#trustissue

Trust requires hard and constant work. It’s a process that needs real effort from everyone involved. It can be difficult to trust others because it can be scary, daunting, or potentially dangerous. But figuring out how to trust yourself and others in healthy ways can enrich your life.  

There are countless posts and books and articles out there that will tell you the strategies, tips and tricks to trusting others, but none of those things will work until you first start trusting yourself. Putting trust on others while you do not trust yourself or vice versa can create an uneven and potentially toxic relationship. Trust is a balancing act between all parties involved.  

Trusting yourself can be hard but the steps are simple. There is also no one specific way to learn to trust yourself, so if your journey doesn’t follow a certain order that doesn’t mean that you’re not making progress.  

The most important thing you can do in trusting yourself is to build a relationship with yourself. It means spending time with and by yourself and getting to know what you like or don’t like. It means being kind to yourself by not always critiquing everything you do or building so much pressure against yourself. It means being very honest with yourself and not giving yourself excuses as to why you do or don’t do certain things. It means respecting yourself and not belittling yourself. It means loving yourself and being content with who you are. No one works on these things one time and suddenly they’ve reached their best versions. But striving to do these things as consistently and as often as you can will only help build a positive relationship with yourself. 

Another thing to do as you build a relationship with yourself is to reflect on the things that you are doing, on the decisions you are making, and in the things that you are saying about yourself. Check-in with yourself from time to time. Are you making decisions because of what others are saying or are you making decisions based on what you want or need or based on what others are telling you? If you leave the control of your life on others, you can feel lost.  

Building a relationship with yourself means being tuned into the voice inside of you may be hard to do at first because you don’t know what to listen for, but over time, if you take a moment to think about what you’re doing or saying and figuring out why you’re doing or saying them, your inner voice will get stronger. In turn, you will be able to listen that voice and trust what it tells you.  

Trusting yourself is also about knowing yourself. People don’t trust what they don’t know. So if you know who you are, you can feel secure when you make a decision about taking a class or going out on a date or figuring out what job to apply to. You can feel secure that whatever happens you will be able to take care of yourself because you trust in your abilities and skills.  

Trusting others is an extension of trusting yourself. Trusting others can be trickier because you’re not in control of people’s words, actions, or decisions. Plus, there are bad people out there who will do what they can to manipulate you and your trust to get whatever they want. Even still, despite those people, there are plenty of other good people out there who want nothing but the best for you. It’s being able to gravitate to those people that can help you build a strong support system of people that you can trust with parts of your life.  

As social creatures, we need human interactions. So it can feel scary to feel like you must rely on others. When it comes to trusting others, the same things apply to how you trust yourself. Are the qualities you’re developing to trust yourself being extended to others? If so, are they doing the same in return? Trust is never just a one-way street so if you feel that it’s becoming more and more like that, then perhaps it’s important to reassess your relationship with that person and figure out what the conflict is and why it’s happening.  

If you trust yourself and see those qualities in others, chances are that they are doing the hard work of trusting themselves. They may be good candidates of people to trust. Keep in mind, however, that not all trust is created equally. Nor is it a requirement to trust everyone with the same things. That is ok. People are complex creatures and there may be things where you find yourself trusting someone with something more than you would another person. It's not always the case that they’re untrustworthy people, either. It may be due to your relationship with them. You wouldn’t necessarily trust a classmate with private information the way you would your significant other or your best friend. Perhaps your level of trust is based from experience. Just remember to be mindful of why you’re trusting certain people with certain things and if that’s rooted in something negative, devious, or even petty. Do you not trust them because they continue to flake on you for planned events and not show up? Or do you not trust them because you overheard someone once say that they’re completely unreliable without knowing anything more than that? Get to the reasons why you might not trust someone because you might find that your issues with them might be something more or beyond just trust.

Another important thing about trusting others is that you are not obligated to trust people if you do not want to. Developing your inner voice and trusting yourself can build your understanding of people and their qualities and why you do or do not trust them. Just like not everyone has to be your friend, not everyone has to have your trust.  

Trust is a commitment you take on every single day. It takes work and it takes time but trusting yourself and others can be and is a worthwhile endeavor to having a fuller and better life.

References:

Cirino, E. (n.d.). 6 Tips for Building Trust in Yourself (T. J. Legg, Ed.). Retrieved from Healthline website: https://www.healthline.com/health/trusting-yourself

Ishak, R. (2016, August 11). 11 Ways To Learn How To Trust Others Again, According To Experts. Retrieved from Bustle website: https://www.bustle.com/articles/177783-11-ways-to-learn-how-to-trust-others-again-according-to-experts

Gray, J. (2018, April 21). How I Learned To Trust People Again (& How You Can Too). Retrieved from Jordan Gray Consulting website: https://www.jordangrayconsulting.com/how-to-trust-people-again/

Campbell, K. (n.d.). How I Learned to Trust Others by Learning to Trust Myself. Retrieved from Tiny Buddha - Simple Wisdom for Complex Lives website: https://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-i-learned-to-trust-others-by-learning-to-trust-myself/

(n.d.). 13 Simple Strategies for Building Trust. Retrieved from Live Your True Story - Authentic Success and Happiness website: https://www.liveyourtruestory.com/13-simple-strategies-for-building-trust-communication/

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