Something I really really really fucking hate about alterhuman (namely fictionkin) spaces is how incredibly saneist they are toward people with (or those they perceive to have) delusions.
I often feel the need to censor myself when I join a new fictionkin space, especially those that ban "IRLs/DAs", out of fear I will be harassed for being perceived as experiencing a delusion, due to the nature of my identity.
I am transspecies. I am a physical nonhuman. I don't experience any delusions (at least, as far as I'm aware), and yet, often when I mention my identity in these spaces, that's what I'm called. Not out of worry or concern for my wellbeing, but as an insult. As something that makes me "lesser". As if, in the case that I were delusional, that would be a flaw in my character.
It's disgusting, truly, how these spaces act toward delusional people. They are not any less than you just because they experience something completely out of their control. They are not any less than you for having a symptom you don't have.
It's ableist as fuck to exclude these people from the community, especially if they're just looking for like-minded people. This is the internet. Most of us are not mental health professionals. It's not our job to dictate what these people can or can't do. It's not our job to diagnose random ass people as having a very serious symptom just because they have a different experience to you.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
I am a clinical zoanthrope. I have schizophrenia. If you have read my posts or blog before this should be no surprise as I am quite open about it. These labels that have been put on me affect nearly every aspect of my life, and greatly affect how I interact with the community. There is often a lot of discussion surrounding ideas of physical identity, delusion and if these things should be acceptable within the community or how to handle these topics.
Length: 3676 words
TW: delusions, reality checking, mentions of medical abuse
The year before last, I had spent quite a bit of time working with another academic to construct a historical materialist analysis of therianthropy. Historical materialism for people who are not familiar is a method of analysing history through the lens of production and class society. In particular, given the apparent wealth of historical therianthropy among “primitive” society, and the narrow niche of modern therianthropy, as well as my own treatment at the hands of the medical system, I wished to understand the origins of the oppression of therianthropic identity. I have to date not completed the project for a number of reasons - limited available literature regarding the transition from pre-class society to slave society particularly regarding religious and spiritual beliefs, personal health and time, and forcing myself to create a complex system of double bookkeeping and analysing my experiences through a materialist lens essentially constantly and forcibly reality checking myself constantly was very taxing.
Although I did not get to the state to write and publish the paper, I did learn a fair bit, and I think the most important concept within this discussion is the concept of delusion and how we define it. There is a common vulgar definition of delusion as believing anything that is not real or not backed by scientific consensus. But then there are many things people believe which is not backed by scientific consensus. While certainly there are people who would say that anyone who believes in ghosts or the Christian God are delusional, nearly half of the people in my country believe in God, however we lack any materialist evidence at this point for such a thing. The state of being identified by others as delusional comes with some pretty serious consequences, it should be noted though that these consequences are not applied to people who believe in God. Similarly, there are times when scientific consensus is simply wrong. Is the man who rejects the inherent inferiority of the [Sub-saharan Afrikan] race because of their skull shape and “thick skin” delusional? We today would collectively say no. For a man in the early 19th century, this would have been scientific consensus even if now we should find such a thought abhorrent. Was he then delusional? (Though some people did try to justify slaves escaping as a mental health condition Drapetomania, and historical terms like madness are often connected to modern terms like delusion and psychosis). I think often modern humans can create an almost religion out of science and progress and belief in their own rationalism - that not only is there absolute objective truth, but they can and do know it all in this particular moment, and that the society they exist within does not effect an impact on their view.
It is important to understand that delusion has a fairly specific definition and caveat when talking in a medical definition. That important caveat is that the belief conflicts, or is not standard, within their culture or subculture. Not only that, the belief must be very fixed and firmly set which does not respond/change to the presence of outside evidence. This cultural context is an important factor in the diagnostic criteria for delusions, as well as dissociative disorders like OSDD and DID (it may well be important for other conditions diagnostic criteria as well though I lack experience to speak on that topic).
