#vent...?

EDS is a joint condition that causes chronic pain and fatigue. Another symptom is dysautonomia, where a part of your body starts over-reacting or shutting down.

I've known I have Hypermobility since I was a kid, and I was bullied and ignored by the adults around me. I was pushed past my physical limits and forced to put myself in pain because these people were ignorant and refused to listen to a disabled little girl or her parents.

As I grew older, my condition got worse. I was diagnosed with hEDS at 13, and even then, after a diagnosis, I was still ignored and put down by people who were meant to look out for me.

EDS isn't a visible disability. You can't look at me and know that I have it. All you see is an unfit teenager who sits out during PE. What I feel is pain in my joints and the consequence of mock-hypothermia from my dysautonomia if I push past my limits.

This awareness month, I'm tired of fighting to be treated properly, so I atleast want to be heard. Stop treating invisible disabilities like they don't exist when it's not convenient.

I was crying alot last night...

My mom was comparing when to others, again....She said "instead of you guys to learn how to do hair or makeup up watch stupid stuff for 10 hours" she compared us to a girl saying that she could already make her hair. She kept on comparing and comparing while I just stood there...When she finally left I just started to cry uncontrollably and silently...she also made my little sister cry too...She thinks she can say this stuff without hurting us. She literally asked me and my siblings before if she was a good mom...I'm just going to say it at this point, a good mom wouldn't compare, judge, mock, fat shame, make fun of her own child. She's doing everything a good mom shouldn't. She even made my sister cry last year on her birthday and she laughed about it like she thought she was actually funny but she's not. She makes fun of my weight. Which is a reason why I'm always self conscious about my body... She mocks the way I walk or stand she says that I always stand sideways and Proceeds to mock me. Does she not know that way she does hurt me or the rest of my siblings...? I don't even know if I want any contact with her when I finally get out of this stupid place...

I don't know how I... I'm afraid to express... I don't like drawing each thing as so same. In real. Also I don't like to hear this...

So, when somebody is telling me about something they did, or an experience they've been through, my default reaction is to look for commonality, so if they mention they went on holiday to "X" location, and I've been there or somewhere similar, I'll respond with "Oh yeah, I've been to X/X-like place as well, it's so nice isn't it?". I'll relate their experience back to my experience, my intention being to foster a common thread between us as we converse.

...apparently, this is not really how most people converse, but tends to be employed mainly by autistic people, which I am. Genuinely did not know this was a thing we did, I actually assumed this was just how you were supposed to talk with people. Curiosity turns to horror when it is then explained to me that engaging in this type of response can be seen by neurotypical/allistic people as selfish, as I'm/we're diverting attention from the person's experience and making it about ourselves/our own experience at their expense.

And now I'm worried that I've inadvertently been doing this with people my whole life, but everyone's too polite to tell me about it. I mean, I'm going to try not to make it an entire thing, but wow... I never knew that in thirty-three years of being autistic.

All that to say, if you're chatting with me and I seem to turn the conversation onto myself/my own experiences, and that makes you feel a bit hurt or dismissed, I'm genuinely sorry about that. Please understand it's not coming from a self-serving place, but out of trying to establish common threads with you, and for my part I'll endeavour to respect you if you'd rather I didn't.