#walk nuts

DYFA Day in full swing!

It's that time of year again!  No, I'm not talking about "Take Your Idiotcycle to Work Day".  It's only a week away from "Drive Your Fat Ass to Work Day" where the city devotes an entire day to encouraging exclusive single vehicle ridership to work on the streets of San Francisco.

Getting ready for the Annual Drive!

On Thursday, May 16th the annual DYFA begins! San Franciscans are encourages to ditch their walking shoes, throw away their bikes, abandon public transit, and partake in the glory of personal vehicle dominance that has been enjoyed for over a century.  Everyone is welcome, from easily distracted and inexperienced youth, multiple DUI motorists, fender benders, speed demons, to unchecked elderly drivers!  Some sidewalks and the .5% of bicycle infrastructure in the city will be removed and modified to accommodate faster driving speeds and to more free subsidized lockers for cars.

Useless sidewalks become car lockers and extra drive-able space to allow a smooth commute to work.  

Gary Rigmore, advocate for DYFA, said, "People need to be reminded that motorists aren't like walkers or bikers.  We're not mildly annoying where we could bump into you, cause some minor scuffs, or suffer some collateral damage to ourselves in the process.  We are bigger, faster, indestructible  and can KILL you."  Gary's goal is to instill the kind of fear back into the minds of pedestrians and walkers that has been chipped away with bicycle lane and pedestrian safety improvements. The SFPD will help to block off sidewalk traffic and has sent fliers to SF residents to purchase, lease, rent or  borrow cars while the celebration takes place.  Carpooling is strongly discouraged and BART and MUNI will shut down entirely to encourage the combined million passengers to seek more independent modes of transportation.  SFPD has also been asked to be lax with speed limit enforcement, distracted drivers, and parking in bike lanes.  They assured the city that they're experts at this, with decades of topnotch experience uninforcing vehicle laws.

Sidewalks will be closed off to discourage walking and other pathetic modes of commuting. 

Fellow car advocate, blogger, and EIR molester, Bob Gunderson expressed elation. "Everyone knows I don't have to commute to a workplace, and I haven't driven a vehicle in decades, but this kind of car celebration reminds me of the way things used to be, and therefore always should be".  With tear-stained eyes,  Bob then scurried back into his house to resume his lifelong work as blogging shut-in. Local merchants, who typically rely on foot traffic for a size-able chuck of their income, will join in by offering donuts, 60 oz. drinks and hamburgers on the urban freeways.  Many of the them plan to wear brightly colored shirts to avoid a city mandated "don't stand your ground" law passed for the celebration. The ordinance fines walkers and cyclists if they get in the way of vehicles.  Fines will also double for pedestrians that are struck by a vehicle.

Donuts will be offered to motorists, and peds will be corralled in the background so motorists can enjoy eating and driving  to work with little pedestrian distraction.  

In the last month Mayor Lee has decided to enact some of the most far reaching and outlandish pedestrian safety initiatives in decades.

Upgrading 44 miles of streets where injuries are most concentrated, 5 miles per year through 2021;

Giving pedestrians extra crossing time at 800 intersections citywide, at least 160 annually;

Improving safety around schools and senior centers with high pedestrian injury ;

Upgrading 13,000 curb ramps in the next 10 years; and

Targeting police enforcement efforts on the City’s most hazardous corridors and intersections.

Fatalities just waiting to happen....

It's this kind of "anti-car" mentality that will undoubtedly destroy this fair city.  Everyone know that tourists flock to San Francisco so they can explore their god given right to operate a vehicle in a city approx 50 square miles. Not only that, but as this city grows, we're going to need more parking spots, bigger, more spacious roads, and less amenities for foolish things like walking or biking. But there are unintended consequences to such a walknut mentality.  What happens when people start ditching their vehicles with unfettered access and infrastructure that encourages walking and biking more?  What kind of fresh hell will we unleash when pedestrians and bikers have better access to the infrastructure in place?  Here's what you're about to see SF... Smug Pedestrians will cause numerous traffic accidents with their fast walking speeds and blatant disregard for safety. The average adult walks about 3.1 miles per hour, but what happens when wider infrastructure is in place?  Just how fast will these walk nuts go?  Although there's no EIR, I'm sure we'll be seeing headlines like this in the upcoming years"

But this kind of wanton destruction isn't reserved for walkers.  The bikers that currently get a whopping .8 percent of dedicated space on the road, and the SFMTA squanders .46 percent on bike infrastructure.  Imagine what might happen if these bikers get 1%?!  Bikers, with their average speeds of 13-15 mph would turn into speed crazed lunatics!