Delusions -are- very much socially defined. I make the joke often that a rich man hears the voice of God he runs for office, I hear the voice of a spirit and need to be on antipsychotics. There are a number of examples namely in SEA where the experience of transforming into another animal would be considered entirely within the range of normal possibility (though notably with tigers primarily). There are also cultures and practices in which physical transformation is not considered delusion but a normal part of ritual notably among the Xan peoples. Among some Siberian cultures as part of hunting some will take essentially the mind of a wolf. In South Asia there are also recorded practices in which a person’s soul is bonded to and moved to an animal’s body in the night. Most people those reading this might encounter day to day would think these are surely delusions, but for those people, it is just a normal part of life and culture.
Most people here would collectively agree that therianthropy is not a delusion, however from outside the community many easily could argue it. You -are- human, you can look at your body and it and see that it -is- human. If you argue for past lives, there exists no evidence supporting that and no evidence supporting the existence of spirit or plausible explanation beyond hallucination despite many attempts to measure their existence. Nor do you have the instincts of that animal because you are clearly a human, and any "instincts" you might have are phantoms of the mind or attaching to a certain animal as a way to manage your life. However neither of these explanations would be acceptable nor would they convince you that you are wholly and entirely human.
Similarly with transgender identity, people here would collectively agree that is not a delusion. But 60 years ago? Or among transphobes? You are experiencing a delusion. You are obviously a wo/man, and no amount of hormones, [presentation], or [surgery] will change that. We would all collectively say fuck that shit, but you know who agrees under certain circumstances? WPATH in their Standards of Care directly notes among certain conditions of transgender identity as delusion (or at least in their old SOC before informed consent became common). It is common for people with schizo-spectrum disorders and higher level structural dissociative disorders to be denied care, or to face significant pushback. But this can also be true for all sorts of other “less serious” conditions such as austime, adhd, depression etc. This is something I have faced, and who knows how many others have faced it as well.
But what a delusion is very much defined by perspective and culture. It is easy when sitting on the "non-delusional" side of a cultural belief, to believe the order of things is logical. However, when I must construct materialist explanations of experiences, a task for which I am forced as part of double bookkeeping, the differences between my "delusional" experiences, and others "nondelusional" experiences especially in regards to therianthropy is one of degree, not of kind. Do not make the mistake to think that in other scenarios, other cultures, your experiences may be seen as delusions, and in other places, mine as natural and grounded in reality.
My experience as a clinical zoanthrope has left me often feeling quite divorced from the community, that I am separate, unwelcome, or an interloper in what is supposed to be my own community. I have been in the community for a while, but only at certain points felt comfortable to really call myself therian, a feeling which is again waning. There is a strong push constantly against physical identity. Even the most (in)famous phrase in wider culture about therians is the “on all levels except physical I am a wolf”. However this pushback against physical identities, especially from the concerns over P-shifter cults and abuses, created an environment that for me to be tolerated, I would have to constantly “show insight” or really reality check myself, and ensure all the others there knew that I knew my experience was not real and was not like their experiences were (that theirs were real and different). I still often have to do the dance describing my experiences, and even in the terms I use for myself as a clinical zoanthrope is indirectly that same dance.
The therian community often prides itself on how accepting it is. Though to be honest, I really have to question if this is the case. I have always felt unwelcome by the broader community. But so have very many others. It always strikes me that whenever I really share my experiences, how many others really relate to that feeling of not feeling wholly secure or belonging within the community. My orca friend, Ike, has talked quite a lot how they simply did not join the community for so long for feeling unwelcome. Sharing my experiences on a discord server a few weeks ago I learned another member was also a zoanthrope but had never shared it for fear of ostracization. A number of others expressed sentiments of feeling not total included, some for shift strengths, some for things like sexuality, theriomythics often get excluded, etc. Heck, by some accounts even the transition to the term Therian away from Were was an effort to include more people besides just shapeshifters.
Really when you think about it, it is not surprising so many people feel excluded in various ways. Therians have all these lines that you have to sit inside of and not cross to be acceptable to the community. But when you try to actually measure those lines many are not only extremely blurry, but vary person to person. Indeed my own experience is that there are people that do accept me, even if the wider community does not, and that is really the only reason I stayed.
