#voice class

I haven’t written one of these in a long time! As I’ve stated before with these posts, I like to highlight even what might be considered the smallest of victories to showcase that this career is a marathon, not a sprint. We will face more small victories than big ones throughout our careers/lives, and while we usually share those big highlights, we need to celebrate little victories, too! 

The little moment I wanted to share happened earlier today. Not sure if I’ve written about it on here in the past, but throughout my time at college I really haven’t done any solo singing performing. I’ve been in voice lessons for three years and really only sing for my voice teacher and the occasional audition. Because of this, I have horrible nerves when it comes to performing. Now when I have to sing, I get so tense that it affects my voice - leaving me obsessed over how I sound and disappointed. Thankfully this semester I’m taking a course that focuses on acting through song. I’ve been DYING to take this class the last few years at school and I was so excited to have time for it in my schedule. For this week, we had to bring in any song we wanted to introduce ourselves to the class. Of course, my nerves started as soon as I read the syllabus. I know that singing is a huge part of the course (which is why I’m taking it to boost my confidence), I was still so nervous to sing in front of other people. I settled on “Home” from Beauty and the Beast as the song has a lot of meaning to me (plus I know that song through and through). Because of my tendency to tense up and choke when it comes to singing, I was sure that I was going to be so upset with how it turned out come class. I ran through the song every day all of last week, praying that my nerves wouldn’t get the best of me. 

Fast forward to this morning. I had butterflies in my stomach all morning and tried my hardest to suppress them. I went to the practice rooms to warm up and run through the song one more time before class so I knew I’d be okay. Of course during one of the runs, my voice started to crack. I figured that this was a result of me thinking too much and overrunning it, leading me to fear that this exact thing would happen. When I log onto class my professor told me that I was going second. By the time it was my turn, I could see my ankles shaking. BUT - I was fine! I got through it! I was a bit shaky in the beginning but all of the moments I was nervous about went fine! For my first time performing in front of a large group of people in a really long time (not to mention over zoom), I was actually satisfied with myself, not to mention proud! 

Swarte-smeked smethes, smatered with smoke,

Drive me to deth with den of here dintes:

Swich nois on nightes ne herd men never,

What knavene cry and clatering of knockes!

The cammede kongons cryen after ‘Col! col!’

And blowen here bellewes that all here brain brestes.

‘Huf, puf,’ seith that on, ‘Haf, paf,’ that other.

They spitten and sprawlen and spellen many spelles,

They gnawen and gnacchen, they grones togidere,

And holden hem hote with here hard hamers.

Of a bole hide ben here barm-felles,

Here shankes ben shakeled for the fere-flunderes.

Hevy hameres they han that hard ben handled,

Stark strokes they striken on a steled stocke.

‘Lus, bus, las, das,’ rowten by rowe.

Swiche dolful a dreme the Devil it todrive!

The maister longeth a litil and lasheth a lesse,

Twineth hem twein and toucheth a treble.

‘Tik, tak, hic, hac, tiket, taket, tik, tak,

Lus, bus, las, das’. Swich lif they leden,

Alle clothemeres, Christ hem give sorewe!

May no man for brenwateres on night han his rest.

This was a recent small moment that occurred a few days ago and I think it’s an important one to share. So I’ve been taking voice lessons with my teacher for about two and a half years. Although I’ve been steadily working at developing a technique, I haven’t done much vocal performance since high school. This has caused me to develop performance anxiety and not be very confident in myself as a performer even though I’ve been working hard and improving. This summer I decided to take an independent study voice class with one of my college’s studio voice professors. I thought it would be a good opportunity to get some new rep and sing in styles that my voice teacher and I don’t really touch on. Leading up to the class and of course on the first day, I was so nervous to sing in front of someone so accomplished and knowledgeable about the voice. The class began with me introducing myself and what vocal work I’ve been doing and what I know about my voice. I was surprised to see that my professor was so happy to see that I knew a lot about my voice and had been working on rep that really fits me at the moment (shout out to my voice teacher!). When I did some vocalization for her she said I’m in a great spot. I was so surprised! 

Who made the world?

Who made the swan, and the black bear?

Who made the grasshopper?

This grasshopper, I mean-

the one who has flung herself out of the grass,

the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,

who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down-

who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.

Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.

Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.

I don't know exactly what a prayer is.

I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down

into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,

how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,

which is what I have been doing all day.

Tell me, what else should I have done?

Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?

Tell me, what is it you plan to do

I went out to the hazel wood,

Because a fire was in my head,

And cut and peeled a hazel wand,

And hooked a berry to a thread;

And when white moths were on the wing,

And moth-like stars were flickering out,

I dropped the berry in a stream

And caught a little silver trout.

When I had laid it on the floor

I went to blow the fire a-flame,

But something rustled on the floor,

And someone called me by my name:

It had become a glittering girl

With apple blossom in her hair

Who called me by my name and ran

And faded through the brightening air.

Though I am old with wandering

Through hollow lands and hilly lands,

I will find out where she has gone,

And kiss her lips and take her hands;

And walk among long dappled grass,

And pluck till time and times are done,

The silver apples of the moon,

The entire cast @ Richard III