Shadow of the natal Venus-Lilith conjunction
Sidenote: I am not shaming anyone for having these shadow aspects as shadows exist within everyone, myself included as I have this aspect in my own natal chart. Most of the things I'm speaking about are things I currently struggle with or have previously struggled with in the past or come from the experiences of other Lilith-Venus natives I've done research on.
These people are often sexualized at a very young age and throughout their lives. People will make sexual comments or gestures towards these individuals while simultaneously shaming them. People can project their fantasies onto Venus-Lilith natives, treating them as objects, only viewing them as sexual figures rather than actual human beings—they can also become fetishized. People may have hidden agendas towards the Venus-Lilith person, usually revolving around wanting to obtain something from them. In extreme cases people seek out Lilith-Venus natives for sexual gratification. People may also paint Venus-Lilith people to be provocative and "sexually suggestive" even if they're the ones to initially approach them in this manner. If sexualized at a young age or shamed by others, they can easily seek external validation in their later years which in return ruins their perceptions of themselves, harming their self esteem. They could have an obsession over wanting to achieve perfection and committing to an ideal that often is projected onto them by another. These people must work on healing this aspect within themselves as they can easily act on self hatred or create a false, masked image of themselves.
Venus-Lilith natives are often shamed by others. People project a lot onto these folks and it's usually because there's something within them that they've repressed, not allowing themselves to explore the parts of them they may feel ashamed of. One of the purposes of Lilith dominance in a chart is for the person to completely leave societal expectations to follow their own unique path and to do it fearlessly, regardless of how another responds. This is a huge challenge for them as they will often feel judged, unaccepted and ridiculed by others so they go down a route of immense suppression and internalized shame. They can place themselves in a very restrictive box just so they feel accepted by society. This wound can stem from projections placed onto them by their own family members. They may have been bullied during their developmental years, creating these deep, harmful beliefs about themselves. Whatever a Lilith dominant person does that isn't deemed acceptable by the common collective, there will be talk. They must learn to disregard this and continue to walk their own path at their own pace and live their lives to the fullest—something that's true to them and only them. They must learn to honor and wield the things that make them different from others rather than repress and run away from them.
Venus-Lilith folks may have issues regarding control within themselves and their relationships. They may resist any control that is placed onto them, but can unconsciously push to control their partners. They have a difficulty with being told no which can lead to acting impulsively and seeking instant gratification to get what they want—when their eyes are set on something, they will do everything to get it. They also can have a hard time with compromising with partners due to this need for control. The need for control often stems from not wanting to be taken advantage of by others, especially by the people they're supposed to trust like their partners. Something to be mindful of when you have this aspect is men. Men treat Lilith dominant folks like they're a sexual fantasy, completely stripping them of their autonomy and human nature—in other words they can treat them like pieces of meat. Men in relationships will show interest, they'll stare at you in public, they'll stalk you, harass you, unsolicitedly approach you, try to control and dominate you, they'll think you're seducing them, and they will project their fantasies onto you and objectify you without shame. I've had men straight up suggest sexual favors or ask me for it—men who I've barely spoken to or just met.
As for sexuality, I have seen this play out in mainly two different ways. One being the Venus-Lilith person choosing to refrain from indulging in their sexual desires, putting a restraint on their sexuality and sexual expression, or they discover their sexuality earlier on and strive towards becoming sexually liberated. The shadow sides of these two scenarios is they can either be sexually repressed, usually caused by shame or guilt for having such desires, or they can overt their sexuality in a very unhealthy manner—leading them towards debauchery or using their sexuality to gain or win something from another by seducing them. Venus-Lilith natives must create a healthy balance between their sexuality and sexual desires so it's not completely dormant and kept on the back burner and so it doesn't completely overrule their lives, causing them to make poor choices. Relationships can be quite complicated for Venus-Lilith natives and is rarely smooth sailing. They can become another person's rebound, can participate in infidelity (usually by becoming the other woman), can enter very toxic relationships, can confuse passion, limerence, and lust for love, and can engage in very self destructive behaviors for/because of their lovers—they can repeatedly face heartbreak and chaos in their love lives because of this.
Something I've noticed is that sometimes there's a struggle with give and take in their relationships. They may want or expect their partner to fulfill all their needs—essentially wanting more than what they can give because of their dissatisfaction, they may put their needs first or focus on how a relationship will serve/gratify them rather than entering something solely for love, or their partners may do that to them. Venus-Lilith natives can also frequently become obsessive in their relationships, creating unhealthy attachments, or they attract these kind of people. Even in the beginning stage of a relationship, they themselves or their partners become quickly attached and possessive. Jealousy is also another problem they run into when it comes to their relationships. When they're in love all logic can go out of the window. They can be super intense, feeling love so strongly that it totally consumes them. At the end of a painful heartbreak or lesson in love, there's always an incredible transformation these individuals go through to better understand themselves, their shadows, deepest desires, and fears. Dominant Lilith folks are meant to fully integrate their shadows by bringing them to light so they can gain a better sense of self-awareness. By learning to accept these parts of themselves they can become more whole.