The community has historically for instance a pretty hard stance on delusion and hallucination. The question though is, when does a shift move from being a socially acceptable phantom shift, to an unacceptable hallucination. For me in particular, my sensation of shift goes through a fairly long process of getting more and more intense, but it is also really a quite smooth process. It is like following a colour line, when does ‘blue’ truly begin? The first sensation is often a slight tickling, and very light phantom touch that you can sort of see through the feeling on your body. Beyond that the sensation gets more intense and becomes bothered from having things push against or intersect it. Further it begins to have not only form but colour and texture, but still if I look at the limb I cannot see it, I still see a human limb, though I do not expect it. Further the visual appearance comes in more and more until eventually my human parts are gone, transformed into animal parts I can see and I can touch. When we write it out like this it is pretty separately defined, but in the process this occurs for me, it is very smooth.
After enough quantitative change, there is a qualitative change, but where and when that occurs is hard to say. I think the first two experiences are very common among therians. I think the third experience is also fairly common but that starts to get more and more into the blurry lines, and if you cannot see where that line is you are likely to downplay your own experiences for fear if you say too much, you will be excised or ostracised from the community. But this fear also has the doubly cruel aspect that you can never really know where that line is because many people downplay their experiences to make them palatable, and so though many others might share in these experiences, people simply do not speak of them because they only see either extreme being shared, the particularly minor shifts being accepted, or the extreme shifts being sorted into delusions. I think it creates a false binary from a spectrum of experiences.
So many of these blurry lines exist though. What age can you be taken seriously? What platform do you use? How many kintypes is too many? Theriotypes being too common? Theriotypes being too rare? Are paleotherians acceptable? Are theriomythics acceptable? Can a dragon be a therian? Can an otherlinker or copinglinker have their identity so long it becomes therian? Are beastly animals from fictional settings acceptable or should they be with fictionkind? What sort of sexual and romantic expression is allowable? Is transspecies an acceptable identity? Some of these are blurry, some of them are clear, but they all wiggle around in different ways of some people will find them acceptable and some not. This leads to people self-censoring to the safe answers that they know are acceptable and prevents them really exploring their own identities, but also these questions within the community as it learns and grows and becomes more inclusive. In a certain irony, therianthropes as a community, are actually quite demanding in their conformity while preaching of their acceptance.
There has been a significant push in recent years to give greater levels of inclusion to therians with both delusional identities and physical identities. People are generally more accepting of zoanthropes and at points I have felt comfortable even to call myself therian and not just a member of the community. But there are also a number of additional terms, namely endel and holothere, which cover these experiences. However, something I note often when people talk why I as a clinical zoanthrope can be acceptable, while P-shifters and at times holotheres cannot, still comes down to that I acknowledge my experience as delusion. When I read the experiences of at least some p-shifters and holotheres, often the difference really is not so great, I often see their experiences mimicking or mirroring my own. I do use the word clinical zoanthropy, which on some level does indicate an understanding I know that at least others see my experiences as not real. This is a pretty common feeling among zoanthropes, we use this word, we know the humans think our experiences are not real, but they are incredibly real to us.
The question then is what should be done with us? There is a lot of comment that allowing us in the community to share our experiences or not reality checking people is encouraging delusion. People also say that delusions are harmful and that we should seek medical help. There are quite a few people who even wish to excise or isolate those who are anti-psychiatry and anti-recovery from the community.
If I am forced to analyse my experiences through a materialist and distant lens, it is quite clear my experiences are heavily rooted in delusion. I am a scientist, and there is no means under current knowledge to explain what I experience except hallucination - still I believe it fully. My knowing this is the only logical explanation does not lead me to believe it, to truly believe it inside. I mentioned before I had to give up on projects I did really enjoy because forcing myself to continuously deny my experiences and continuously reality check myself, brought to me very much distress. There are times I have wanted to be reality checked, but for vast part that is the remainder it is really distressing. It is distressing to be told a core part of your identity is not real, to be told the you that exists isn’t the real you, and sometimes see people mourning the “sane you”. Individuals in the community are not going to solve my “delusion” by reality checking myself or others.
