#uzari

Most Underrated Eurovision Non-Qualifiers (2014-2024)

Mia Nicolai and Dion Cooper - "Burning Daylight" (Netherlands ESC 2023)

Andromache - "Ela" (Cyprus ESC 2022)

Montaigne - "Technicolour" (Australia ESC 2021)

Uzari and Maimuna - "Time" (Belarus ESC 2015)

Iru - "Echo" (Georgia ESC 2023)

Svala - "Paper" (Iceland ESC 2017)

Mustii - "Before The Party Is Over" (Belgium ESC 2024)

140. Greta Salóme & Jónsi - Never forget” Iceland 2012

Oh man, this is just tragic. Like, “l’amore è femmina”, “Never forget” could’ve been near the top of the ranking, but the stakes were even higher. A good performance of “Never forget” WINS this ranking easily. "Never forget” is not only one of my favourite ESC songs ever, it’s also the song that ignited my interest in becoming an freelance Eurovsion analyst, following the backstage, rehearsals and preselections, teaching myself how to gif, etc. It was a key entry in establishing my fandom.

My feelings on “Never forget” are as such, all over the goddamn’ place, so I will attempt to remain succinct: I was a HUGE fanboy in the day and to some degree I still am. Jónsi is probably still my single favourite Eurovision human. Effortlessly funny, disarmingly self-deprecating, overwhelmingly charismatic, constantly spewing off dorky dad humour everywhere. The only other person who can hold a candle to that is (the sadly LESS dorky) Måns Zelmerlöw. He is, simply put, perfect. Here’s a gif of him getting lost backstage.

(caption: “How unprofessional of me🤭🤔😬” 😻)

Greta is pretty amazing in her own right, as well. In addition to being a very talented songwriter who makes consistently magical music, I relate a lot to her permanently anxious, overambitious, perfectionistic self, her crippling fear of “not being good enough” permeating throughout every line she says. I mean, same girl, same. WLU *GREAT*A.

As for the song,man, how much praise can I cram into this? “Never forget” is a brilliant composition: It transcends the boundaries of music by unfolding like an animated chapter from the Edda. The Icelandic version may very well be the single best song in all of Eurovision, and is on my non-ESC playlist.

Sadly, Greta & Jónsi were ALSO struck by the Crystal Acoustics Curse. Not as badly as Compact Disco and Nina were but still, the end result was pretty disappointing. Jónsi was especially terrible which hurts my iceberg of a heart. However, I prefer to not dwell on what could’ve been. The final positioning at #140 is fair based on what “Never forget” eventually became: a solidly good entry, just not a great one. 

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139. Emmelie de Forest - “Only teardrops” Denmark 2013

On the other end of the spectrum, we now encounter another song in the “OUTSOLD!!!” category. Emmelie’s rank is limited by the quality of her song: "Only teardrops” is a boatload of nonsense, pre-packaged as pseudo-ethnic schlager <3 To put it plainly: It is a simple song for simple souls. 🤗  Fortunately, I too am a simple soul and was instantly drawn by this charming blend of floral melodies and underlying moody percussion. “Only teardrops” is, by the strict definition of the term, a basic bitch song, but it actually manages to convincingly disguise itself as quality. The presentation is elegant and even lowkey epic and Emmelie absolutely makes the most out of it. It’s not my 2013 winner, not even by a longshot, but I am nevertheless satisfied.

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138. Buryanoskiye Babushki - “Party for everybody” Russia 2012

PARTIY VAR EVRIBADIY DENZ. 

ANOTHER VICTIM OF CRYSTAL ARENA ACOU- lmfao just kidding.🤭 We knew well ahead in time the Babushki couldn’t hold a tune and if you care about *that* aspect, you’re just not watching Eurovision right. The only complaints I could’ve had would be if they won and well, look at the year. 

Also, in a year featuring Jónsi (perfect human) and Kaliopi (”I LOVE THE GREECE. I LOVE GREECE MUSIC” + off-screen showmance with Can Bonomo <3), Natalia, a living breathing inner matrjoska manages to capture my heart as one of Eurovision’s best ancillary characters. SO ADORABLE, WHERE CAN I ORDER ONE ONLINE???

