#verbally

// i don't wanna fight btw just bickering :3

- ❤️‍🔥 (@my-knife-goes-doki-doki)

what if I kicked you in the balls so hard they popped? They could match your eyes! HahahhaAHAHA!

…

…can you even see? <they wave their hand in front of his face, before flicking him hard in the nose.>

Vocalflux: a term that describes a person whose verbal communication change over time or across situations, either voluntarily or involuntarily.

They may experience shifts in their ability, desire, or comfort in speaking, ranging from being very talkative, to partially or completely nonverbal at others.

This term is available for anyone to use that think the label fits!

Oh now this…this I suspect is gonna be a long one, so apologies in advance.

I’d also like to preface things by saying that I have not yet actually finished supernatural. What I have finished, however, very recently, is season 14 episode 17. So. Pray for me.

Anyway, the point is is that I have witnessed only half of the ways in which Dean has gotten things wrong with Jack. So that’s the half I’m gonna focus on. And by god do I have feelings about this.

Jack is a child. He is an innocent, sweet, thoughtful child. He is sunlight in human form and he delights me more every day. But Dean wasn’t to know that. Not at the beginning.

People often talk about his behaviour in season 13 as being out of character, Dean would never really act like that, etcetera. I tend to get pretty immersed in these things, and so to me it doesn’t quite make sense that something he canonically did could be out of character — I mean, it can be, everyone does things that are out of character sometimes, but he still did it. And I think it’s understandable, and it was actually not as awful as I had been led to believe. However.

I take issue every time a child is mistreated in media. I hate it. Maybe it’s the A level psychology level study of the stages of attachment I did back in school, but every time it happens it just…wrenches at me, in a way watching adults suffer never has.

I just can’t stop thinking about how the trauma that they’re going through is not only awful…it’s shaping them as a person, in irrevocable ways. They will never recover the way an adult could. They are so young, so malleable, that they hat would be just a bad weekend for an adult could very easily change them fundamentally as a person. It’s the same with Jack.

I have wanted to reach through the screen and pull the Winchester boys into a hug a thousand times. But with Jack…it was like a physical ache, like a need, something inside me was just chanting come here, come here, it’s okay, it’s okay, I’ll take care of you, just come here at the same time as another part of me was chanting at Dean — and, actually, Sam, on a couple of specific occasions — stopitstopistopitstopitSTOPIT. And eventually, Dean did stop. Thank god. But not before he did some damage that I have an awful feeling is probably permanent.

Jack is a child. He was days old when the Winchesters took him in. And he was already Jack, sweet and sunny. He was already afraid of his powers. He was already feeling guilty for hurting that kind sheriff. And Sam…god, Sam, for the most part, was wonderful. I’m going to step out of the destiel bubble for a second and say that Sam was his dad first. Sam is his dad, Cas is his dad, Dean is also his dad — most of the time — slash weird uncle. But Sam was Jack’s dad first. And he did his best, he really did, but Sam has never had to take care of a child before. That’s Dean’s thing, has always been Dean’s thing. And the issue I take with both of the boys, is that they saw him as he looked, as a young adult, and treated him accordingly. Sam with gentleness and understanding, but the kind of gentleness and understanding you would grant a teenager. Not a child. And Jack was. A child. And Dean…

Jack was days old, and suicidal. Before he even knew what the word means, before he’d even been on earth a week, he was trying to take himself out of it. Jack collects guilt just as if that good old tried and true Winchester tendency really runs in his blood. Without the Winchester boy’s intervention, I believe he still would have struggled without. But he wasn’t just beating himself up about it all, he was trying to kill himself with a knife. And I blame Dean.

Dean, who was grieving his mother, his friend slash enemy slash who knows really, and the love of his life. Dean was broken, and he was afraid. And when Dean is afraid…he gets angry. The things he said to Jack, the way he acted…the orders, the suspicion, the bluntness, the way he TOLD JACK TO HIS FACE that he would be the one to kill him if he turned evil after he walked in on a child who was stabbing himself — it was horrible to watch. It felt like…to see Dean, who I have adored for so long, who I see myself in more than I have ever seen myself in any other character, treat Jack, who I also relate to a great deal and who I feel incredibly protective over, like that…it was awful. It felt so blatantly, terribly wrong. The first few episodes of season 13, I was just crying. Every episode. Because Jack deserved to be a child. He deserved to feel loved unconditionally from the second he set foot on this planet. He deserved to have fun. To play. He deserved to learn and discover and change and grow, and he deserved someone’s unwavering love, affection, and steady support through it all. And he did not. Get it. Certainly not from Dean. Not even from Sam, though Sam tried his absolute best and did amazingly well under the circumstances. But no one ever treated Jack like the child he was. And I think that that is where they went wrong. And I wish…coming back to what Dean could have done better and apologies for the long and winding route this has taken…I wish Dean has seen Jack as he was. As a child. An innocent, frightened child. And a good kid. Who deserved love, and safety, and affection, a warm bed and a stable home, parents who adored him, and the space and time to learn and grow as a person and as a Nephil at his own pace, and on his own terms. Because Dean is great with kids. He is. But once they get a little older…let’s just say he made some of the same mistakes with his own kid that he made with Jack. For Dean, things get a little more complicated once a person isn’t little anymore. And Dean saw Jack the way he appeared: a kid, but not a child. Not the baby he should have been. It’s one of the reasons I think that perhaps Kelly was wrong when she told Jack he needed to grow up, though I understand why she did. Because if Dean had found a child who looked like a child alone and scared and glowing-eyes in that house, I think things would have gone a hell of a lot differently. And I would have loved to have seen it.

As it is, I think he could have done a hell of a lot of things differently. I will never forgive him for how he treated Jack at the beginning. I will never truly understand. But I still love him. I love them both. So much. And so far in season 14, Dean has been a good dad to Jack. I’m not ready to let that go, and I’m scared as hell for what I know is coming next. But I have faith that they’ll come out the other side. I think. And I think that now Jack’s a little older, he has slightly more of a defence against it, and he now has both Sam and Cas, which I hope to god will help. So um.

And the pen is always with the art tablet right

So if I find the pen for said tablet in a box one would thing that the tablet would be in the box

Right?

WRONG