Today I have discovered something interesting about the way I try to relate to other people's experiences, and now I'm a little worried that I sometimes come across as selfish to people when I'm trying to show them I understand what they're talking about.
So, when somebody is telling me about something they did, or an experience they've been through, my default reaction is to look for commonality, so if they mention they went on holiday to "X" location, and I've been there or somewhere similar, I'll respond with "Oh yeah, I've been to X/X-like place as well, it's so nice isn't it?". I'll relate their experience back to my experience, my intention being to foster a common thread between us as we converse.
...apparently, this is not really how most people converse, but tends to be employed mainly by autistic people, which I am. Genuinely did not know this was a thing we did, I actually assumed this was just how you were supposed to talk with people. Curiosity turns to horror when it is then explained to me that engaging in this type of response can be seen by neurotypical/allistic people as selfish, as I'm/we're diverting attention from the person's experience and making it about ourselves/our own experience at their expense.
And now I'm worried that I've inadvertently been doing this with people my whole life, but everyone's too polite to tell me about it. I mean, I'm going to try not to make it an entire thing, but wow... I never knew that in thirty-three years of being autistic.
All that to say, if you're chatting with me and I seem to turn the conversation onto myself/my own experiences, and that makes you feel a bit hurt or dismissed, I'm genuinely sorry about that. Please understand it's not coming from a self-serving place, but out of trying to establish common threads with you, and for my part I'll endeavour to respect you if you'd rather I didn't.
So... yeah! If anyone reading this didn't know about that... now you do! Haha :)
