on my second rewatch of ofmd with @librikolibri I noticed something right as we are entering goes-wrong-territory in ep 9.
I kept thinking back to the what-ifs of that misunderstanding at the academy and I keep coming to the conclusion that really it's on both of them.
Because for the first time in the show, Stede is opening up about his feelings for a longer period of time. And Ed doesn't listen.
Yes, we've seen Stede open up to Ed, literally at their first meeting when Stede says he's a terrible pirate, but never to this personal, thought consuming extent.
Stede is ruminating about Mary's motives, he's fretting over what happened and he's maybe feeling like this safety net he has up his sleeve (and he later willingly renounces when he renounces his wealth) is starting to crumble, so he's distraught.
And Ed, who's supposed to be his emotional rock in the shore... is folding socks. And that's okay.
But they're not talking it through as a crew here and there's a fundamental level of misunderstanding happening even beyond the 'Stede needs to repent' and 'Ed's never been rejected'. Ed is so head's deep in his wish to finally let go that he can't emotionally deal with Stede's spiral into worry. He completely dismisses all of Stede's monologue as he's folding his socks which makes him also later completely miss Stede's reluctance to run off to China.
Essentially, both are too in their head about the past and the current situation that they develop in completely different directions and that's one of the reasons why Stede doesn't really respond to the kiss. Also note how it's not included in Stede's montage of Mary's love description. Stede probably didn't even register it emotionally at all.
And this is also why later Ed's lyrics he dictates to Lucius contain "nothing makes sense" because from Ed's point of view, everything was fine!!! until it was not!!! He completely missed Stede's whole existential crisis over his old life because while Stede still had ties to his old life, Ed was already a step ahead and willing to chuck it all overboard, but Stede wasn't there yet.
And that's what makes this even more painful, if Ed had listened to Stede a bit better emotionally he'd have been spared a tiny bit of the confusion.
Also, interestingly enough, except for the time Stede murmurs her name in his sleep and jealous!Ed goes "now who's this Mary', we never see Ed and Stede discussing Mary and his old life. We don't know if Ed knows the significance and the circumstances of Stede's marriage but I find it hard to believe Stede didn't tell him.
So in conclusion, idiots in love need to use their idiot words and listen to their loving idiot.
