#vkl

eventually vash enters the picture as more than knives's psychosexual obsession and sole motivation in life.

he thinks it's a good thing that knives is making friends (plural, given legato has friends (those friends being midvalley, dira, and whoever else i decide i like writing about) and knives kind of gets begrudgingly adopted into the group), but knives making friends means knives is out more often, and knives being out more often means that vash is stuck in their shared bedroom getting frustrated over math all by himself, and it's foreign, and weird, and bad, because knives has always been a constant. and is he getting skinnier? i have to admit i took some arfid/anorexic/bulimic knives inspirstion from peachglumpear's gorgeous college au, "moment of impact." it fits too well, he and legato feeding (LMAO SORRY) into one another's illnesses because nobody else gets it.

and these boys, y'all... their favorite activity is holing up in the bathroom after school and seeing who can cut deeper that day. they murmur to each other about the unjustness of it all. the closer they get the more jealous legato becomes towards vash, because vash is knives's seeming one-and-only, his guiding light. legato feels he will never be that for somebody. knives feels incredibly conflicting things about long, blue hair, golden eyes and tawny skin. he's never thought about another person this much outside of his brother. he finds himself settling into it, made to feel secure by legato's unrivaled devotion, and what started out as purely selfish becomes like having another brother. he doesn't dote on legato, but he starts showing affection and concern similarly to how he would towards vash: by bitching at him. "brush your hair, that's the wrong equation idiot, why are you eating so much junk, don't you know it'll ruin your body?" legato tries hard to just take it like his own foster parents barking orders, but even vash is noticing.

and speaking of vash, let's get back to him: he decides it's a great idea to attempt merging their friend groups, even though knives hangs out with notoriously dickish people. (midvalley is their saving grace). not everybody gets along but he gets a closer eye on knives and 'gato, and he also gets the chance to learn about the people his brother considers worthwhile.

etc. etc. the turning point of the au is when knives has a psychotic break (something that isn't deliberate malfeasance for once), arranges a sleepover where he tries to kill vash, legato and himself, and gets dragged to the hospital because he turned the knife on himself first in an attempt to show them that he was doing what was best for all of them. it's pretty bleak.

but everyone shows up for him. he gets meds that their shitty, faceless foster parents bitterly agree to pay for, if only so they keep getting their check, and he gets bundles and bundles of flowers.

legato and midvalley bring him a beat up electric keyboard to play while he recovers from multiple self-inflicted stab wounds, along with their own instruments (legato on violin and midvalley, of course, on bari sax). meryl brings him a book on feminist theory to read. milly brings flowers and packaged vegan treats (she figured out he has contamination ocd). vash crawls into knives's hospital bed every night so knives can fall asleep to the sound of his heartbeat.

knives is still a pain in the ass when he's medicated, of course, it's just his personality, but he's less terrified of everything. he still has his routines and compulsions, but the episodes he does have are much less intense. increased communication with vash about what they both want helps, too. knowing vash isn't going to leave him no matter what. that, and knowing that vash isn't the only thing he has anymore. that not all people are cruel and stupid and eager to take advantage. that's not to say that he doesn't still hate everyone he doesn't know, but you get what i'm meaning. he finds his people and it chills him out a bit. the king of loneliness, lonely no more.

things aren't the same once he's out of the hospital, but he finds that he doesn't really want them to be. he doesn't have some drastic change of character, he just seems a little calmer, a little more tired. it's easier for legato to hold his hand, or for vash to bring him down from the edge of a meltdown (sorry i just piled on the mental disorders, it's a me thing).

that's all i really have for it so far because i'm not sure whether or not i want to end it there.