Nor will them blocking me from the community or ensuring I do the dance for them encourage my “delusions” away. Delusions are heavily fixed experiences, and though you can encourage them in certain ways (think the example of people making “in your walls” jokes at schizophrenics), us talking about and sharing our experiences with each other and in our own community helps us feel understood and a sense of belonging. There are so few of us to start with, and the community closest to us either often disallows us, or makes us sit at the edge never really able to join. All banning us does is further isolate us, and for many delusions reinforces that we will never be acceptable or tolerable to others and it is best we are alone so we don’t hurt others with our presence.
I cannot speak on every person’s delusions, but I can speak on my own. For the question of if delusions are harmful, I think it often asks the wrong question. Who is it harmful to? Under what framework? Who thinks it is harmful? What does the patient want? I think one could say that my delusions of turning into a whale do harm me. I have trouble to interact with humans, I cannot work a full time job, I struggle in relationships, many nights I lay on the couch stuck for hours simply unable to move. These are all pretty negative things no? But it fails to ask why are these things harmful? A doctor looks through a very human framework and sees that I cannot do the human things and sees that I must have a poor quality of life and these delusions need to be addressed. But I am a whale and it is a core part of me, these things can be distressing, but whales cannot interact with humans the same way two humans would, work a full time job, have relationships with humans, and if you stuck them on a couch they would also not be able to move. This all is distressing and perhaps harmful, but then what other option is there? What the humans offer to me as solution is far worse.
I am anti-recovery, at least for myself. I think it is important to ask what does recovery look like? For me recovery would be to return to the water where I belong. But the humans would certainly say otherwise. For them recovery would look like fitting into and functioning within human society - having a job, a house, a car, a husband, kids, going on holiday, etc. I am not a human and I do not wish to be a human and live among them. However what is worse is how the humans would go about fixing that. I have been locked in hospitals, I have been strapped down, I have been sedated, I have been put on horrible meds that destroyed things I cared about and have often left me a shell of a person (there is a reason they were marketed as a chemical lobotomy). Some things I have gotten better in over time, and I can hold a job for the moment, even quite technical and difficult jobs.
However, the damage done to me from the humans was severe. Although I can talk about being a whale as delusion, the why is really far more impactful and distressing in my life. I was taken from the water, turned human, and am a useful thing for the humans. This understanding of myself as merely a tool and something the humans can do whatever they want with me is the real distressing aspect of my life. For me, the ‘help’ I received at the hospital only strengthened and set this delusion in so much firmer. I can look back at certain experiences, I can see the humans don’t have the technology to do what they did to me, but then I also have those years in the hospital, those years where everything was very apparent and clear and something that others can confirm and it seems to only further make plausible the experiences of the past, and those in the present the fear for what the humans will do to me. I know that I am deteriorating, I am struggling more and more, but nothing the humans offer me will make things better, they will only hurt me more, and if I ask for help, and reject it, they will only see it as proof I need the help more and force it onto me, which will only further reinforce that delusion.
If someone wishes to see a doctor and talk about therian things, I do often warn them of caution for what happened to myself and I do not want others hurt that way. I also urge them to think about what they want as the outcome from that discussion or what they hope will happen. A lot of mentally ill people have been hurt by doctors who thought they knew best, and once something is said, it cannot be undone. However, in the end they are free to decide what they will, and are free to navigate the medical system if they think it will benefit them.
For myself, I struggle to believe that doctors would really help me and instead work to help myself and my cetacean friends so that maybe someday we could swim again and swim forever. That we can fix ourselves and heal. That in time the deep scars across our bodies might start to fade and look like the scars of other captive cetaceans. That instead of surviving merely trying to please the humans to not be hurt, that we might actually -live- and have the life we were denied.
We are still people with agency, agency to choose our own path, to choose what brings us joy, to decide what we want from life, and from our healthcare. Or at least we should be granted that agency. We should not be excluded from the community or forced to dance around our experiences as not real for the comfort of others who happen to lie on the other side of the sane-delusional line, afterall the positioning of that line is very arbitrary and could easily swing to find yourself on my side of that line.
