#turin2022

///////// Eurovision Song Contest

🇮🇹 ITALY // Turin

2022

///////// FEEL THE VIBE

28. DENMARK ReDDI - “The show” 31st place

Decade ranking: 56/79 [Above Uku, below TIX]

I’m back from holiday, bitches! Time to update this more frequently, and finally get to the entries I fucking care about.

Nobody fucking cares about ReDDI, STeDDI, FLoP though. I don’t think we should mistake our collective relief when they won Denmark’s A-BYS-MAL selection (seriously the worst NF of this year, which given the “efforts” by Germany and Israel, was a fucking achievement.) for an indicator of goodness.  Any euphoria I could have felt about ReDDI was immediately quenched by France and Serbia picking Fulenn and Konstrakta respectively, two uproarious acts we all (you better) grew obsessed with upon impact.

“You can’t stop me” - Irony. 

Notionally, my misandrist ass should get behind 🌸~*Girl Powah*~ 🌸  in any form but this year had plenty of that, so I can afford to be a bit picky, tee-hee!  😋 Reddi’s brand of Girl Power is, both visually and lyrically some basic catalogue material.

Also, they are also doing Amanda’s Dead Opening Minute thing? The first half of ‘The Show’ by ReDDi is too slow and quite DeaDDI. If there had been SOME (any) pay-off in the second half for that it’d be okay to sit through a an agonizing ninety seconds of Siggy slowly frumping her way through a parade of Unfortunate Singing Faces but- 

-for a song by that name, “The show” possesses very little of it and the little it has sounds like a poprock tune that might have been popular in a time before today’s college freshmen had been born. Who on earth would be interested in hearing a song like that in 2022 AD? Why, the head of Danmarks Radioordningen, of course. 😑

There are figments of positivity in my feelings about ReDDI though. They DID save us from what would have been yet another horrible Danish entrant (any of the other 7 in DMGP 2022), and I dug the return of Soluna Samay’s Enthusiastic Fake Drummer Girl to the contest for another display of Enthusiastically Fake Girl-Drumming. Ihan is the best part of “The Show”, and I won’t hear otherwise.

But overall, I’m mostly just relieved that ReDDI didn’t get into the way of Systur’s qualification and am kind of amused by how they randomly beat Eat Your Salad in the fucking televote (lmfaooooo. I know I haven’t ranked Citi Zeni yet but that’s so hilarious to me - OWNED!!!). Otherwise, meh. Things certainly could have been a lot worse, so I’m happy to just count my blessings and move on.

AND NOW ON TO RANKING BETTER (more entertaining but still not good) THINGS IN THE NEXT POST!!! Whenever that’ll be~

THE RANKING:

27. LATVIA Citi Zeni - “Eat your salad” 32nd place

Decade ranking: 55/79 [Above Tix, below Blind Channel]

‘INSTEAD OF MEAT, I EAT VEGGIES AND.’

Has there ever been an opening line more indicative of an act’s overal journey? There probably has been, but not in this year. Citi Zeni attempt to provoke via ready-made sexual innuendo’s and are (cock)blocked before they can, resort to more increasedly infantile tricks, rinse & repeat.

Now you *would* expect me to appreciate Citi Zeni just for their misfortune ‘cause boy did RAI *and* the EBU screw them over, but I only sort of do! As the old adage goes, any gimmick or joke that goes for an immediate laugh runs the risk of turning annoying with age and exposure. This is one such case, so here we are.

Of course, at Supernova, Citi Zeni were the immediate stand-out and I really liked them. If one were to go for a gimmick entry other than “Rich Itch”, then sure, pick the one where a bunch of frat douches talk graphically about cunnilingus and flex about their dick size using vegan metaphors to a bouncy tune. It’s a bit babby’s first Locker Room Talk, but the humour and fun couldn’t be denied!

However, after Citi Zeni won Supernova I quickly realized  they are stylized pick-up artists performing a Bruno-style Comedy Funk track and there’s simply no recovering from that image. Ew, ew, motherfucking EW!!!!

FORTUNATELY, The EBU decided to be prudes on a whim and played their “UM THIS IS A FAMILY SHOW” card. Citi Zeni were forced to sanitize themselves and pull the sort of juvenile Pollapönk-esque crap only a pre-teen would love. So they did some silly dances and pulled some stupid faces to sell some semblance of a Fun Factor, and that just didn’t work for me. Like, I could catalogue and gif it, but it was so basic it bored me instead.  

On the plus side, the shift in tone from ‘Girls Gone Wild crew members on the prowl at Mardi Gras’ to ‘plonkers in coloursuits spasming around aimlessly’  also made Citi Zeni less competent and more annoying. Thus, they were reduced to non-qualifier fodder (yes below ReDDI who were arguably the deadest of all semifinalists!) as opposed to the Ickolas-style overbearing MENACE they could have been. Now that they haven’t robbed anyone at the contest, I can be at peace with their being. ☯ This year may not have been great, but at least it got most of its results right. 

THE RANKING: