#trigger warning fire

But the last month has been so fucking wild, so I’m going to vent rant here for a bit, first let me say this, I am trying get disability, because I have health issues and learning disabilities, so I had to sit and do an assessment for like 6 hours or something, back in November. But anyway it was to figure out what I might have come to find out I have a severe disability with numbers, anything to do with numbers, and then I found out I have autism, which not really a surprise I did my research before, like I have with other stuff. I know myself so well that I can go online research stuff and already know what I have before a professional tells me.(always get professional advice!!!!) So when I found out my mom laughed cause she knew that I already I knew that before being told. But anyway I have autism, severe disability with numbers, (I’m going to brag about myself a little cause I have something to be proud of) my reading and writing are that of a college level, and I have a extremely fast processing speed. So this was all very validating for me.

Then I guess like a week later? I’m sitting in my apartment with my mom, dad, and younger sister, we hear the fire alarm go, and well we’ve lived here for like 5.5 years and in those years we’ve had three fires, and multiple false alarms to the point we thought oh it’s nothing someone burned lunch, right? So my dad goes knocking on doors and I go with him, a lot of old people live in the building and might not hear it, so as we go to the fire doors he opens it and black smoke poured out of the one door and I screamed not go in there so now we know it’s bad, like really bad, like I’ve seen movies and shows and those cant express the very real fear I’ve felt then. So I run back to my mom in the apartment and she said grab the papers and some clothes, my sister shows up again (turns out she went out and then ran BACK INTO THE BUILDING TO GET US!!) and she’s grabbing we’re rushing by the time we open the door, not even 3 minutes have past, it looks like night, darker than night, I can’t see our emergency exit sign. So when I saw that all I could think is we might die, like this could be it. Me and my sister wanted to go off the balcony but my mom is 61 and we’re on the second floor, so she gets me a wet hand towel and tells me to crawl so went through all that smoke to the side stairwell that isn’t in the direction of the fire. We get out but I can’t breathe I’m coughing so hard I’m gonna puke in front of all these people so I’m spitting and I can’t breathe and I’m crying. And my sister is crying, and I can see the fire and I can’t look away. Like this is real, like more real than I can ever imagine. They had two ambulances there and my dad took me to one, and eventually I went to the hospital by myself, finally my mom and sister could come see me I spent three hours there, and went through three oxygen tanks I honestly should’ve done a fourth one but I wanted to leave and the doctor was no where to be seen and the nurse I had was kinda an idiot, like that sounds rude but my mask fell on the floor then he was going to give me the same one then he dropped my new mask on the floor and almost gave it to me but sister wouldn’t let him, so I can say he was an idiot. I still haven’t processed anything from that day. I can’t follow along with time. It passes but I’m not here and I’m not there at the fire, it’s kinda like floating. I’m conscious but don’t know how many days have past and I don’t know what day or time it is, I’m so confused I couldn’t remember when we had the fire, my mom had to tell me it was a week before then when I thought it was. We stayed in a hotel from the Friday it happened and then the Sunday after 6 o’clock ish they said it was okay to come back in, but when I went there to see it I couldn’t even be in there the smoke and chemicals were everywhere in everything, they said that it was cleaned it wasn’t there was soot on our furniture and appliances, I went there a few time the first week, my mom needed to call the insurance company, (she doesn’t own a cell phone, she’s 61 and will never own one) and I couldn’t even be inside I would sit on our balcony. Now I’m at another hotel with my mom while my sister and dad stay at our apartment, they have ocd and don’t want to be anywhere else.

It’s now been two weeks and next Friday will be three, I can’t stay at our apartment cause I’ve been getting nose bleed, headaches, I can’t breathe. I can’t even walk around like normal anywhere without wheezing. Now we’re gonna have to move, but the prices are insane, and it would have to be a three bedroom not two like we have, I’m almost 20 and I share with my 18 year old sister we’ve never had our own room. And I’ve packed away almost all my stuff away in storage so cleaners can come, and I don’t have my paints, so I can’t even de-stress that way. Not to mention I’ve been having problems with my oldest friend, and I don’t really know how deal with this situation on top of it all, and yes it’s all the small and big things adding up, and I know it’ll mean nothing one day, but for now I’m allowed to feel these things and I’m allowed to be upset. I know people won’t read this in fact I don’t even know if I’ll post it, but I just need to release a little bit.

Honestly like it’s one of those times where it’s kind of a good job we’re a system.

I just started a small kitchen fire and I completely forgot all fire safety knowledge and started panic shouting at it to stop

The neighbors all pretty much agree too that it was caused by a person who lived in the unit where the fire started, since they were not mentally stable, had been setting fires in the woods in the past, and ran over 2 miles away from the scene.

Below the cut I've attached a news story video with my mom and I in it, as well as my own pictures. Trigger warning for fire + severe fire damage.