Idk if this is the right place to ask, but can OCD also trigger like hallucinations or paychosis or something as like a symptom? Sorry this is kinda an awkward question T-T
Hallucinations are not a symptom of OCD itself. If you start experiencing hallucinations, its more likely you have some sort of schizospec disorder that is *overlapping* with the OCD.
People who are schizospec are more likely to have OCD than non-psychotics, so that is an important factor to keep in mind. 12-15% of schizospec people have OCD. Quote from "The Relationships Between Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and Psychosis: An Unresolved Issue" [link.]
The comorbidity OCS/OCD-SZ (obsessive compulsive symptoms/disorder-schizophrenia) seems to be more frequent than previously supposed, as patients suffering from SZ seem to present OCS and OCD in, respectively, 25% and 12% of the cases. According to another study this comorbidity would involve 12-15% of the patients with a primary diagnosis of psychotic spectrum, being this prevalence six times greater than that expected in the general population. Again, almost 30% of SZ patients might present OCS, with three main conditions identified: prodromal symptoms of SZ, co-occurrence of OCS and SZ, and antipsychotics-induced OCS. Recent meta-analyses showed that approximately 12-14% of schizophrenic patients may meet the diagnostic criteria for OCD, and up to 30% of them report subclinical OCS.
OCD *can* cause some degree of delusion, however, and this is an important detail to tackle.
For those unaware of the difference - a hallucination is seeing, hearing, feeling, or otherwise sensing something that does not actually exist. A delusion believing something that is not actually occuring, ie, thinking you are being stalked when theres no evidence of stalking.
Hallucinations and delusions can occur at the same time for some people (ie; believing you are being stalked, and as a result of that belief, you start seeing a person following you when they aren't actually there.)
Hallucinations are not OCD, but if you have OCD *and* a psychotic disorder, hallucinations may be *triggered* by OCD or vice versa.
The primary difference is people with OCD generally have an easier time identifying when a delusion is not real, unless their delusions are being reinforced by outsiders*, or they have a comorbid psychotic disorder.
*For example, growing up in a cult that insists ones obsessions are 100% factual inputs from a deity. Another example would be having moral OCD about a demonized characteristic of oneself (ie; a person with a demonized paraphilias being regularly called an abuser, and fully believing that it must be true because everyone keeps saying it is.)
Quote from "Can OCD cause psychosis?" by Charlie Health [link]:
Most people with OCD maintain awareness that their thoughts are irrational, even if they feel distressing. However, in cases of poor insight (where someone doesn’t understand that their obsessions and compulsions are excessive or unreasonable), an OCD sufferer may believe their obsessive thoughts are entirely true, mimicking delusional thinking and raising questions about the presence of OCD psychosis.
Now, this isn't to say a person with psychosis can't identify a delusion as false - some people can identify it as false through input from others*, or can realize their delusion is false if theyre in a "light episode" or an early stage. But in a majority of delusional episodes, people with psychosis do not have the ability to tell a delusion is false.
*DO NOT give input on someone's delusions unless they consent BEFORE the episode is happening! Reality checking is not beneficial to everyone, and can make the delusion worse for some people! More on that here [link].
TLDR:
-People with schizospec disorders are more likely to have OCD than non-psychotics.
-People with OCD often experience delusions, but *generally* have the ability to identify their delusion as false, unless a delusion is actively being reinforced by outsiders, or they have a comorbid psychotic disorder.
-People with OCD do not experience hallucinations unless they have a comorbid condition.
[PT: TLDR:
-People with schizospec disorders are more likely to have OCD than non-psychotics.
-People with OCD often experience delusions, but *generally* have the ability to identify their delusion as false, unless a delusion is actively being reinforced by outsiders.
