#tw highschool

i’ve been out of high school for a while now and seeing this quote is helping me so much in beginning to heal some of the trauma i went through during those years. idk if i’ve ever talked about it on here but i went to high school in an extremely conservative area. despite being in california it was genuinely filled with nazis and proud boys and the worst people on the planet. the average student in my year was a traditional conservative god fearing gun loving gay hating violently racist teenager with poor emotional regulation skills, it was terrifying. i mean if you weren’t actively forcing yourself to assimilate to and placate these people, you were putting yourself in a very dangerous position. my best friend and i seemed to get an above average amount of backlash from these people, not sure if it’s bc were both gay and mexican or because of the club we started that was meant to educate people on activism and politics— either way it probably doesn’t matter, these people didn’t think too much before hurling death threats at us. there was the impulsive attacks, the slurs and the pushes, and the calculated ones, where people would wait around for us outside our classrooms to physically harass us just enough (not enough to get anyone in trouble but enough to cause constant fear and anxiety). after reading this quote, though, i started developing a new sense of respect for my 14 year old self. one that insists this creature is not only deserving of but owed the care it takes to heal from trauma. we were the toughest guy in the club. no matter how fucking terrifying these violent, plaid-clad, gun-owning teens were, we refused to diminish ourselves to make them more comfortable. we got so many death threats. like. i didn’t think you could still threaten to burn people at the stake but it happened to me [several] times from age 13 on. we, to our own detriment, went out of our way to make them more uncomfortable. it wasn’t our job to and we shouldn’t have had to, but our saftey at the time was prioritized far below making sure we didn’t reward their behavior. i’ve never really considered it in this way before because it felt so normal to me at the time, but seeing myself at those ages as an accidental cupcake-presenting tough guy weirdly allows me to process the undeniable trauma inflicted on me, through a newfound respect for myself. i think this is a crucial step in finally letting myself start to heal from wounds i didn’t know i had. i just texted my best friend “we were the toughest guy in the club!!!” and he was like yeah whatever you say bud!! but. i hope this makes sense.