there are two huge, glaring issues and a bunch of minor things that annoy me personally.
for one, spottedleaf is being groomed. it’s truly disgusting and awful, and the only problem the narrative has with it is that thistleclaw is an awful person, not his toxic behavior towards her or the truly gigantic age gap! she is younger than his literal son! on top of that, his wife has only just died maybe like two or three moons ago when he starts flirting with her. AS A LITERAL BABY.
for another, it retcons the fact that spottedleaf was only ever a medicine cat apprentice. in bluestar’s prophecy, she shows an interest in herbs and helping featherwhisker as a kit and then becomes a medicine cat apprentice when her brothers become warrior apprentices. and this definitely isn’t a huge retcon when you consider it on its own, but when you look at the series as a whole, it fits in with a trend that i really don’t like. medicine cats, at least the ones who are important main or side characters, are almost always cats who want to be warriors or are full warriors before something happens to them and they are forced or heavily pressured into becoming medicine cats. despite everyone in the clans being shocked when full warriors become medicine cats, it happens three times in the prequel era alone. no one important is allowed to just be interested in being a medicine cat and become one, it has to be forced on them and they have to come to accept it. and i don’t like that, it feels icky. this is basically the only other job or specialization in the clans, and even the authors look down on it apparently. not a good look.
a couple other things:
spottedleaf knowing bluestar’s secret just seems unnecessary. it was slapped on at the end and she doesn’t even know the full thing and there’s simply no point to her knowing. it affects nothing!
why does spottedleaf know about the dark forest???? the whole point of a lot of later plot points (and even earlier ones too) are dependent on cats not knowing that the dark forest exists or what it is. i have noticed them do this a couple times and it is quite contradictory and rather annoying.
the last thing is that the only good part of this book is seeing thrushpelt be a good mentor. yay thrushpelt, thanks for being the only not unbearable part of this whole novella.
all that to say, this whole novella is being scrapped in this au. just gone. we're pretending it doesn't exist la la la laaaaaaaa
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“Thank you for joining me Masters Jedi” The reporter, a petite Mon Calamari, greeted them with a well-practiced smile, desperately hoping it hid her nerves as the selection of available (or, she had a sneaking suspicion, those who were not quite quick enough with a plausible excuse) council members filed in. They took seats in the comfortable chairs arranged in a semicircle in front of her.
“Thank you for inviting us” Obi-Wan Kenobi responded with a charming smile, characteristically polite and the voice of the group as they sat down. Mace Windu and Plo Koon both nodded in acknowledgement, Shaak Ti smiled serenely and Kit Fisto flashed her his usual wide grin. It was like looking at holo-posters.
“Please make yourselves comfortable” She cleared her throat and switched on her holo-mic “and before we start, my listeners have asked me to pass on their heartfelt thanks for all your efforts during the war, and for making the Galaxy safe once again.”
At this there was some shuffling, her Jedi guests looking between each other, a surprising air of awkwardness settled over the group and she instantly kicked herself.
“We simply followed the will of the Force, and we were fortunate enough to have our Trooper brothers with us. We could not have prevailed without them” Master Plo Koon replied with a slight dip of his head in thanks, even as he shrugged off the compliment.
The reporter smiled back at him.
“Of course, I’m very excited to meet them later.” She said, noting the rather pleased looks on the Jedi’s faces as she did so and hoping she had clawed back some goodwill. “For now, though, I’m very interested in learning more about our Jedi heroes and I have some fantastic questions from our listeners.” She settled back in her chair and looked at her notes, willing her hands to stop shaking. This was a career making opportunity.
“Could I first ask, to set us up nicely, for you all to state your name, species and age for the holo-mic please. It helps listeners distinguish voices and really build a picture of you” she explained, getting down to business.
“Sure! I’m Kit Fisto, Nautolian, and I’m fifty-five in standard years.” The first Jedi, a shockingly youthful (and very handsome) male smiled at her reaction as the reporter’s face widened in surprise.
“My species age well” he said with a wink, and the reporter was amused to note his confidence got him a whack on the leg from the next Jedi, Shaak Ti.
“Greetings, I am Shaak Ti, Togrutan and I am fifty-eight in Galactic Standard Years” she said with a lovely, measured voice that would make an excellent narrator, the reporter thought.
“Thank you” She said, before moving down the line.
“I am Plo Koon, Kel Dor, and I am three hundred and eighty-five GSY old” he said rather proudly, the reporter thought. She nodded in appreciation and slight awe. She understood some of the older races had different life spans and ages, but she’d never met one before.
“I am Mace Windu, Korun from Haruun Kal, and I am sixty-one GSY.” The reporter struggled to meet the serious brown eyes of the head of the order, trying very hard not to be intimidated she nodded in thanks and moved on to her last guest. Her personal favourite.
“Hello there, I am Obi-Wan Kenobi, a near-human from Stewjon and I’m thirty-eight.” He said with another polite smile.
“Excellent, now then-“
“Pardon?”
The reporter was incredibly surprised to be interrupted by the serene master herself, Shaak Ti, who had something akin to shock on her face.
“ah, sorry? What?” Master Kenobi asked, a little unsure, looking between his colleague and the reporter, who shrugged a little.
Master Ti looked at him down the line.
“You’re how old?!” she asked again.
Master Kenobi was starting to look downright uneasy.
“I’m…thirty-eight.”
Master Ti continued to stare at him.
“In Galactic Standard Years?” she clarified incredulously
“Yes-“
A snort came from Master Fisto at the other end of the line.
“Ahh Shaak. All this time, didn’t realise he was a baby did you?” he said knowingly.
“I am not a baby!” Master Kenobi spluttered.
“I mean I knew he was young but…”
“Now hang on, I’m not that young-“
“I had a similar moment of realisation about halfway through the war” Plo pacified her with an understanding pat. “We basically followed a teenager into battle” he said sagely.
“Oh now you’re just being –“
“Did you know about this?!” Shaak asked the head of the order accusingly, ignoring her young colleague’s protests.
Master Windu’s frown held a hint of amusement.
“Yes…I can do mathematics, and read personnel files…” he answered slowly, dry as the dessert. Master Ti glared at him.
“Sorry Obi-Wan” The surprised Togruten turned at last to mollify her colleague. “I’m just…surprised. That makes you the youngest member in…a while. I can’t believe I never knew!” She said in amazement.
“He’s the youngest ever member if I am correct” Master Windu stated, with a rather smug smile, and the reporter was amused to note Master Plo Koon nodding along with a distinct air of pride.
For his part, the reporter could swear Young Master Kenobi’s ears were starting to turn an amusing shade of pink, and for some reason he scowled slightly.
“Depa is only five years older than me!” he grumbled into his folded arms.
“Yeah but she’s Depa” Master Fisto chimed in, in a knowing tone.
“mmm”
“True”
“Yes”
“Right”
“Just what is that supposed to mean-“
The reporter blinked at the scene in before her, rapidly descending into a friendly argument and the bickering of age-old friends. Or, young friends, as the case may be.
She looked at her stack of questions again, and grinned, her previous nerves about interviewing the most powerful beings in the galaxy all but disappearing as Master Fisto winked at her again and Master Plo leaned over to ruffle Master Kenobi’s hair, dodging around a protective Master Windu.
She put the questions on the floor under her chair and grinned.
BREAKING NEWS: Scientists amazed as a letter so utterly pointless it shouldn't be able to exist in normal space-time is unveiled in the pages of the Daily Mail. (many thanks to brigidichka over on Twitter for this one!)
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not to dox myself too much on this webbed site but i'd really appreciate if sitting american politicians would stop threatening to put some of their sillier laws into action
