"Be all my sins remember'd."
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"Be all my sins remember'd."

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I know Iām not a big blog and have like any followers, infact I love that. This is my space away from reality, friends, family and I love it, thereās no stress just stories and art and I get to come and go as I please. And I donāt have friends I need to check up on here, which sounds kinda rude but I like this space as my āme timeā. So to say. This is my no responsibilities space. My silent appreciation and support of things that help me escape.
But the last month has been so fucking wild, so Iām going to vent rant here for a bit, first let me say this, I am trying get disability, because I have health issues and learning disabilities, so I had to sit and do an assessment for like 6 hours or something, back in November. But anyway it was to figure out what I might have come to find out I have a severe disability with numbers, anything to do with numbers, and then I found out I have autism, which not really a surprise I did my research before, like I have with other stuff. I know myself so well that I can go online research stuff and already know what I have before a professional tells me.(always get professional advice!!!!) So when I found out my mom laughed cause she knew that I already I knew that before being told. But anyway I have autism, severe disability with numbers, (Iām going to brag about myself a little cause I have something to be proud of) my reading and writing are that of a college level, and I have a extremely fast processing speed. So this was all very validating for me.
Then I guess like a week later? Iām sitting in my apartment with my mom, dad, and younger sister, we hear the fire alarm go, and well weāve lived here for like 5.5 years and in those years weāve had three fires, and multiple false alarms to the point we thought oh itās nothing someone burned lunch, right? So my dad goes knocking on doors and I go with him, a lot of old people live in the building and might not hear it, so as we go to the fire doors he opens it and black smoke poured out of the one door and I screamed not go in there so now we know itās bad, like really bad, like Iāve seen movies and shows and those cant express the very real fear Iāve felt then. So I run back to my mom in the apartment and she said grab the papers and some clothes, my sister shows up again (turns out she went out and then ran BACK INTO THE BUILDING TO GET US!!) and sheās grabbing weāre rushing by the time we open the door, not even 3 minutes have past, it looks like night, darker than night, I canāt see our emergency exit sign. So when I saw that all I could think is we might die, like this could be it. Me and my sister wanted to go off the balcony but my mom is 61 and weāre on the second floor, so she gets me a wet hand towel and tells me to crawl so went through all that smoke to the side stairwell that isnāt in the direction of the fire. We get out but I canāt breathe Iām coughing so hard Iām gonna puke in front of all these people so Iām spitting and I canāt breathe and Iām crying. And my sister is crying, and I can see the fire and I canāt look away. Like this is real, like more real than I can ever imagine. They had two ambulances there and my dad took me to one, and eventually I went to the hospital by myself, finally my mom and sister could come see me I spent three hours there, and went through three oxygen tanks I honestly shouldāve done a fourth one but I wanted to leave and the doctor was no where to be seen and the nurse I had was kinda an idiot, like that sounds rude but my mask fell on the floor then he was going to give me the same one then he dropped my new mask on the floor and almost gave it to me but sister wouldnāt let him, so I can say he was an idiot. I still havenāt processed anything from that day. I canāt follow along with time. It passes but Iām not here and Iām not there at the fire, itās kinda like floating. Iām conscious but donāt know how many days have past and I donāt know what day or time it is, Iām so confused I couldnāt remember when we had the fire, my mom had to tell me it was a week before then when I thought it was. We stayed in a hotel from the Friday it happened and then the Sunday after 6 oāclock ish they said it was okay to come back in, but when I went there to see it I couldnāt even be in there the smoke and chemicals were everywhere in everything, they said that it was cleaned it wasnāt there was soot on our furniture and appliances, I went there a few time the first week, my mom needed to call the insurance company, (she doesnāt own a cell phone, sheās 61 and will never own one) and I couldnāt even be inside I would sit on our balcony. Now Iām at another hotel with my mom while my sister and dad stay at our apartment, they have ocd and donāt want to be anywhere else.
Itās now been two weeks and next Friday will be three, I canāt stay at our apartment cause Iāve been getting nose bleed, headaches, I canāt breathe. I canāt even walk around like normal anywhere without wheezing. Now weāre gonna have to move, but the prices are insane, and it would have to be a three bedroom not two like we have, Iām almost 20 and I share with my 18 year old sister weāve never had our own room. And Iāve packed away almost all my stuff away in storage so cleaners can come, and I donāt have my paints, so I canāt even de-stress that way. Not to mention Iāve been having problems with my oldest friend, and I donāt really know how deal with this situation on top of it all, and yes itās all the small and big things adding up, and I know itāll mean nothing one day, but for now Iām allowed to feel these things and Iām allowed to be upset. I know people wonāt read this in fact I donāt even know if Iāll post it, but I just need to release a little bit.
Also with Covid-19 being so much worse then it was 2 weeks ago I canāt do much except go from my hotel to the apartment, which isnāt good for me. Did I mention I have compromised health? Lol yeah I think I forgot to mention I have asthma, so when I got to the stores or go out to get food Iām risking a lot, especially with old parents like my dad is almost 69 and my mom also 61 and has compromised health, and no body is taking this shit seriously. Iām scared for me and my family and others. But when I go out nobody respects my space or any other persons space, like do you not get it? Life is real dangerous right now and you donāt care? Maybe itās cause Iām angry and have been through trauma and stress, and I am young and look healthy but IM NOT! Iām young but Iām not healthy! I have asthma! Which yeah other people have it worse but I have no where to go I canāt stay and isolate in my apartment and I canāt really stay in my hotel if that happens. Not to mention if the hotel shuts down. Iām scared like really when I think about it I feel kinda sick from stress. Why canāt people try to understand the situation? Itās scary and dangerous and you donāt know peoples situation. Iām so done and tired, please everybody be respectful and keep youāre distance. Stay safe and stay home people. Donāt risk it, itās not worth yours or anybody elseās life. Be strong we got this. Peace and love to you all ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø
fucking hell
Honestly like itās one of those times where itās kind of a good job weāre a system.
I just started a small kitchen fire and I completely forgot all fire safety knowledge and started panic shouting at it to stop
Thank fuck one of the protectors reacted and put it out.
sooo my house burned down. at 1:30 in the morning on April 25th I was woken up by mom yelling at me to get out of the house because the condo 3 doors down from us was on fire. I thankfully managed to get all of my animals out, and my entire family survived. but the ENTIRE condo complex is a loss. the fire spread so fast thru the roofs and its just awful.
The neighbors all pretty much agree too that it was caused by a person who lived in the unit where the fire started, since they were not mentally stable, had been setting fires in the woods in the past, and ran over 2 miles away from the scene.
Below the cut I've attached a news story video with my mom and I in it, as well as my own pictures. Trigger warning for fire + severe fire damage.
seven story apartment building that was just being built caught on fire, two other houses and someoneās yard and the hill was on fire. Thought this video was funny :)

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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