if theres something ive come to realize just now is that, talking about money feels so god damn gross to me. like, specially talking about my own money. and not because im poor or rich or any single thing like that, but rather every single god damn time that i feel it makes sense to mention money in conversation for whatever reason, i kinda always immediately feel like i need to delete that god damn message as soon as possible for fear of sounding like im begging for money to my friends, or bragging about it whenever i mention having money, or anything like that. but i also feel like if i delete it, it will look even MORE like im doing that but then deleted it to erase tracks that i did so and UGGH THERES NO WAY OUT OF FEELING BAD ABOUT IT
i am now really weary of talking about money in general, and i apologize if i gave the wrong impression - believe me, whenever this happens, i am hyper aware and very disappointed in myself both for the thing that it looks like, and also for assuming that you saw it that way in the first place. its just, an inescapable gross feeling. i will refrain from talking about money from now on as to avoid this BS as much as possible.
add that one to the list of reasons why i hate the concept of money as a whole and wish it was abolished. theres waay better, more substantial reasons to of course, but this certainly doesnt help either.