-People with OCD do not experience hallucinations unless they have a comorbid condition. /End PT]
hey, you can completely ignore this and i’m sorry if you arent the right person to ask, but what’s your opinion on yumeshipping with someone who has a different sexual orientation than ur gender(ie yumeing with a straight girl as a woman, yumeing with a lesbian as a man, etc)
tw :: reality checking
I personally selfship with an undead robot guy and I'm aroace. I don't consider myself fictosexual. my s/i is agender and Springtrap in my mind is a demiromantic bisexual he/it. it's contradictory and there's no indication of him being queer in the games but I think we can do whatever we want forever!! we are effectively just playing with toys, whatever is fun is fun!!
I have a more nuanced take elaborated on below but overall I think you should be able to do whatever you want as long as the fictional characters are of age and can consent. i can definitely understand why people can find it weird but at the end of the day this is fiction and you can do anything you like.
I see selfshippers online who realise they're lesbian and then genderswap their male f/o to be female, or sometimes they don't care and keep him male as a fictional exception. either is cool!! some people take selfshipping very seriously as a coping mechanism and some people just do it for fun - i think most of the discourse comes from when these two groups clash (or two very dedicated groups argue between themselves). it isn't bad to take it very seriously, but if you do i think you have to learn how to take a step back and curate your own space. if you can't handle your f/o's character being changed in any way you should be completely nonsharing for your own comfort.
ultimately these characters are not real; they were made to function a certain way in the stories they come from. if that story or character's arc revolves around queer visibility then I can 100% see why it would feel hurtful to see these traits be removed from a character. unfortunately you can't control what other people do with a fictional character and I don't think a random post from me or anyone else will stop that.
it completely depends on the situation but I like to believe people can be civil with handling this kind of thing. if you're changing the sexuality of your f/o to match with your own gender then you're presumably a big fan of their source material and have thought about it in a nuanced way. if you don't like how someone's done it you can chat to them if they're open to it, or otherwise just block them. that being said I've never seen someone make a character straight just to selfship with them, but maybe I just don't interact enough with other selfshippers.
lots of people exist on the internet with differing opinions and that's why the block button exists!! I don't keep up with label discourse either, even when they're contradictory, because I just accept i probably don't understand the history of the term and your own experience enough to get it. if that's right for you then it's right for you, I can't tell you what you are. if that selfship makes you happy, then I'm not going to tell you it's weird or wrong, i'll just block you if it makes me personally uncomfortable.
the only time I might find it a bit weird is if you're selfshipping with a real person and changing facts about them. I have the RPF tag blogged because all of it makes me a little uncomfortable. I don't think you're a bad person if you selfship with real people though, i just don't really get it but you do you <3
again i might be wrong about some of this and my opinions are open!! I've just always been very 'don't like don't read' and anti-harrassment. people will selfship however they want and i don't think any amount of arguing over it will change that, I've always just blocked what i don't like and chosen not to interact with it.
tw: reality checking mention (done by members/headmates to another member/headmate); delusion mentions; vent
I want to p-shift. I feel like it’s the best way to feel me. I don’t have much dysphoria but it would still be amazing to be able to be more like myself for once in my life. The problem comes when Seth, Rage, and (rarely) Connor try to reality check me. I hate it. Ik they just want me to be safe, and ik that I’m delusional (/srs), but still. I don’t like being denied like this. I want to be able to shift without judgement. Idk, nothing against them, they r just looking out for me, but ya….
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Anyone who thinks Al is there's get the fuck away from me. He will never be yours, you will never be his. I am his one true love, he will never love you. You can ship yourself with him but it's not gonna do anything. Weird Al selfshippers DNI and go eat an ant.
argh okay so. our existence is defined by a constant background level of not-quite-psychosis (with paranoia, magical thinking, not-quite-delusional but still-not-normal beliefs, mildly disorganized speech that typically presents in giant tangents and rambles but doesn't get to the same level of disorganized/incomprehensible as is typically thought of with disorganized speech, illusions/atypical perceptions without true hallucinations, etc) punctuated by occasional proper psychotic episodes (major delusions, hallucinations, severe dissociation, significantly more disorganized speech that may come out as actual word salad (not the buzzword version of "word salad" the term has been watered down into by pop psychology)).
