He wakes up the next morning to Cas swearing at the coffee maker. Deans out of bed in an instant and hastily walks to the kitchen. 

Everything happens in a bit of a blur. One moment he’s calmly confronting Cas about not coming home last night and the next he’s snatching Cas’ work from him and demanding attention.  They're both shouting at the top of their lungs trying to get their points across.  

“You knew how much my work meant to me before you married me!” Cas yells.

“Yeah I did. But I didn’t think it would always be like this. I didn’t think I would be competing with your job and Nick.” The last part slips out by accident. He didn’t want to play the jealous paranoid lover but now that it’s out there, he can finally get the truth. 

“What does she have to do with anything?” Cas asks incredulously. 

Dean’s completely caught off guard by the pronoun. “She?!” 

“Yes, Dean, She.”

“I thought Nick was a dude. Ya know N-I-C-K,” Dean spells out the name for clarity. 

“No Nic. As in Nicole. N-I-C-O-L-E.” 

Dean feels like an idiot. For as long as he’s known Cas, Cas has never been interested in women. “Oh.” 

“Is that what’s got you acting like a jealous child? If you would have just asked me instead of jumping to conclusions-”

“Not like you’re ever home for me to ask you anything.” Dean whispers under his breath. 

“And even if she was a man, what the hell did you think I was doing, Dean?”

Now, isn’t that the million dollar question. 

“I don’t know.” He answers honestly. “I just know you weren’t home. You’re never home.” 

“Not this again,” Cas rolls his eyes. “I told you my work is important to me,” He says exasperated.

“Yeah, but I thought I was too.” Dean says softly. 

“Dean, don't be a child.”

Dean’s never felt small.

He can’t do this anymore. He’ll never be first in Cas’ eyes and he’s tired of being second best. 

“Okay,” he says defeatedly. 

Dean walks quickly into their room and slams the door shut. Tears fall faster than he can wipe away. He’s never felt so alone, so unwanted, so broken. 

The one person who can fix it, is the one who caused it. The tears continue to fall as he sits alone on their bed stupidly waiting for Cas to walk through the door and apologize, continue the argument, anything. But he never does. 

Dean’s watched his marriage fall apart for the better part of a year. He can’t continue to feel like he’s the only one trying to keep it alive. He’s tired. 

He quickly tosses a few things into his overnight bag, wipes his tears, and makes his way out the door.

“Where are you going?” Cas asks. Deans surprised he even noticed. For the short amount of time Dean was gone, Cas has already opened his laptop and started working again. Like their fight was just a small inconvenience to his day. 

“To Sam’s.” He answers.

Cas nods absently. 

Dean wishes he had an ultimatum to dish out to Cas. Wishes he had the energy to beg his husband to pay attention to him and the current state of their relationship. Wishes he could shake Cas and make him see that he’s about to lose Dean forever. 

Dean’s father always said, ‘wishes are for fools.’ 

Dean’s the biggest fool there is.  

*Part 2/3*