All yours, Babooshka, Babooshka, Babooshka, ya ya~

I also really cherish the Babushki because their participation feels like the FINAL time Russia was genuinely without a hidden motive. They were the last Russian entry to win an NF, and they did it with antiquated shit schlager about dogs crawling on cats <3 (Like, seriously. I’m sure there is some obscure uralic legend at the base of these acidtrippy lyrics, which <3). This of course they expanded by baking cookies on the stage while cawing on in offkey Udmurt and broken English. They are genuinely disarming and I question the morality and life choices of anyone who thinks otherwise. ^_^

Oh btw, all of Russia has  now been eliminated, except for Polina. What a Good Eurovision Country. 

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137. Sunstroke Project ft. Olia Tira - “Runaway” Moldova 2010

In a bizarre fluke, “Run away” is one of the most famous Eurovision songs of all time.😂  I will not insult your intelligence by pointing out how, and I’ll instead remark that I find it lowkey hilarious. Hilarious, because at the time, the general opinion of “Run away” was a negative one: “a vocal disaster, an undeserving fringe qualifier, the epitome of bad taste & bad music, evocative of eastern-European countries voting only for each other”. Man, do those haters look silly now. 

As for my personal opinion, well, yes, I live for the mess, obviously? Always have, long before it was cool! Pseudo-orchestral trashpop beat laced with incomprehensible coalminer’s English <3 correctly-rated-as-epic sax playback <3 <3 The terrible outfits <3 the world’s least convincing violin <3 Sergei RIPPING OPEN HIS SHIRT AT THE END lmfao <3 Keep on causing rage-induced embolysms with those juror fiends, sweet trash angels. So camp, so lowbudget, so shameless, SO MOLDOVAN <3

and now for the final boot of the ~Like Zone~

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136. Uzari & Maimuna - “Time” Belarus 2015

“Time” is like Thunder Oh OH.

‘Time” is such a weird entry and I am barely able to make sense of it all. 

First of all, it’s a physical health awareness anthem aimed at the terminally ill??? Telling them to live their life to the fullest because they have such little time left (which is both endearing and hilariously inappropriate). 

Second of all, both Uzari (pronounced *YOU*zari, no really, he insists) and Maimuna are such intense weirdo’s. I wouldn’t describe their deadlocked gazes as chemistry per se, it’s more like a nonstop spaghetti western staredown.  <3 How did these two people end up working together?

Thirdly this is a pairing between a singer and a musician but it is UZARI who composed the music while MAIMUNA wrote the lyrics <3 "Time” is such a quaint, but entertaining little song, how come everyone overlooks it ::looks at the flag::... oh. 

I tried to put together songs I would play to a newcomer in Barduil fandom, or someone who wants me to introduce them to my OTP. Songs with the most genuine, primal Barduil feel of Thranduil & Bard in Middle Earth.

I think I’m gonna make another playlist that will be “Barduil AU” (I’m not entirely sure what that’s gonna mean yet. I only know I still have too many “Barduil songs” that didn’t make it on this list :D)

You can listen to the whole playlist on Youtube

1. Hello My Old Heart (The Oh Hellos)

2. Pain Told Love (Tribe Society)

3. Big Eyes (Kyla La Grange)

4. Under The Stars (London Grammar)

5. Ghost on the Shore (Lord Huron)

6.  A Memory’s Lament (Reuben And The Dark)

7. Hurricane (ZAYDE WOLF x FJØRA)

8. Cuckoo Song (A Silent Film)

9. Trees (Twenty One Pilots)

10. Time (Uzari & Maimuna)

11. King and Lionheart (Of Monsters And Men)

12. Bow and Arrow (Reuben And The Dark)

13. Saturn (Sleeping At Last)

14. Once (Felicia Sorensen)

15. Kiss Me - Strings Version (Dermot Kennedy)

Me: