25--going on old & worried
I woke up one day and I was 25—going on old and worried
About retirement and relaxing
About money and living
About all the things I wasn't told
until I was older
I’m worried I'll be 30-something—older and anxious
About my eggs running dry
About not being a mom
Sweaty and struggling
while laughing and crying
When I speak my fears
The responses are filled with,“You’re so young”
“You’ve got your whole life”
"You’re just getting started”
And yet I've lived enough
For enough debt
Enough headache and heartache
For enough love
Yet I'm too young to be tired
I'm just sleepy these days
Sleepy from the hour long commutes
The 3 hour night classes
The 8 hour work days plus that one hour I don't get paid while eating
but I still think about work
Because I have to think about work
About my future and finances
I woke up yesterday 25—going on old and worried
I'm worried I'll never relax
or travel
or write
or sing enough
I'm afraid I'll wake up
and I’ll tell my non-existent children that mommy never did what she loves
I spent my twenties worrying about my thirties
and my thirties and forties worrying about life insurance and 401ks
Fuck
It's too much
All of it
I'm too young to be old and worried
But I'm supposed to be responsible
About money and the future
Yet all I want to do is be
And be present
But the future is calling
While the present is pulling
I am simply joyfully and miserably a pretty average Millennial
Filled by "YOU CAN BE ANYTHING YOU WANT TO BE" inspirational posters and dreams of creating a more united and diverse world
While the world is diverse
the economic status is not
and neither is my accessibility
And I can't tell if it's California or the United States or my lack of money management that puts me in this position
Or maybe because I want to help people I will suffer with lower wages
It's not as important as developing an app that wipes your own ass
I'm young and angry and old and worried
And I don't know when I can do the things I dreamt of in 1997-2001
I was already supposed to be famous
Oh, and traveling with the surfer babe I met
I'm 25 and old enough
To party (responsibly)
And dream like I was 12.
I'm still writing in journals
but they no longer are pen and paper
but thumbs and qwerty keys
on a smartphone someone told me I needed to fit into my budget
It's time to sleep and wake up
25 and alive