EXCEPT FOR. our belief in ourselves being a dolphin. if we're to go the "purely psychological explanations only, no spiritual or supernatural explanations allowed" route, other beliefs in our biological nonhumanity (ie, weredog, shapeshifter, alien) are better explained by our trauma and DID due to what happened to us and what was done. perhaps our belief of having multiple different bodies across different worlds could theoretically count, but we see that as more of... a bridge between our not-quite-delusional beliefs and our "delusional" beliefs to cross the logical gaps, rather than being a "delusion" on its own. and this belief in being a dolphin comes with "hallucinations" that tie directly into it, when we otherwise experience none.
now, while we do genuinely believe we are biologically a dolphin and are unable to be swayed, and while we don't believe it to be a delusion, we have the (self?) awareness to recognize that others do. we have the awareness to be able to hide it from others. we aren't generally distressed by or made less functional due to being a dolphin (even if we get homesick)--far from it; it's usually a very positive experience, especially when we get to be in the water and act as a dolphin would, even if humans would say we don't look the part. the only distress we experience "due to" being a dolphin is more accurately blamed on how humans would treat us if they knew what we believed; our knowledge that they would see us as delusional and as "crazy", and our knowledge that they would treat us significantly worse (as "insane", as "irrational", as "dangerous") if they knew what we were, are the only truly distressing parts, and it's what leads us to hiding.
if you were to ask us what we feel we should do, we would say that our belief in being biologically a dolphin should not count towards how we assess "what's wrong with us". however, we don't know that others (especially those with authority) would say the same, when it is so clearly a "delusional" belief, especially with the oh-so-prevalent belief that all delusions are always bad and the goal must always be to "fix" them. we understand that there is a strong likelihood that "professionals" would say that the presence of our "delusion" means we are in true psychosis--and that that must be fixed.
never mind that the only thing that truly causes us distress about being a dolphin is how we know other people would treat us for being a "delusional, dangerous, insane human". never mind that our actual psychotic episodes, which--while short-lived and triggered only by stress--are incredibly disorienting and can cause us problems, we think should be tackled entirely separately simply because they present so obviously and so differently to our baseline. never mind that we don't ever experience true delusions or hallucinations outside of our actual psychotic episodes. never mind that us being a dolphin is, comparatively, a complete and total non-issue!
the lines between "normal" and "abnormal", and the lines between different kinds of "abnormal", are so often drawn with little to no consideration for the actual people whose lives are defined by them. and it Fucking Sucks. especially when we can't trust the "professionals" in this area to have our best interests in mind, rather than the best interests of the poor, delusional human in denial that doesn't actually exist in mind, nor could we trust that even if they did, the information of how we see ourselves wouldn't get to others who would be more incompetent, egotistical, and/or cruel, and would cause us harm in the exact way we fear. we wouldn't be able to trust that anything we said to a "professional" wouldn't bite us in the ass weeks, months, or years down the line--especially as an intersex and trans person in a world where intersexism and transphobia are becoming increasingly more blatant and commonplace.
wish people would stop saying how Rare CL/CZ supposedly is. really, truly, it is not as rare as people think it is. (i mean, just look at the community on here--it's small, sure, but if it were really as rare as people thought, there wouldn't be a community) only 40-odd cases? seriously? that's all you think there is? ignore the possibility of double bookkeeping, or of recognizing that people will think you're a monster if they find out What You Are, i guess. or how few professionals even know about it, or think it's so rare they won't ever deal with it, and so dismiss the cases they see (which, btw, is only exacerbated by people claiming it's rare). or how many people may not even realize their perception isn't quite like others'--including other, non-physical and non-delusional therians.
it's only ever brought up to either invalidate us, or to say "there's so few of them, so they're not a threat." as if that's what makes us not dangerous. as if there would be reason to be afraid of us if we weren't so "few"--ignoring that we aren't fucking evil just because of our experiences.
"oh, clinical lycanthropy is so rare, you--" stop it! cut it out! quit treating us like a hypothetical! we exist, we're real, and we're right fucking here! we can hear the way you talk about us!
