#voidgremlin

is it guilt ? some kind of punishment or is it a protection.

OK SO it's interesting because it's not really any of those things in either verse - with the exception of protection, actually, I guess that comes into it a lot now I think about it. But let me explain my thoughts on it in each au:

So in Campervan AU, the Doctor's touch aversion is a messy combination of things. A lot of it is actually because she's lowkey autistic, and so touch is very intense for her and she just finds the sensation of skin on skin to be somewhat overwhelming. But then you combine THAT with her fundamental problem with control and it becomes more of an issue. Because she likes to be in control, doesn't like people grabbing her unexpectedly, doesn't like people touching her at ALL - but she can touch other people, if she wants to. We see it in part 4 with Jack, when she gives him a hug because she knows he won't try and hug her back. She has enough control that she's comfortable with it. But she doesn't find much comfort in touch, and thus later in part 4, when Jack seems to want to hug HER, he doesn't because he knows it wouldn't actually help her at all and would probably just overwhelm her more. Of course, her issues with control stem from her childhood (and people who've read this au will probably have clocked that control, or lack of it, is a key theme in this story, and that a lot of Koschei's issues are all about control too). So then when she is expecting touch or feels completely in control (or on very rare ocassions, actually seeking it out) then she can touch people and it's ok. Case in point - Jack grounding her whilst at the hospital, and Ryan at the end of part 3 with the ambulance. It works because touch is intense for her, so it cuts through the noise of her panic attack and provides her an anchor that she trusts, is in control of, and also knows isn't going to grab at her or unexpectedly do something that freaks her out further.

But then in Zombie AU, Theo's touch aversion is all about trauma. She actually liked touch before everything went down - case in point, the flash memories where Koschei touches her show her having zero issue with it and very much being relaxed about it. It's less obvious at this point because we're only four chapters in but as the fic goes on you'll see that Theo's touch aversion means she can't stand touch AT ALL. Even if she was initiating it and completely in control. And it's because of 1) everything that happened in the lab after the isolation chamber exploded and 2) everything that happened in general after the pandemic regarding lots of incidents where she got grabbed or touched in a Bad Way because zombies and desperate survivors but in particular 3) the mass grave incident. Which means when she gets touched? That's a trigger. Unlike for campervan 13 who just has an aversion to it, Theo is very traumatised. She cannot deal with it. She gets vivid flashbacks. And she discusses this a bit with Dan in chapter 3, but it'll become more obvious as thing goes on how it's categorically different to campervan 13's issues - especially when people actually touch Theo hahaha (because of course it's going to happen). I mainly noticed this difference because I read back on some of campervan after finishing zombie au and was just...wigged out by the fact that she actually DOES touch people sometimes! And she can deal with it haha whereas when I was writing Theo, I definitely got into her head a bit and suddenly saw that a LOT of the ways that she approaches things is like...with an extra step that goes in first before EVERYTHING which is "how do I make sure no one is touching me". Campervan 13 does this a little, but she's much more reactionary - if someone reaches out for her, she flinches back. Whereas Theo was already standing out of reach.

Rosemary slowly getting tired of the monitoring, her mom being pursued by the remains of the connection, the government obviously trying to use her and she just want a life like the others, normal.

Unconsciously she recreates her dad. Who just in Ethan fashion arrives to the compound break Mia and Rose out of there. And goes to a road trip with them. Finding somewhere safer.

Ethan doesn’t seems to quite realize he died. Just that he was out of it and he came back and that’s all that matters.

🥺🥺🥺

I am considering it. Like I can definitely imagine Rose getting sick of all the controlling around her. I feel that Mia, especially with her experience with Eveline, would realize that when you practically raise a bioweapon, you have to treat them like a person, not like a weapon. And though Rose is inspired by her father's bravery, and she wants to help, she's just so tired of being used.

I've had this ask in my box for a little while now as I haven't really been sure what I think either! And mulling it over has gotten me nowhere, so let's go stream of consciousness thoughts.

i really like the idea of a time travelling archaeologist, just to start with. it's an inherent paradox, conflict of interest- each renders the other futile- and it takes someone really fascinating to be that.

It adds this extra layer to river as a character- she likes to be different. she puts effort in to that. it's also somehow vulnerable- she has dedicated much of her life to the study of something her spouse and many of the people she has met in her personal life find of limited personal value.

Additionally, it's interesting in relation to her relationship with the doctor. sometimes i see a portrayal of River Song, in canon and fan media, as hopelessly tied up in her love of the doctor- making it the most important thing to her as a character- and I don't care for that. She is an archaeologist- which the Doctor "points and laughs at". She has chosen a niche for herself which the Doctor wants no part of, her work life separate from her personal life. Maybe it was conscious, or subconscious, it's hard to tell. She has made a whole other life for herself that is all and only her own.

And as for her being more suited to being a spy or criminal, of course she totally is. And that's what's so perfect about this- she chooses a field which she may not have as much of a natural aptitude for (though her skills and education in it are certainly high) because she would rather work towards knowledge and preservation, in preserving history for the public, than in hiding away.

look sometimes u read a bunch of hp lovecraft as a teen and u start thinking ‘this is fun and all mr loved crafts but actually as a queer, female-ish mentally ill person i think undescribable alien monsters with tentacles and too many eyes are very cool and sexy actually’ and so when u get into dr whomst and start envisioning your 4-5 season arc, as any normal person would, u take all ur feelings about cosmic horror and mental illness and u dump them into one character

essentially her deal is that she’s a bitchy lesbian who fucks around with things she shouldn’t fuck around with but instead of having the typical lovecraftian protagonist reaction of Going Insane she’s like ‘hm maybe this is kinda cool actually. maybe im ok with being a spooky monster’

For @voidgremlin and the DWFicExchange2020

Prompt: Tardis in the Vortex.

Do you prefer traditional art or digital to relax?