#until he does

Watson teaches Holmes how to flirt fic

but then it backfires on him! (who couldve thought..)

one day Holmes laments he has to endear himself to a number of women at a social event bc of a case - watson first scolds him for leading on the ladies but when holmes asks if he will not help him he says ofc i will! it would be a great pleasure. how? well watson you've been quite a ladies man in your days have you not? he blushes but is also a bit proud of his effect and ability - but is still taken by surprise when Holmes says: so teach me 

very well 

a bit awkward at first but they find their thespian footing - its even fun!

watson is surprised by how well they create a ‘fake’ sexual tension (oh baby)

they practice every evening for a week, different scenarios

next day watson comes home from some errands to find a beautiful lady in their sitting room? oh my? and holmes is not anywhere? he consoles her and says holmes will be here soon, do not worry, he is the most brilliant man i have ever known…..oh? she inquires and he waxes poetically for a bit more, she must’ve liked it bc she comes onto him - oh but his sensibilities! he is so tempted….her beautiful eyes….so familiar… wait! ha! holmes reveals himself, watson is soo surprised, oh holmes, you should not have, but i cannot help but marvel at your abilities….truly remarkable….holmes blushes in his pretty dress…..they both get shy and holmes goes to change back, they sip a whisky by the fire, happy and content 

the next day they naturally slip into their ‘training dynamic’ without an official lesson

he compliments holmes and they have a Moment 

why is he blushing and his heart is beating? haha holmes you’re getting too good at this

Holmes expression is indecipherable 

watson convinces himself it was just superb teaching and natural talent (bc ofc Holmes has natural attractiveness and is talented in all he does, oh he is so amazing…his beautiful friend…) 

(meanwhile holmes is having a total crisis unbeknownst to watson bc this has awakened sth in him….he has had to reckon with some realizations…..)

watson goes to bed proud of what they have accomplished together

the day of the event! holmes gets ready and looks just SO dapper oh wow oh man…..watson feels inadequate beside him…but so happy and honored to be able to join him that evening…maybe he could even be of service……

holmes flirts his way through the crowd like a PRO, the ladies hang to his every fake word, even his body language is perfectly deceptive

watson watches him with amazemenmt and adoration

one of the women is especially taken…..the flirting gets almost real…wait is it real? watson cannot help but wonder…ofc how could SHE not fall for him clearly…but holmes? is he taken? it has always struck watson odd that so attractive and charming and smart a man should remain a bachelor….perhaps now he is falling in love at last…but…..but why does it not please him? why is he not happy for his bestest friend in the whole world? 

ohno………..whatever could it mean…….

holmes catches him staring and looking troubled, immediately joins him, they talk with a twinkle in their eyes, the flirting comes so naturally….watson looks at holmes lips like the women have done all evening and……has a SUDDEN REALIZATION

he starts, a bit panicked and ashamed, holmes frets over him, whats wrong, but then the Case picks up and he is on the trail, leaving watson behind confused and in love

a few weeks pass 

With that said

My personal, self-indulgent headcanon of him is that he's a little shit

He's the "umm, actually—" incarnate. He runs on knowledge and autism and being right™. He runs on ego not because he can, but because he knows he is always right. He doesn't soften his voice, because he doesn't see reason to do so. He is deeply logical and searches for logic and structure in everything he does, in every interaction, in every relationship. No logic on sight? He must dissect it until he finds it. He can't enjoy things he can't make sense of, he won't let himself feel things he can't make sense of. He is lonely because he believes no one could possibly compare to him in terms of intellect, mindset, and comprehension.

He doesn't let himself feel things because he wasn't created to do so.

He doesn't let himself enjoy things because he wasn't created to do so.

He doesn't feel compassion or the need to be gentle because he wasn't created to do so.

He distances himself because no one else understands his system like he does, therefore their company would be inefficient.

He was created to embody Knowledge. That is his role, his purpose, his whole being.

And when he finally snaps? When he realized that NO ONE cares about Knowledge unless it caters to their whims? He lies.

When he lies? He realizes that suddenly he's liked again? He goes like, "Oh, is THIS what you wanted?! Then CHOKE ON IT"

He wasn't expressive enough? Now he's a jester

He wasn't polite enough? Now he's grown a silver tongue

He didn't say what you wanted? Fine, there you go, and see what happens!

First, there might have been despair, loneliness and anguish

But what ultimately corrupted the Fount was rage and spite

❝   YES   .   ❞

who   would   make   you   a   worm   ?     𝙄’𝙇𝙇   KILL   𝙏𝙃𝙀𝙈   !