I've had with my readers. Sure, I still write for myself, but I do have a higher standard for what I want to give to others than what I let myself get away with if it's only for my eyes.

I love how cars and vehicles are allowed to have bright and flashing lights. I love how commercials on TV that aren’t skippable are allowed to put in as many flashing lights as they want. Movies and animation and video games. “It’s artistic expression and aesthetic!” they say. I love how the news stations are allowed to show clips of events with huge amounts of camera flashes at any given moment without warning.

I love how no one takes epilepsy and it’s common triggers seriously. I love how people laugh and say “just close your eyes or look away” as if that’s not a part of EEG testing to literally MAKE you have seizures so they can study where in your brain they happen. In other words, that trick doesn’t work. I love how people act like you’re “killing the vibe” when you complain about how your safety is consistently and constantly ignored for the age of vibe and expression.

I love how people leave us out of plans. I love how much we miss out on. I love how most of us aren’t allowed to drive cars. I love how even the most inclusive of places and movements never think to make things accessible for us. I love being talked down to. I love being ignored. I love how nobody cares about us and no place anywhere is safe. I love love love it. It is so much fun. I sure do hope everything stays exactly the same as it is right now, so I’m always ready to shut something off and accept missing out on a seconds notice with no warnings. “Why put the warning? They won’t be able to watch or participate anyways. It’s not for them and they’re used to it anyways.”

I really really love it.

Most of all, I love how there’s no cure. No “fixing it” even with meds. The best medical science can provide right now are meds that help them happen less. I love how seizures can and so still happen even while on meds. I love how nobody cares enough to even know that while meanwhile it’s our whole life.

It’s not fucking soul crushing and damaging not only to my physical health but my mental health too. Not at all.